prexypinoy to the world

I’m thankful for this chance to be with my family for a longer time. I have never been home this long for the last seven years and in those years of absence, so many things have changed. When I arrived, my youngest nephew asked Mama who I was. Whaaaaat?! Seriously? And within weeks, I found myself being followed everywhere by this lil munchkin. He’s always asking me whether I will sleep at their house with him. When I go to their house, he clings to me like a magnet does to metals. And seriously, it makes my heart swell with joy and love. At home, my parents always ask me what I like to eat. They have been constant in nagging me to eat more to be healthy. Whaaaaat? What about my diet? It makes me feel like I just went back to being high school again when I have been to different parts in the world and surpassed so many challenges alongside being alone in the overseas. It makes me laugh at times, because I have always deemed myself as a strong and independent woman bu

I want to be honest and say that coming home brings me joy but at the same time, it throws me into a pit of hopelessness. I happen to stay at home the whole day and just surveyed my surroundings. I just think that the place I am in is no longer the same place I once lived. Rather than getting good energy, I felt like I needed to get out of here. It makes me desperate to change not only my life but our lives as a family. It makes me want to do more and with that, I am encouraged to work harder than before. If there’s any consolation, it brings me to a new perspective. It grounded me to see the reality. It made me want to try harder at life because I don’t want to remain the same. Call me ambitious but there’s no other way but to move forward, stronger, braver and ultimately, smarter. I came home because I wanted to see for myself how my family is doing. And needless to say, I am mixed emotions. I planned on staying for good b

I’m home for good. Or not? It has been barely a week and I feel like things have changed. To be honest, it does not feel home to me NOW. I have shaken the feeling of wanting to move out because I want to strengthen my idea that a Home is not a place but people with whom you feel most secured about. For days, I have been trying to cope that my house is the same home that I grew up in. It’s a lot dirtier, narrower, few of the words I can only describe without me feeling sorry about how it ended up while I was living my life overseas but REALLY, I can consider the place being stuffy and less pleasing but not the people that live in it. It saddens me to the core that as my parents grew older, they also grew distant. With each other. My mom blames my dad and my dad, no matter how he wronged, feels defiant. This cycle goes on and on and I can only sigh in retrospect.   In fact, I really can’t exactly describe what this kind of relationship is. They are okay but not Okay. I