prexypinoy to the world

I have always been trying… trying so hard Trying so hard to control things. In school, I give my all. I like school because I can see visible results in the form of grades. I like that when I do my best and spend sleepless nights to draft, write and re-write papers… I get good results. But sometimes, not. It makes me feel demotivated. In my relationships, I give myself. I give time, money and effort to be present. I give friendships time to connect, reconnect and relive the good old days. I invest in friendships. I make sure that I am a call away, regardless of the distance.   At work, I give 101%. No, make it 120%. While I like showing up, work sometimes do not give me the autonomy to be creative. I know I have the potential but work only requires compliance and not creativity. I like to work but I don’t like the things that come with it. The deadlines, the daily grind and above all, the minimal room to showcase what I actually got. In all of these, I think that I put myself all in. I

To people who say that looks are not everything, you are right!  But looks could mean a lot. Why do I say this? A few years ago, I had a severe acne breakout. It was so bad that one day a woman came to me and told me my face looks rather pitiful. I could not find any justification for what she did. I know her intentions might be of concern or to preach something that could solve my problem but whatever she said did not register because I was so consumed by the thought that someone took notice of how bad it looked. My confidence at that time was already low and her observation sank it further. I’ve had days when looking at the mirror stresses me out. I’ve had days when meeting friends did not seem appealing because I was too embarrassed. I’ve had days when my mood falters and leaves me in total disarray. I tried uplifting myself about how temporary my acne was but deep inside, I knew the scars were permanent.  I’ve decided to consult Singapore specialists on skin and allergies. I did no

Stay in your lane. Oftentimes, we compare ourselves with how fast other’s lanes have become. Instead of being happy for them, we are swallowed by bitterness and jealousy that they get to be there first. But which “there” exactly? What we don’t realize is the fact that getting “there” could mean anything. The destination or oftentimes, success could mean a lot of things. To some, success means having the ability to breathe normally without any apparatus or support from machines. To others, success could mean being with family after working abroad for years. Some would view success as conceiving children after trying for a long time. Others would equate success to accomplishments, having a six-figure job that could lift their purchasing powers. While we are so busy minding others’ lanes, we forget that our lane is where we are supposed to be. It is a lane that was given to us because of our temperaments, personalities, ability to handle stress, physical stamina, and so on.  There’s a thi

I am so damn late! Like all else in my life, I am late even as a fan of FRIENDS! You heard me. I have just become a fan of this show. Imagine, it’s been around since the 1990s and I just had the opportunity to sit down and watch it uninterrupted? It’s never too late, they said. Yes! I get to post snippets from the show, appreciate the OSTs and best of all, discern who I am similar with. Was it Rachel, a go-getter who claimed her independence by earning what she eats? Was it Monica, highly competitive, obsessive-compulsive? Was it Phoebe, just funny and weird but real? Was it Joey, loyal and dependable to his friends? Was it Ross, intelligent but impractical at times? OR.. Chandler, self-proclaimed pessimist but loving? I am guessing I am a little bit of all of them. Or at least, that’s what I think. But if there’s a favorite, I would love to be Phoebe. She doesn’t have a care in the world. She’s weird. She almost always has strange ideas and justifications. She’s sometimes dumb. But sh

People change. Those things that I thought were outrageous, somewhat became plausible or even the norm. For instance, when one of my closest friends confided about her desire to stay separated from her husband but have no-string attached boyfriends… no one from the group seemed to have a wild reaction. Me included. It seemed that those ideas you thought were a big no-no now become, “oh okay” or “then what?” or “maybe”.  When a friend openly mentioned her husband’s fetish, it didn’t seem different. There’s this implicit bond about being at this age and sharing things that happen in REAL life. It surprises me that as a single person, hearing concerns about marriage never faze me. It is not that I faked my reaction, there’s just this understanding that whether or not these things happened to me, these are real issues that need real solutions or just active ears listening to it. Have we become less judgmental? Perhaps. Our experiences shape who we are. When we were younger, we had these st

“Fear is the absence of faith.” As the day of leaving nears, I am having mixed emotions. “Is this for me?” “Is this what I want?” “Will it be worth it?” are the questions that I have to deal with on a daily basis.  I have spent my life savings for this, studied so hard, fought tooth and nail to remain enrolled. To say the least, I have put everything in my power for this goal and redirect my sail to this one objective. My mom keeps on asking me, “Do you have to go?” and when I think about leaving my ageing parents, I can’t help but second guess if it really is the way for me. The “what ifs” quadruple.  What if I leave and something happens? What if I leave and experience poverty? What if I don’t achieve what I am hoping for? What if I am pushing myself so hard when I can be content with life as it is? These what-ifs make me think about what matters.  This is not the first time that I am leaving. I have spent much of my 20s overseas. Alone. But why does it get harder?  When asked about

Hi! It's been more than eight months since my last post. It could mean positive things, right? I realized, over the last few years, I only update mostly when I am sad and lonely so not updating would mean that I have been having a good time.  I am not writing now because I am feeling particularly down. In fact, it’s the opposite.  I have been super busy juggling between work, school, errands and minutest social life, if any.  I have vowed to be busy and I am! So I couldn’t really complain.  Quick update, I have lost a few pounds and gained some more, started my no soda vow (I don’t know just how long I can keep it), read medical research about food intake in my free time (for example, is yakult etc good as an everyday drink?), I started applying keratin on my super dry hair in the hopes of revitalization,  what else? Oh vaccinated! It is important to put things in good order. I like to follow my priorities. I stay home most days because I am too much of a COVID conscious. I don’t w