prexypinoy to the world

  You know what’s amazing? That you keep fighting regardless of the odds. So, what if a door closes? I look at it as a closure for something fleeting. Looking back, the greatest of my pursuits are the result of the closed doors, the unwelcomed seat at the table, or simply, the missed bus that I am accustomed to riding.   At this time and age, I learned that I can/will never have it all. I have learned that what is given can be taken away. This includes the opportunities, the material possessions, or even the bunch of people I call friends. I used to anchor myself around these. But maybe, just maybe… things or people that are not meant to be with you on your journey are dropped along the way because it makes your load lighter. Believe me when I say that while I expected more, I heaved a sigh of relief, “Good riddance!”. Because it is in these critical moments that the true ones present themselves. It is in these moments that I look closely and realize that normally, the final st

“Difficulties strengthen the mind as labor does to the body.” Well, Marcus Aurelius had it figured out, I thought. When you think of it that way, it makes difficulties a powerful ingredient for growth. It creates a compartment somewhere inside you that makes you feel kind of normal. Who does not go through difficult times, right? Difficulties are like a vortex of darkness. You get sucked into that tunnel. You try to rationalize things, but negative feelings pile up one against the other. When that happens, you get swallowed by it. You feel trapped and hopeless. In mine, I always feel like I am trying too hard for nothing. I feel injustice. I feel as though I get to bear the brunt of things. It is both a curse and a blessing to do it solo. Curse because I get to feel like everything is a one-man show. Blessing because it makes me mentally stronger. Like what is there to lose other than a mouth (my mouth) unfed? A few years ago, I had an economic difficulty. It was difficult to m

It’s the birthday blues! It’s no secret that I feel down before every birthday. I don’t know why but it has always been like that. Perhaps, I can’t help but overthink about my life. Getting older… Did I accomplish anything noteworthy? I’m thinking out loud and maybe self-sabotaging but what are my breakthroughs? For one, not a single zero was added to my account. Second, I am still trying to find my place in the world and lastly, I still stand here alone on earth wondering what exactly I’m doing.  These thoughts keep me grounded, other than almost always leave me unhappy. I guess I’ve always thought about making it big. I’ve always thought of myself as a competent individual who can take challenges. I thought of these challenges as my preparations for the big things. So, when I allow myself to mull over my achievements, what have I accomplished really? My sister told me, “Don’t be too hard on yourself”. Well, to be frank, I seem to allow myself to gloat days before my big day

“Who are you?”, My bedridden grandmother asked when my mom showed my face to her through a video call. Behest the pang of sadness, I said: “It’s Lovely, your most beautiful apo”. She said, “How’s your mother doing?” To which I laughed and said, “Oh she’s the one holding the phone and visiting you today.” She apologized and said, “I am old I cannot remember much.” Making the conversation light, I joked. “It’s fine, as long as you remain beautiful ”. She then told me things that broke my heart. She said, “Please call me all the time while I am still alive. I know I am being a burden to my children because I am sick and weak. I pray that God will take me soon, so I do not add any more burden than I already do.” I maintained a cheerful face even though my heart got crushed into tiny million pieces. We bid our goodbyes, but her words were looping on my head. I mulled over life in general. I thought about how my grandmother had always been full of life when I was growing up. She love