prexypinoy to the world

Schadenfreude. N. pleasure derived by someone from another person's misfortune. Admit or not, we have a tiny little spot of hesitation to be happy about other’s success. Why, because we compare in parallel to our own success, our growth and progress through life. I admit I have been quite strange in the past months. I am emboldened by the desire to be first in everything. I wanted to be the best, to be above par. I want to be that girl whom I think is cool and ideal. She’s up there. Sadly, because of this desire, I have been to a dark hole where everywhere I looked seemed too stifling and empty. I have been trapped by my own set of borders, like a dumbass juggler adding more props to the already overboard performance. I realized that the more I crave for perfection, the more I become far from it. I thought it was fun at first but it was so dragging, the boredom crept in and I lost the idea of who I really was. I was swallowed by frustration and what made it

Kung kelan tumanda, dun pa nalulong! Kung maka-“lulong” naman, kala mo kung anong droga… this is more addicting than droga. I have branched out (branched out talaga?) to KPOP idols, korean variety shows and even GIF clips of there KOREAN personalities, On top of being a Jadine Convert. Naalala ko tuloy si Clark nung nagconfess sya kay Leah, yun yung:  “eto na yun, ubos na ubos na ako, wala na akong kaya pang ibigay”… INTENSE! Ganyang ganyan ang damdamin ko na pati shows na walang audio pinatos ko na at pati picture ng aso ni Nadine, sinave ko sa phone ko.  Inalagaan kong parang akin. San ka pa, Friday nights and you’d think about going home na kasi may icacatch up ka pang episodes. Hindi pwedeng makamiss kasi tiyak na di ka makakarelate sa latest chika ng mga barkada mong bumubuo ng 200 unread messages ng facebook messenger mo. E ayaw ko namang basahin kasi real-time and chismisan, while simultaneous ang palabas ni Leah at Clark . No spoilers please!! Marami din a

Santa claus is coming to town! Whoa, the news says… its 25 MORE DAYS to go and it’s Christmas! I am down to my 5 th year, celebrating Christmas here in Singapore . And frankly, I really do miss celebrating it in DAVAO . While I am drowned with fabulous Christmas decors that glitter in whatever angle, I feel less. Less in a way that, it’s just a day off. I kind of miss the feeling of bliss that lasts a very long time. Yes, I think that is what makes Christmas different in PH. We’d go to a mall and all counters were too busy. The queue is just so long but as weird as it may sound, it makes you feel happy. Why, the people are happily chatting while queuing up! The rush, the mind-boggling thrill on what gift to get for your manito, the gathering of old friends that you haven’t seen for a long time? It feels nostalgic. Here in Singapore , we’ve been celebrating in a very low key. My very first Christmas, I celebrated it in a coffee shop! My second, third and fourt

“The biggest change in my life is that… I have learned how to be relaxed”, says Victoria . That line hit me. Victoria and I are of the same age. While she is a celebrity, a foreigner at that, I can very well relate to how she’s running her life. She mentioned, she plays well by herself. She uses her free time to rest and when she gets bored, she’d go to places, discover new restaurants, and have coffee in various cafes… ALONE, at that. While reading, I evaluated myself. And it brought me to a conclusion: I have been very obsessed about having company. At one point, I think I have forgotten to enjoy my solace. I have been very used to going out with company that it feels weird to be alone when in fact; I used to be all ALONE from way back. Well, some might view me anti-social, a plain snob or even a pitiful sight, but back then, I never cared. I was happy. I was contented with my life. I had fun going around the mall, watching people, finding cool stuff, reading

INSECURE? The thing is I have never been the insecure type. I grew up with the attention and sufficient love from the people around me. I am secured with what and who I have. I may not have everything but I am fortunate enough to feel contented and to me, that is enough. In recent years, I have chased dreams and put myself to risks. One after another. I have made decisions; I solely, am responsible for its consequences. I can say I come out strong from it. But in recent episodes of my life, I have begun to develop anxiety. It came as a shock, that now, I am feeling these emotions. Could it be the hormones? (As it did to my blemish-free face ? Could it be the society’s pressure? Could it be just me feeling all worried without sense?) I DON’T KNOW. For one, the idea that I will be left out overwhelms me and drowns my sanity. I have moments when I feel EXTREMELY lonely, bored and anxious. Socializing stresses me so much. I always remind myself to get out there

To be part of something… I have always been comforted by just staying at home alone. I do so many things, I write, I read, I surf the net, I even indulge in some doodling and water- colouring. I do variety of stuff when I’m at home. Growing up, I used to experiment a lot, there’s this one time when I saw a rubber figure (the free ones that you get when you purchase a hotdog? The one that you put as a pencil topper) and had it on my face to know if it stays (thus sucking the skin), I had 4 of those which I equally positioned in the four quadrants of my face… then the day after, I went to school. I entered the room and my barkada laughed at me. I did not know why. Then they asked, “why do you have four circles in the face?” I had no idea why it became so visible all of a sudden! I truthfully answered that I tried the toppers on my face and they laughed at me, thinking I was really weird. I was that and more. haha When I think about doing something, I do it. No buts, no w

There’s nothing more heart breaking that seeing your self from full colors to pale dew. It makes me down to stare at myself in the mirror nowadays. What exactly went wrong with my face? I am pretty much disappointed of how things have become. I used to have a fresh, clean face and now all I’m seeing are spots, scars and baby acnes about to come out. Horrible. It terrifies me that I have tried quite a lot of things to fix this problem, hormonal or skin level, all of which… to no avail. It terrifies me even more that I have spent quite a fortune to fix it and it ain’t enough. I am, in truth, very DESPERATE. I don’t know how to treat my skin with so much kindness because the acne won’t leave, no matter what. I am very much affected by the looks of it. My face is a huge orange, with pores sticking out, infected and protruding. Gross. I am keeping record of the progress of treatments but just when I thought, the meds are kicking in, a new pimple would come out, le

I learned the hard way that no matter how your insides are screaming, you need to keep it together. I am candid; I’d blurt out my mind and realize later on that I crossed the line of being tactless. I don’t mean to offend but I end up offending someone because my thoughts are as raw and vivid as my imagination. I need to be vocal about what I truly feel or else, I’d be uneasy. I just can’t be passive and agree even if I scream out NO! That was me back then. Back when the world revolves around ME. But then growing up happened. (just give this to me, I promise, walang masasaktan!) I found myself in a more slow pace… practiced myself not to react almost instantaneously. I tried so hard to listen more. After all, they say that you have TWO ears and ONE mouth for a reason. I reflected. I learned that the best way to enjoy your independence is to be at ease with yourself, regardless of the environment you are in. If there’s nothing that can be done to an infl

Happy 2015!! I spent my days before hitting New Year contemplating about my future plans. To be honest, it has been a first. I am just usually happy and giddy towards the end of the year but maybe as I grow older, I begin to think about what I really want to happen with my life. Needless to say, I am in an age wherein, I NEED to be a bit serious. Looking back, I was serious. Hell yeah! But I would always end up on going to a playful path. I’ve had my finest moments in, “F*ck it, whatever, let’s do it!” or “It’s not for me, fine”. It’s always about choosing to act on something and then when it does not turn out well, let’s not talk about it and move on to something more interesting. Days before the New Year, I have this big question hanging above my head, “where would I be in 5 years?” Ahhh.. I spent lonely times riding the bus, seriously thinking about what I wanted to do in life. I acknowledge that I still have time to pursue my other dreams, dreams of studying abro