Posts

Showing posts from February, 2012

my dream engagement shoot

Image
UP! I sooper love that movie. I can't forget Russell and his innocent chubby face which melted the bitter, graying heart of Mr. Fredrickson. Love... love is what you should express. Find time, make an effort and do your best. Life is too short to be wasted and raped by Pride. Meanwhile, I am soooo loving this photoshoot. I love how the theme was inspired by UP. Please click the link below and you shall find yourself, agreeing with me :) :) :) http://www.weddingchicks.com/2010/05/10/disney-pixars-up-engagement-shoot

Tequila Shot

Image
ID? And I searched for my IC as the big guy asked for it. A and J already showed theirs, and mouthed, “do we look super young?” I just laughed. Wow! I thought to myself, even though I am nearing my silver anniversary in twenty days’ time, do I still look below 18? Alright, I may be delusional about thing ‘teenager look’ but hey, I find it really comforting. Why, the people working in the bank, usually don’t look their age, the air conditioner might have made wonders and their looks (most of them) are younger than their actual age. So when I stepped out of the bank, I thought, my skin would sag, I will be losyang. (Bad idea!) Anyway, so the big guy, in his black attire, bald head and huge frame asked for my ID just when it’s nowhere to be found. He then asked, “how old is she?” A and J said in duet, “we’re of the same age!” We entered the bar, the name’s “Shanghai Dolly” and yes, too Chinese, that they play Chinese disco songs. The singers were Chinese, the dancers though kinda dark loo

will be there

Image
Lost. The thing that I am so afraid of. Yeah well, I am afraid to go back home and feel lost more than ever. The plans, the experience, the life in general, is too heavy to manage. But even then, I am not a quitter. I fight for what I deserve. I fight for what I worked hard. It’s not as if I just come home and forget everything or say, “Fuck it, I should be home.”--- No, not yet. (tempting as it may sound) Now is not yet the right time. Before this adventure started, I’ve sort out the pros and cons of this whole thing. My financial, my emotional, my spiritual, I was able to conjure ideas and thought this adventure is worth the sacrifices. But seriously, even though I thought about feeling lost after this, I never really considered it until now. I am afraid that my life would not turn out as I expected. Although, I know that I am not capable of destroying it, (and is too scared to try things that destroy it) I am afraid to go without direction. That’s the time when I come to a point of

to wed

Image
Weddings. The same odd, biting intense feeling that I always get… Envy? You know, that moment when a friend or an acquaintance finally decides to take a vow and you have received an invitation from them? That moment when you walk by the mall and saw them together holding hands, so natural, so real and so happy and you think a couple of times whether to greet them or pass them by so as not to spoil their moments? I am not rushing to marriage but I always get this feeling of hope for myself whenever I hear or see someone changing their status to married from being in a relationship, even in Facebook. My friends tell me, in order to stop yourself from feeling that way, be in a relationship. That’s it. Bull’s eye. Huh, as if it’s that simple. To be real, I really feel happy for people who are about to the tie the knot or have just tied the knot but also, I feel sorry for myself. LOL. Believe me, sometimes I get really sentimental on wedding videos, I mean, this world is composed of seven b

conflict

Image
Pee! The buzz I received from my former officemate. And I was like, “Hi te! How are you?: ))” then she replied, “I have something to share” And I said “Ok, wassup? Is A having a lil bro/sis coming out?” Then she said, “hahaha di ka pa rin nagbabago Pee, that’s why I miss you” Awww.. so sweet!, I thought to myself. Then she told me what she wanted to share. As I read it after I came back from the mall, it was really a long message, sent in three instalments. I later learned that, there has been a conflict between her and the new girl Friday. My jaw dropped. It never happened before. Anyway, my point of realization is that, more and more, I am convinced that new hires are different from the former generations. New breeds are stronger, bolder and more vocal than the previous ones. (Or was it that previous are breeds of coward rats?) Or maybe, our batch was different. We were very much timid, shy and very submissive to superiors. Whenever we commit mistakes, we have this shaky feeling of t

crib

Image
Crib. The search for the new crib is over. We found a new place to stay, a station away from our previous crib. I find it quite liberating to finally move out from old house. Though I have learned to love the place, I just need to hit a new place. But surely, I will miss a lot of things where most of my happiest Singapore moments are spent. That was my first. I have never been sent to a school away from home where I needed to board. My first time to experience how it feels like to live in a house where the people aren’t your family. My first time to test my social skills under one roof. My first time to do every chores in details. My first time to feel anger like it never happened to me. My first time to feel the emptiness, coming home from work. It is work under progress. This new crib is promising. Although, it’s not as light and neat as the first one, I have high hopes that the people I am living with will be known as friends and not just housemates. I pray that misunderstanding and

