prexypinoy to the world

As this year is about to end, I am seriously thinking about my future… Haha. Believe me, I tried a hundred times to avoid the thought. I’ve been dreading thinking about the reality of getting older. It’s too self-consuming, bothersome and yes, I feel pressured. Alongside keeping up with being a grownup is a growing desire to achieve more, earn more and build more. I have been clear about my goal of success as being HAPPY but I get all consumed by the fact that I need to do something in order to get something. Which brings me to my thoughts of making concrete plans about my future. Do I have enough? Do I really like the way things are? Am I happy staying this way? These are what make me preoccupied these days. We’re hitting January 1 and next thing I knew, it’s March and it’s my birthday. I am going to be 28!!! Just 2 years before the calendar evicts me… If I stay here in Singapore , keeping my job, okay… will I be happy? Honestly, I feel anxious. I don’t want to go

I was able to watch “HER” last weekend, this is in effect of my being fanatic. Why, I was browsing through videos of K Pop idols and I have come across my new found fave K-pop idol’s her reality show. She mentioned that her favourite song as of the moment is the OST from HER. When she tried to have it aired, I can only listen to melancholy and solitude, it was intense. She mentioned, the only way to appreciate the song is to watch the movie, and so I grew curious and hit play. HER is a movie that generally speaks about Love and feelings of loneliness. How do you cope with loneliness? The Kpop idol mentioned, she watches HER again and again. Upon watching, I couldn’t help but think about the times when I felt lonely myself. That feeling when no one understands what I’m going through. That feeling when I look at the world around me and see colors yet I only stay loyal to being BLUE. That feeling when I’m surrounded by laughter and chitchats yet I feel the silence of empt

2014… I am thankful for the chances. I am thankful for breaks. I am thankful for kindness. I am thankful for good health. Most of all, I am thankful for the people who love and believe in me. I have gone through a lot this year. It has always been me against my personal demons. Those thoughts that suck up my energy in no time. I have undergone major turbulence that left me breathless and helpless. I have gone through doors closing in front of my face. Pain after pain. Struggle after struggle. . It has been an eventful year for my career as when all else have accelerated, I was going through a meltdown. I have been hopelessly thinking of quitting, of starting new, of going after what I want to do and drowned in confusion, even questioning my own capabilities. I have been crying in the shower not wanting to show all my frustrations in public. I have been doing my own therapy, and thus the amount of blogposts. I have never been so sad because I felt lonely. My thoughts th

Six days to go!!! Oh my gosh! How time flies, it’s six days to go before Christmas! What to do? I haven’t done my Christmas shopping yet. And Christmas preparations? Not so much. Oh how I miss home during this time of the year. I’d just be giddy without reason. We don’t have much of a family tradition as we are just few in the family. But growing up, the most traditional thing that we do on Christmases is gathering with the whole clan, play games, chat a bit more, and EAT. I miss those days when my sister and I would host the event and all we do is talk and talk. We’d dance and enjoy ourselves and shop for party favors. I’d personally sponsor for chocolates and candies, it’s such an exciting thing to do, hit the groceries and just buy what I feel like as raffle or game prizes. My last Christmas at home was, 4 years ago. Can you imagine? And with the last 3 Christmases abroad, I try to make It as special as I could by feeling the moment. (pakonsuelo de bobo: It’s ju

To feel rejected. My hatest feeling in the world. Who does not, right? I remembered when I was in high school, I was so enthusiastic in joining a school activity which would present a modern dance. I love to dance, I really do. It’s when you let out your inhibitions and just be all out. I was so excited to learn new steps however our dance leader was a little bit unapproachable. She’ll boss around; get mad at us for not keeping up the dance steps. I had a hard time following as my dance moves are very limited compared to hers. I was trying so hard to practice as much as I can but one day, she belted out tantrums. She then shouted, “what’s wrong with you?” and we all fell silent. As if in a friendly manner, I spoke, “hey, let’s not get mad..,” then she pointed her finger at me “you… you know you’re not a dancer, why did you join?” I was taken aback. The group looked at me with piercing eyes. I was frozen and I wished right then and there that I would be eaten alive by t

