prexypinoy to the world

  You know what’s amazing? That you keep fighting regardless of the odds. So, what if a door closes? I look at it as a closure for something fleeting. Looking back, the greatest of my pursuits are the result of the closed doors, the unwelcomed seat at the table, or simply, the missed bus that I am accustomed to riding.   At this time and age, I learned that I can/will never have it all. I have learned that what is given can be taken away. This includes the opportunities, the material possessions, or even the bunch of people I call friends. I used to anchor myself around these. But maybe, just maybe… things or people that are not meant to be with you on your journey are dropped along the way because it makes your load lighter. Believe me when I say that while I expected more, I heaved a sigh of relief, “Good riddance!”. Because it is in these critical moments that the true ones present themselves. It is in these moments that I look closely and realize that normally, the final st

“Difficulties strengthen the mind as labor does to the body.” Well, Marcus Aurelius had it figured out, I thought. When you think of it that way, it makes difficulties a powerful ingredient for growth. It creates a compartment somewhere inside you that makes you feel kind of normal. Who does not go through difficult times, right? Difficulties are like a vortex of darkness. You get sucked into that tunnel. You try to rationalize things, but negative feelings pile up one against the other. When that happens, you get swallowed by it. You feel trapped and hopeless. In mine, I always feel like I am trying too hard for nothing. I feel injustice. I feel as though I get to bear the brunt of things. It is both a curse and a blessing to do it solo. Curse because I get to feel like everything is a one-man show. Blessing because it makes me mentally stronger. Like what is there to lose other than a mouth (my mouth) unfed? A few years ago, I had an economic difficulty. It was difficult to m

It’s the birthday blues! It’s no secret that I feel down before every birthday. I don’t know why but it has always been like that. Perhaps, I can’t help but overthink about my life. Getting older… Did I accomplish anything noteworthy? I’m thinking out loud and maybe self-sabotaging but what are my breakthroughs? For one, not a single zero was added to my account. Second, I am still trying to find my place in the world and lastly, I still stand here alone on earth wondering what exactly I’m doing.  These thoughts keep me grounded, other than almost always leave me unhappy. I guess I’ve always thought about making it big. I’ve always thought of myself as a competent individual who can take challenges. I thought of these challenges as my preparations for the big things. So, when I allow myself to mull over my achievements, what have I accomplished really? My sister told me, “Don’t be too hard on yourself”. Well, to be frank, I seem to allow myself to gloat days before my big day

“Who are you?”, My bedridden grandmother asked when my mom showed my face to her through a video call. Behest the pang of sadness, I said: “It’s Lovely, your most beautiful apo”. She said, “How’s your mother doing?” To which I laughed and said, “Oh she’s the one holding the phone and visiting you today.” She apologized and said, “I am old I cannot remember much.” Making the conversation light, I joked. “It’s fine, as long as you remain beautiful ”. She then told me things that broke my heart. She said, “Please call me all the time while I am still alive. I know I am being a burden to my children because I am sick and weak. I pray that God will take me soon, so I do not add any more burden than I already do.” I maintained a cheerful face even though my heart got crushed into tiny million pieces. We bid our goodbyes, but her words were looping on my head. I mulled over life in general. I thought about how my grandmother had always been full of life when I was growing up. She love

As much as we want to take old friends with us to the next level, sometimes, it’s better to just leave them as they are. I have always been a very loyal friend. The type to make an enemy of someone who messes up with my friend. I’d like to think that that’s just how I view friendships – worth protecting for. I am usually cool. I don’t take things like everything is such a big deal. I’ve never been that problematic friend with various issues. However, with the recent friendship situation that I am in, I am reconsidering the type of friend I am and exactly the type of friend I have. As a friend, I am slow to process anger. I get annoyed, yes, but most of my friends don’t really get the gravity of what I’m feeling because I don't show it. Normally, I take a step back and process it on my own like a stupid martyr suffering in silence. But not anymore. I have made a vow to myself. With relationships, romantic or friendship, I would never compromise my own emotions. I refuse to

“I have mental challenges.” It’s pretty common especially here in the North American region. A friend and I once had a dialogue about the possible causes of mental illness in a first-world country, such as Canada and we could infer that there are several factors that when you look at it, are intertwined. I want to put a disclaimer here; this is a stereotypical analysis with no proof other than what is observed. This may sound ignorant, but it is what it is, and I do not want to sugarcoat things. Growing up and being raised in a third-world country offers a stark contrast to the economic and social capabilities of individuals living here. I always think that depression and underlying mental conditions emanate from experiences as a child. It must have been a void that no matter how you try to seal it, sinkhole after sinkhole appears. For one, I am living in a very expensive city, and with this comes the resources that you need to produce to keep on living here. From an economic perspecti

Imagine starting your day with a bright, "Good morning!" to Alexa, and she promptly kicks off with the latest barrage of world news, all gloom and doom. The war in Ukraine, Israel-Hamas tensions, and a host of other not-so-happy headlines – it's like the news has a subscription to negativity, right? Let's talk about habits for a moment. They're like these sneaky little routines we do without even thinking. In my case, my morning news ritual was turning me into a pessimist before I'd even had my coffee. Instead of feeling ready to conquer the day, it felt like I was diving headfirst into a sea of worries. 🌊 I mean, who could blame me? When every headline screams chaos and conflict, it's tough not to feel anxious. The constant exposure to bad news had turned me into a professional skeptic – I couldn't trust anyone's intentions, and my view of the world had been thoroughly muddied. So, I asked myself, "Why don't news outlets ever focus