En route

Image
Let’s go home! My friend, apparently the one I stay with, blurted this out last night. After hearing (errr..reading) that her friend and former colleague was going home from Dubai for good. Her friend told her that the kids need her and she will just find a job back in Davao. And she is confident that with her experience, she’d probably bag a good job back. She got affected and told me that she wants to go home. Funny, but I find this peculiar feeling of appeasing her and telling her that we’re half way through our initial plan. The usual scenario would be me, telling her that we just go home and be thankful for our experience here in abroad. I have known from the very start that this adventure is life-changing. I was not in for the money. I was a bird seeking my own place in this world. A bird that’s just too comfortable with the built nest that I felt I needed to see the world from other perspective. I am idealistic that way. Anyway, staying here opened me to realities and facts that

my wish for you

Image
Geez! Things have changed. I am thinking, Oh, I am really a grown up. And whenever I think about them, I always feel I need to set my priorities to get things done. Am I putting too much pressure on myself? Apparently, yes. I realized I need to endure whatever it is that I am into ‘cause I am not living and earning for myself alone. I have people who need my help and support; I have kids who need to be sent to school. Not that I am bringing the whole weight to my sexy back, No. I just thought, whatever my decision is, there are people to be directly affected by it. I am really coming in to maturity (as far as I know). Now, when I talk to my kid cousins, it won’t end unless I tell him to do good, avoid evil, study harder, keep away from bad influences, never try smoking and yes, even to NO TO GIRLFRIENDS. No, I am not bitter, that’s beside the point but I am the older sister they never had. LOL Not that I am against relationships or love-love thing, I just want them to focus to what sho

5 things about me

Image
5 THINGS YOU MIGHT NEVER KNOW ABOUT ME (But after this you will) 1) I don’t watch HORROR movies. I just simply don’t like it. Nakakagoosebumps plus the fact na I am higly, highly imaginative. Kahit in broad daylight, pag naiisip ko ulit yung scenes, natatakot ako. I remembered one time, we went to watch- yung kay Kris Aquino yung may bagwa?—ah tama, Feng shui! I was half or should I say 1/8 hearted nung pumayag ako na yun yung panoorin with my engineering girlfriends, but since birthday nung isa (libre nya) I can’t afford naman to spoil the fun so I agreed. After the movie, weird thing happened, my very good friend, while we were eating received sunod-sunod text messages of condolence. We later knew, her father got into an accident and died on the spot. Since then, I have this vicious, weirdo thought about horror movies all the more. 2) I dislike Adobo. While most of my family members and friends super love eating adobo, I am least of a fan. Kumakain ako nun but I am not so into it. I

Mr. Phantom

Image
Sa aking mga panaginip, paulit ulit ang tagpong may lalakeng nakaabang sa bintana. At sa tuwing ako’y dudungaw, ay sya naming pagtalikod. Bakit ganun? Bakit kahit sa panaginip, di ko pa rin nakikita ang guwapo kong prinsipe? Bakit sa aking gunita’y palagi syang naroroon ngunit, di ko maaninag kung ano ang kanyang mukha? Bakit sa bawat pagdalaw nya sa aking panaginip, nakikita ko ang kanyang ginagawa, nakikita ko syang, humahalakhak, tumatakbo, sumasakay sa kabayo, pero ni minsan, walang senyales kung ano ang hitsura? Napapanaginipan kita aking prinsipe, pero naman, bakit di ko nakikita ang iyong mukha? Nais mo bang ipahiwatig sa akin na ako’y sobrang conscious sa pisikal na aspeto kaya sa tuwina’y larawan mo’y di mo pinaaninag? Ang masakit pa, natutunan na kitang mahalin. Ikaw ang naging sandigan sa sandaling, lahat ng kamalasan ko sa mundo’y naharvest ko na, pipikit lang ako at ikaw ang nakikita, humuhupa ang pait at sakit sa lahat ng kabiguan. May pangalan ka na nga, pinangalanan na

yes

Image
Yes. I still remember you. Although often times I stopped myself from lurking in your thoughts, my mind just keeps on going on. I remember the boy that I once had a huge crush on. I remember you as the one who meant the world to me back then. How can I possibly forget? That familiar smile you always give me, mischievous and teasing. No,not in a sexual way. You’re child-like moves, naïve but very appealing. ur Yes. I still recall those conversations I had with you. Although, it was most on virtual lines, but still, I felt the same old familiar biting feeling. Kilig. All those naughty, funny lines thrown towards each other. It meant something to me. And though, I remember you. I taught myself to forget you. You don’t belong in my memory anymore. I have no room for you; I refuse to make room for you. Yes. You were not at fault. From the very beginning it was me. It was me who thought of our future together. It was me who assumed of all those lovely, inspiring, youthful thoughts. It was me

saving

Image
Savings? The thing I aim to do but seem to be so unachievable. Alright, working abroad gives you a chance to really achieve your constant dream of saving and saving but guess what? Girls like me always end up broken hearted out of failing to set aside even a portion of the earnings. Why is it so hard to attain? I have literally and figuratively figured out why. One, after receiving the hard earned salary, the mood is high; I feel like going into malls, maybe, eat something fancy or buy something nice to “reward” myself from working so hard for the whole month. That “reward” is supposed to be done once but I find it very satisfying to reward myself again and again for enduring my struggles here. So then, the “rewarding” becomes a series, made out as a justifying circumstance for the purchase or payment of goods and food. Two, my security as to have more than enough money in Dollars rather than deposit it in peso to my peso account is very absorbing, thereby, helping me set aside most of

