late bloomer

I have always known that I am a late bloomer.

I’m probably the last girl in class to learn a dance step and master it after all have rested.
I’m probably the last one who appreciates Star wars now that it’s on its Nth episode.
(I seriously don’t know who Luke sky walker was and his contribution to the world that they’re living in.)
I’m probably the last one who enjoyed carbonara just because I was loyal with red sauce pasta.
And yes, I’m probably the last girl who falls in love…

Believe me when I say that I have never ever cried out from a heartbreak.
And I never have truly fallen in love either.

Someone asked me why I never had a relationship and tell you what, I have never fathomed the answer to it before. Not until recently…

I realized that ever since, my goals were always centred to myself. It’s more about pursuing my dreams and chasing opportunities.

I’ve had romantic experiences but none really succeeded because I thought, they’re in for nothing but a fling. When someone told me he liked me, I told him, I liked him back. But when he demanded that I stayed… I thought, why?

My priorities were focused on what I want to achieve. It was targeted towards me being successful and seeing the world. It was never about being with someone and committing myself to him in exchange for my being free-spirited.

I valued my freedom that in no qualms, I leaped even if it means leaving.

At 30, it seems clearer that I wanted to climb to the next level.

I am a late bloomer when it comes to love. And quite honestly, I am still in confusion whether I believe if love lasts completely or if it is inversely proportional with time. (I have my reasons.)

Someone told me I am hard to please but easy to love.
Well, I guess so. I am a late bloomer when it comes to expressing my emotions because chances are, my mind gets in the way and when my mind sets itself to something like leaving, I do it, without looking back.


I am a late bloomer but I believe blooming is all about timing.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Friendship is spelled with END

Image
As much as we want to take old friends with us to the next level, sometimes, it’s better to just leave them as they are. I have always been a very loyal friend. The type to make an enemy of someone who messes up with my friend. I’d like to think that that’s just how I view friendships – worth protecting for. I am usually cool. I don’t take things like everything is such a big deal. I’ve never been that problematic friend with various issues. However, with the recent friendship situation that I am in, I am reconsidering the type of friend I am and exactly the type of friend I have. As a friend, I am slow to process anger. I get annoyed, yes, but most of my friends don’t really get the gravity of what I’m feeling because I don't show it. Normally, I take a step back and process it on my own. But not anymore. I have made a vow to myself. With relationships, romantic or friendship, I would never compromise my own emotions. I refuse to be the absorber. I refuse to be a doormat
Read more

Love you to the heavens

Image
You never realize how much you’ll miss someone until you think about how they wouldn’t be there with you physically, ever. It’s so easy to say that death is a part of life but when that happens, you couldn’t find any motivation for reason not to feel unsettled. Today, July 8 (Monday) at 7 am PST, I received an unsettling message from Papa that Nanay is gone. I called Mama and she confirmed. I went ahead with my regular Monday meetings. Acted as if nothing MAJOR happened. But shortly after lunch, tears escaped me. I couldn’t shake off the emotion enveloping me. The thing is, I thought I have prepared well enough to accept the inevitable. In my resolve, Nanay had led a good life. In her hey days, she was an activist, an ironwoman, wise beyond her years. When I was 12, Nanay brought me to Butuan with her. From Butuan, we traveled to Bacolod via ferry. It was my first ferry ride ever. We then ended in Cebu. I have very fond memories of Nanay. My cousins would go green with envy, bu
Read more

Diffi-CULT

Image
“Difficulties strengthen the mind as labor does to the body.” Well, Marcus Aurelius had it figured out, I thought. When you think of it that way, it makes difficulties a powerful ingredient for growth. It creates a compartment somewhere inside you that makes you feel kind of normal. Who does not go through difficult times, right? Difficulties are like a vortex of darkness. You get sucked into that tunnel. You try to rationalize things, but negative feelings pile up one against the other. When that happens, you get swallowed by it. You feel trapped and hopeless. In mine, I always feel like I am trying too hard for nothing. I feel injustice. I feel as though I get to bear the brunt of things. It is both a curse and a blessing to do it solo. Curse because I get to feel like everything is a one-man show. Blessing because it makes me mentally stronger. Like what is there to lose other than a mouth (my mouth) unfed? A few years ago, I had an economic difficulty. It was difficult to m
Read more