Of gratitude and its magnitude

“Thank you for…”

I’ve always believed in practicing gratitude. I like being grateful. I like feeling nostalgic about the people, places, and moments that have shaped my life, often in ways far greater than I imagined.

But sometimes, reality insists on being felt.

Things happen. Everything shifts. And you’re left with no choice but to move forward. There’s barely time to adjust. You’re in the front seat, taking it all in while adjusting at the same time.

The change in management at the job you finally love. The shift in personalities of people you thought would be in your life forever. The issues that were supposed to be resolved, but a decade later show up again in the same old patterns. These are changes you never asked for. Changes that need time, but life does not pause just because you need a moment.

It’s difficult. Exhausting, even. You run through every possibility. You draft plans from A to Z. You think, “So this is how things go from here…” And still, you do your best to keep up. To stay afloat. To navigate whatever is in front of you.

No matter how much of a planner you are, ready or not, and most often not, you take it in. You try. You keep trying.

Someone once asked me, “Why do Catholics or Christians thank God even when they’re given problems?”

I smiled. For a second, I had no neat explanation. I could have gone deep into Theology, Psychology, or Philosophy, but how do you explain that thanking God in the middle of trials comes from a personal relationship with Him?

There isn’t always a polished answer. It’s like explaining why you prefer apples over oranges. It’s personal.

What I do know is this. Life isn’t easy. Whose is?

Still, we continue. We hold our heads high. We look for tiny glimmers along the way. The short trips. The pistachio-filled chocolate. A BTS music video. A K-drama kiss scene that feels like it lasts an hour but is really just a dramatic camera spin. Small things. Simple things. But they count.

From a distance, my life might look easy, maybe even glamorous. But the inner battles, the quiet wars in my head, are not easy to fight. And if I let myself dwell there too long, I start sinking instead of swimming.

The more space I give those hard truths, the more power they have over me. Some realities are brutally honest. Painful, even unbearable, to sit with for too long.

“Mental space.” I learned that term recently. And the more I understand it, the more I realize that what we give space to grows. So why give harsh realities more room than they deserve? Why not make more space for the good that is still unfolding?

That’s where gratitude finds its strength.

Thanks for…

A thousand reasons to be grateful, outweighing the dozen demons that try to silence a single thank you.

Thinking thongs

Invest in experiences, they said.

I just think that this does not only apply to having grand holidays or trying out culinary masterpieces. It also applies to the most basic, most mundane, and most ordinary ways we conduct our business. For me, it happened to be the intimates.

For the grand scheme of superlatives, I would say “conservative”, not plain (because plain means dull and empty and I am neither of those.) I have a rather conservative approach to the things that I’d usually go for. I normally go for the safe fashion. Plain white Ts paired with jeans and a reliable pair of sneakers. Of course, it stretches to common underwear. The type of which you’d mistake it for your grandma’s. But for the first time, I have tread on a rather adventurous style. I have tried thongs!

Never in my wildest dreams, did I spend a minute wondering how I would look in it.

I tried wearing thongs for curiosity. I found it funny, bare bum and all. But thongs, I quite realized offer a different vibe. For one, I never felt so empowered while wearing it. It’s as though I have reached a new level of kickassness. It's like when someone tells me that I wear the same turtleneck every day… Who cares? Underneath it is my dope thongs! Two, wearing a thong gave me divine confidence. I have never been the type to dwell in the mirror and look at my body. I think that my curves are not in the right places, so to speak. But for the first time, I have never been more interested in my bum. I thought to myself how it’s not so bad as I pictured it in my mind. Lastly, thongs gave me an opportunity to be grateful. I have a body and that’s what matters!

Through my thong-wearing activity, I pondered how we think of ourselves as though we’re two-dimensional characters. Like we only ought to be measured by two faces. We allow people to have a say on how we do or look- front and back. Most regrettably are that we allow them to affect us in ways that we begin to doubt who we truly are. We often forget that we are beyond their initial understanding. It is essential to look at ourselves and realize that we amount to something more than what they picture us in their heads. More importantly, it is imperative to understand that we are more than that person in our heads, boxed in the limits of what we are capable of.

We are often guilty of self-sabotage. We compare ourselves to those we think have more than what we have. It’s a constant cycle of looking at other’s plates as full and highlighting our plate’s lack. We refuse to see that having the plate is already a blessing. My thongs taught me to appreciate that I have a body to which thongs can be worn. Isn’t that amazing? 

I guess it really doesn’t take a thrill-seeker to hike Kilimanjaro or dive the great barrier reef to be in for the experience. The same guts are required to try out new undies! Are you up for the challenge of potential discomfort or remain comfortable with your conventions? You decide.

quick update

Hi!

It's been more than eight months since my last post. It could mean positive things, right?

I realized, over the last few years, I only update mostly when I am sad and lonely so not updating would mean that I have been having a good time. 

I am not writing now because I am feeling particularly down. In fact, it’s the opposite. 

I have been super busy juggling between work, school, errands and minutest social life, if any. 

I have vowed to be busy and I am! So I couldn’t really complain. 

Quick update, I have lost a few pounds and gained some more, started my no soda vow (I don’t know just how long I can keep it), read medical research about food intake in my free time (for example, is yakult etc good as an everyday drink?), I started applying keratin on my super dry hair in the hopes of revitalization,  what else?

Oh vaccinated! It is important to put things in good order. I like to follow my priorities. I stay home most days because I am too much of a COVID conscious. I don’t want to risk getting COVID and infecting the vulnerable members of my family (Seniors and nephews). 

On things that I haven’t achieved yet? Well, I still want to start painting but I find it expensive haha. I still want to take web design courses. I still want to try long distance driving. There’s a lot more that I want to try but most especially, God willing, to fall in love.

Before this gets soapy, to anyone reading this…

Life may not always be how we wanted. Sometimes, we think so hard in selecting choices and ending up not getting what we deserve. Sometimes, we give our all and get nothing back. Sometimes, we bring in our A-game and still end up losing. But HOPE. We need to hope that someday, somewhere, the lines will align and what we deserve, what we hope, what we envision, will come to us. No question.