karma

Image
Anger is part of the seven venial sins. It occupies you, drowns you and consumes all your positivity. When you’re angry, you get to be absorbed by it and eventually explode. I don’t get easily angered. In fact, I have high tolerance for irritating factors. I have built walls so that I won’t get affected by the hurls around my built walls. Patience is my prized trait. Something I am proud of. But then again, I am human. I lose all control when provoked. I don’t get mad easily but when I do, I am not so sure about you anymore. I tend to lose all the logic, the discipline and I can get very nasty, bitchy magnified. I am cool and composed but when things get tough, I tend to come out tougher. All armoured and less vulnerable. I resist reasons and I find you a total distaste in the history of humanity, a scrap like yourself deserves less than the garbage can itself. Most recently, I had a very bad experience. Someone, who should be more concerned and compassionate for Filipinos like herself
Image
Okay na sana e... You popped out the question, but I felt as if it was less than I deserve. Siguro, that's why minsan ang hirap maging babae. Di mo alam if something is serious or just playing around. One, I am not the type who likes to play around relationships. I find relationships very personal and significant to my growth. I just don't want taking in someone, being attached to him and all but I don't feel something about it. Or if it's very platonic. Two, I consider being hooked with someone somewhat sacred. Ewan ko. Minsan sabi ni Van, Super OA daw ako, it's just a Yes then what happens next, bahala na daw. Yeah tama din naman kasi walang kasiguraduhan ang lahat but I am not like that. I plan ahead, I think much about it. But that doesn't make me any less spontaneous about it. Three, I am very traditional. Sometimes even myself, nagtataka baka di ko ma bend bend ung rules ko. Siguro kasi ganito ako pinalaki. I always believed the art of waiting. Lahat ng ka
Have you ever felt as if you’re not matured enough? I met few of my high school friends last night. We had the usual kumustahan, asking how things are and how life is for them here in SG. We had a very fun chitchat about experiences and Q&A about some things past in HS. Then of course, the usual updates of the other batchmates. After about 8years, narealize kong andaming nagbago. Totoo pala talaga, academic excellence doesn’t always guarantee you a fruitful life like what we envisioned. Kasi naman, when I was a kid, my mum would tell me, mas okay kung honor ka or with high grades para paggraduate mo, you’ll land in a job na maganda at di masyadong mahirap… I agree. Totoo yun. Having academic awards help you land in quite a good and promising job but… it’s your attitude and patience that will make you stay in that job. I realized more than anything, guts is an important element in achieving your dreams. Yun bang, kahit hinindian ka na or nireject ng bongga, there’s still this feelin

chat

Image
Eto na yun. Eto na yun e. Yung feeling na parang di ka na magiging Masaya pag ikaw nalang at wala na sya. Yung feeling na kahit ano pa man, willing kang igive up ang kung anu ano nalang alang alang sa future mo na kasama sya. Yung feeling na parang walang meaning ang life kung di lang din naman sya ang makikita. At yung pinakabongga sa lahat, yung feeling na idedeactivate ang facebook porke’t sa dami ba naman ng taong online, ni isang letra ng pangalan nya, wala? Ano pang saysay ng facebook kung di lang din naman sya ang makakausap ko sana kahit sa chat? Pathetic. Foolish and completely lost. Correct. I am getting much illogical about my decisions. Kinausap ko nga ng masinsinan yung sarili ko, sabi ko, “what’s wrong with you?” aba sumagot, ang sabi “ what about you?” The tremendous deliberation is starting. Ang hirap. Nakakastress pala kausap ang sarili kasi walang nagpapatalo. Kesyo ito yung point ko at iba naman yung point ng half self ko. Kaloka! Ano ba talaga self? Ansaveh ni Sisa

Blue

Image
Blue. It symbolizes a lot of things. Pwedeng paboritong kulay sa gown, pwedeng sosyal, pwede din kung anuman ang sinasaloob ng isang tao sa ngayon. You see, depende sa paggamit at sa kalidad ng pagkahilig. Would you believe, naisip kong mag motif ng royal blue para sa aking ika 25th na kaarawan. Kasi nga diba, never akong nagkaparty talaga na may balloons, clowns, jogglers, mantle na malasirena ang kulot ng tela, or even chairs na nakalinya para sa isang pagdiriwang. At 20, naisip ko, by 25, baka kaya ko ng magfinance ng sarili kong party. Yun bang naaayun sa mga yuppies or young, single and boldly fabulous professionals. Since di naman ako nagkaroon talaga ng engrandeng birthday, at 25 feel na feel kong icelebrate ito. My quarter life. Royal Blue would be my color at 25. Parang sobrang grand, sobrang bold kasi nakakaattract ng attention. I like royal blue. Para siyang sleeping dragon. Amongst Red and Yellow, of course yung blue yung di masyadong napapansin, But Royal Blue is another s