prexypinoy to the world

I’m home for good. Or not? It has been barely a week and I feel like things have changed. To be honest, it does not feel home to me NOW. I have shaken the feeling of wanting to move out because I want to strengthen my idea that a Home is not a place but people with whom you feel most secured about. For days, I have been trying to cope that my house is the same home that I grew up in. It’s a lot dirtier, narrower, few of the words I can only describe without me feeling sorry about how it ended up while I was living my life overseas but REALLY, I can consider the place being stuffy and less pleasing but not the people that live in it. It saddens me to the core that as my parents grew older, they also grew distant. With each other. My mom blames my dad and my dad, no matter how he wronged, feels defiant. This cycle goes on and on and I can only sigh in retrospect.   In fact, I really can’t exactly describe what this kind of relationship is. They are okay but not Okay. I

I need to resign to the fact that I should marry someone just because I’m getting older. I want to WANT TO MARRY someone because I feel HE’s the ONE. It is not enough that people push me to it, because it’s me that’s gonna live with him for the rest of my life. And the everyday life with him is too much to consider. I don’t want to be in that situation just because it is convenient. I don’t want to involve myself in an institution just because I was pressured. I want to be in that institution because I know I NEED TO BE IN IT. It doesn’t bother me that I am not married because as a single lady, I am having fun. I am doing the things that make me happy. It is the greatest gift I can give myself at this point in time because I CAN. I don’t get why people around me get all too worried about me, I’m not dying, no one dies from having a fun and adventurous single life. Needless to say, I love my life. I love my process. I choose things myself and I choose the ones who I wan

Funny how I really prepared for this but I end up feeling all anxious. Questions like, “where to?” “what to do next?” haunt me like fire slowly eating a dry twig. I have made a resolve out of this situation but I still can’t stop myself from worrying. What do I lose other than $$? Well, I am single and I am capable of doing what I want. Honestly, I can go to north pole and no one would bother because I own my decisions. I get support from my fam too. I have said time and again that I waited for this, It did not come overnight and I spent so many sleepless nights trying to wrap things in my head. I waited for the right time and I know in my heart that this is THAT time. So why am I feeling anxious over MY decision to leave? I know that I should live in the moment and as it is, I am doing that exactly. Either way, there’s no other way but to think that whatever will be, WILL BE. So I need to calm my tits and just go with it.