Groupthink

Groupthink

It is defined in Investopedia as a phenomenon that occurs when a group of individuals reaches a consensus without critical reasoning or evaluation of the consequences or alternatives.

With this phenomenon comes the branches of other things that usually occur. In layman’s terms, sometimes it can be maritessing.

That is when friend A says that friend B is a sl*t, for example. Then friend A says that she sees friend B with different cars dropping her off. Friend C would jive in and say, she sees friend B wearing heavy makeup all the time and is always on her phone. Friend D, E, and F will agree and give their supposed “testimonials”. All of them conclude the same destructive things against Friend B.

Friend E might have been peer-pressured to chime in. Friend F might make stories just to be “in”. It is a scenario that is very common in the society. Without proper evaluation, we just produce a solid conclusion. No Ifs and no buts.

Today, A mentioned that a temp stole a bottle of wine. She made B pull up the CCTV footage on the dates she purportedly thought the wine vanished. They called me to show me the footage. While watching, I observed how A was resolute in her belief that it was a wine that the temp took out from the fridge. I told them, it may just be a can of Pepsi.  A interjected and said, why would the temp cover the Pepsi? They called in C. I excused myself and took one bottle of wine and tested her “theory” and I feel like it’s too long to be something that can be stacked with a coffee cup. A argued that the camera was facing down so it may look short. With much conviction, A concluded it was a bottle of wine. While they were busy discussing, I looked at other details like if it was a bottle, the temp's hands should be far spread in between to cover the length. I found that his hands were normal. B and D chimed in with their theory of making a hole in the cup and slotting in the bottleneck. All of which, I found extremely ridiculous.

I told D to make sure that no one from the team took the said bottle. He laughed at me. When I told D, that it might not be a bottle, A mocked me telling me my idea was stupid. She was zeroed in with the temp as a thief. I did not understand.

Suspecting someone is a dangerous thing. In itself, it causes damage to the person. It does not only make the person feel bad but feel injustice. He is being judged without proper trial. It also makes the accuser look bad as well, especially, if the accused never did anything wrong. In the end, E came and told us that he gave the bottles of wine to F.

Groupthink… it is such a fatal phenomenon. Emotionally and legally. You destroy someone's reputation based on a baseless accusation. And when you leave no room to be debated or questioned about your conclusion, you convict a person based on your assumption.

May we always find wisdom in assessing situations. Just because someone says something does not mean it's the truth. Marcus Aurelius, in his book of meditations, says “Everything you hear is an opinion, not a fact. And everything you see is a perception, not the truth.”

go on

I don’t dwell on missed opportunities.

Or at least I try not to.

I’ve always been a hard worker. The type who looks so chill and perhaps, the type who gets what she wants, just because. My sister always tells me that my pursuits look so easy to me. Lucky for me, she knows me and the hustles behind it. Behind the scenes, things are messy. It is always under construction with bits and pieces of something from somewhere. 

Behind every little milestone, is me struggling to make sense of the world around me. It is me thinking about how to attack a certain situation. I spend an inordinate amount of time breaking down a problem and providing countless solutions. Even then, I have always been that. Sometimes, I ponder why I must work double, or triple times harder than everyone else. I know I am competent, and maybe it comes with the territory, but it gets toasty (for lack of a better word).

Toasty because I seem to fight my way through everything. I must defy the odds just to get a spot. I must get through the rough to secure my shine. I have to go through the hole of the needle, EVERY. FREAKING. TIME. And when you’ve been doing it for a long time, alone… I’d say it gets tricky. I get tired of trying. Trying is fun when I get to choose it and not when I need to.

A few months ago, I was the frontrunner for a job. To get through that point, I have championed several exams and a nerve-wracking interview. I can confidently say that it was in the bag. I was the person about to get the job as they were just finalizing the offer. However, by some twist of horrible fate, I got dropped. I don’t want to get into the details as to why and how but one thing’s for sure, I was extremely disappointed by the turn of events.

When something like this happens, things just get the better of me. I get so tired of trying that I resort to quitting. At one point, I got to be in a mindset of questioning. “Why am I doing this?” “What’s the point in all of this?” Sometimes, it pivots to dropping everything, “F*ck it, I’m done!”

Yes, I get bitter. But then I think deeply about it.

Perhaps, it’s the universe telling me, there’s something better coming.

Historically, my silver lining in my attempts is the ability to somehow navigate through it and come out alive -- a winner, even. In my attempts, I learned so many things about myself. I learned to let go. I learned to choose what to think. I learned the degrees of bout or no bout at all. I learned to fight, unequivocally, or to take the first flight. Most importantly, I learned grace.

In whatever things were thrown at me, I learned to react with refinement. For example, when someone speaks ill against me, I don’t essentially cuss them. I feel sorry for them. It must have been sad that the only way to get ahead is for them to thump on someone. It's despairing to think about people destroying others just so they can build themselves. It’s the lowest of low. I don’t see power in that. I don’t see self-esteem either. I see the shit-scared faces of people who must've been neglected. Of course, you cannot spread love if you are devoid of it. To have that as a strategy to progress in life, stupidly believing it leads somewhere, it's regretful. Well, we all know how the story ALWAYS ends.

My goals are beyond me and there’s no stopping on that gas pedal for them to materialize. I may have missed opportunities even though God knows how hard I worked for them. However, I guess that’s exactly what I’m supposed to do. To try, just because I may have the ability to go far with them. 

I’m picking myself up, shaking the dust off, and moving forward with positivity that what is meant for me will always find me, with or without much effort.