P! Guess who I saw? -Who? Someone who occupied your heart for a long time. -Wow!! Sino nga? Si _______. -Oh! At eto na naman tayo. Binabalik balikan ang alaala. Ilang taon na nga ba? 10 years? 10 years ding di tayo nagkita. Sa loob ng 10 years, andaming nangyari, nabago, naalis, natanggal, nadagdag, nadama at kung anu-ano pang “na-“. Walang buwang hindi kita minsang naisip. Paulit ulit ang pagtakbo ng mga kaganapan ng kahapon na pilit kong iwinawaglit sa aking isipan. Sa bawat nakakatuwang alaala, hindi ko pa rin maiwasang mangiti. Parang sirang plakang the more mong iplay, the more mo syang matatandaan. Bakit kasi di nalang naging tayo? Naalala ko noon, pumunta ako sa Manila para sa isang training. At habang sakay ako nga MRT, may namataan akong lalakeng, parehong pareho ng style mo, hindi ko masyadong naaninag ang mga mata nyang natatakpan ng maitim na salamin. Siksikan ang mga tao at ako’y nakaupo sa sulok, naisip kong siguro’y bababa na sya kaya pi

Nakakaadik, Andito na naman tayo, bumabalik balik sa nakalipas. Although aaminin kong namiss ko ang ganitong feeling. Yun bang manonood, makikilig at sympre nabibitin. I used to feel that for so many korean dramas already. Nakakaadik. Matagal tagal din akong nahinto. Work life, friends, internet… factors that kept me quite busy with life kaya hindi na ako nakakapanood. I was “high” on these dramas when I was in high school and a bit in my college life. I started working and I forgot that this used to be my pastime. Why? Because I went back to school and have been too busy going out. My comeback was when I was here in SG. I have experienced numerous disappointments. Yung bang feeling na kelangang kelangan mo ng diversion. I tried to hit the gym, run my heart out, cook and magbalik loob sa aking mga self-acclaimed talents… then a friend introduced me to a new kdrama. Yung title, “You who came from the stars”. Yun na! Dun na nagsimula ang lahat. I’ve been in a hiatu

Naglalakad ako sa isang aisle ng grocery, masayang nagkukwentuhan ng kabarkada kong di ko nakita ng mahigit sampung taon. 10 years?! Can you imagine? Kumusta na si (name of classmate)? Di ba nagkaanak na sya?.. O si (name of classmate), bigtime na!... O si maam (name of teacher), kumusta? Nagrereminisce ng mga masasayang kahapon, nagtatawanan habang binabalikan ang bloopers ng high school. Kay bilis ng panahon at nandito na tayo, 27… ang kabarkada koy, mother of 1, happy wife, happy life. Canadian citizen at umuwi para magbakasyon at syempre, sa aming simpleng reunion. (Simple kasi, ilan lang naman kami, 4!) Tinatakay ang kahapon habang naglalakad papunta sa counter upang bayaran ang aming kinuhang kung anu-anong abubot. Sabihin na nating, ang grocery ay nagiging playground na talaga, pag ikaw ay nearing the 30s or 30s and above. Ouch! Nakakasakit ng waist talaga. Haha Nang biglang… OH MY GOD! IKAW?! Ikaw nga ba? Naglalakad papasok papunta sa aisle na g

“Anong plano mo? Okay ka lang ba kahit ganyan ka lang?” Pumalakpak ang aking mga tenga. Teka! Teka! Anung ibig sabihin. Parang nakakainsulto ata ang tanong. Wrong choice of words. Kinalma ko ang aking sarili at nagtanong, “bakit? Anong ibig mong sabihin” Ang gaga sabay kibit balikat at nagsabi “wala naman” hmnn.. malamang nakuha din nya na deep inside nagwewelga na ang damdamin ko. Naisip kong mas makabubuting hindi na ako bumuwelta, bagkus kelangang, “I-let it go, let it go..” Pero pagkatapos ng pag uusap na yon, kahit saang anggulo ko tingnan, nagmamarka ang katagang “okay ba na ganyan ka LANG?” Ano ang masama sa pagiging single? Ano ang masama kung Masaya ka naman sa takbo ng buhay mo? Hmnn… ang totoo, mahirap ding mag explain. Sa paulit ulit na tanong “bakit ka single” marahil makabubuting magrecord na ako ng sagot. For English, press 1, for bisaya press 2. Bakit ka single? She pressed 1. For practical reason press 1, for philosophical, press 2. for co