prexypinoy to the world

Sleepless. I went from sleeping the whole of Saturday afternoon to sleepless on Sunday evening. The wicked illness of Mama strikes again. Seriously, I can never get used to feeling really worried about her. I think that working too young takes a toll on her body and manifested now that she’s quite old. I am a daughter. I love my family more that anything else in this world. I love them all in the same intensity as I love myself. It worries me that I hear complains of pain and vomiting. I just couldn’t stop myself from thinking the worst. Please God. The sad fact about being a small family is that, there is only a few of you who worries about each other. The gravity of a concern maximizes in a manner that isolates all the other issues in life. My sister messaged me and told me she worries about Mama. She then told me that she is vomiting again and had fever last night. I was supposed to sleep early but I couldn’t just shake it off and prepare to bed. So I messaged h

Dear Santa, I just miss you. I just miss what you represent and I miss every single one that reminds me of you. You see, I do see you a lot--- in buses, commercial ads and downtown posters but really, I just see you through my eyes and not in my heart. Please don’t get me wrong Santa. I still believe in you. It’s just that my daily life has been taking a toll on me and whenever I hear your songs or your signature laugh, I just cannot feel you that much anymore. Forgive me Santa as I am consumed by stress and work pressure, aggravated by the fact that I am now living in a foreign land where not many celebrates you. I miss you Santa. I miss the feeling that you brought me in my past Christmases. Please understand me for now Santa. I promise to make it up to you soonest. PS. I’ll still be expecting my gift wrapped in glittery ribbons. Thanks in advance. Love,

I am grateful for minor setbacks because it makes me realize major details of a relationship. Friendship is not an exemption. When I give, I give it all out. I do not hold back because I trust that the person is worthy enough of what I can offer. I do believe that I am the kind of friend who will be ready to dance in the rain with you. I don’t care if it involves the rain and FLOOD, as long as I promised to be with you, then, I will surely be there. When I give, I do not expect anything but loyalty. And yes, perhaps I expect that all the goodness will radiate into you too. But sadly, as much as I’d like it to be free-flowing and natural, sometimes, it reaches a point when one is not willing. Right then and there, I am brought to a major halt. Friends close, enemies closer. Do not trust too much on someone because at one point, betrayal is a curse. I am thankful though that these setbacks occur. It is for me to open my eyes and not to lose everything completely to the perso

Dark. I looked around and I saw nothing but darkness. I am lying in bed chasing sleep. I am dead tired. My nerves are pulsing through; I can almost feel their scream rallying over my head. I tried to reposition myself, I should get some sleep. 1 AM. I saw the luminous clock beside my bed. Geez. It’s frustrating to know how I tried to go to bed early but ends up still awake in this unholy hour. Should I just get up? Maybe I can scribble some unfinished scripts or begin my abandoned diary. Perhaps, I’d just read. I’ll read until my eyes hurt and beg me to stop. But I cannot force myself to be up. I lay there motionless watching the pitch black ceiling as if I see something. I can hear my heartbeat drowned by the snore of my roomie. Ah, she’s dreaming by now. One of those rare nights that I am on her shoe while she’s on mine. I need to sleep. I tried counting the sheep. Closed my eyes and focused on black. I can go on and on. I heard a footstep. Then I heard the water fre

TWENTY ONE. I can only smile at the thought. I am the giddy, enthusiastic and idealistic girl. I love how I prepped up for interviews, I love the attention. I love the thought that I am a young girl chasing her dreams, trying to make a difference in this huge world. It’s not that huge really. I love being who I am. I can brave it all and come running towards home whenever I want to. TWENTY TWO. I grinned at myself. There is nothing much difference. I now work in a bank. Have a source of income and spend much for myself. Savings? That’s not of the equation. I will travel whenever a promo shows itself. I will go wherever the path leads me. TWENTY THREE. Where are the guys at? I am beginning to think that I am a commodity for display. My travels take up most of my excitement, pretty much different from other girls my age. Smiling at the thought. TWENTY FOUR. For some weird reasons, I find myself, looking for more. What is on the other side of the world? When

I’ve never been a fan of parents who tolerate their kids’ beck and call especially in the malls. I find it annoying for kids to go in tantrums whenever their wishes aren’t granted. For me, it’s the duty of the parents to let their kids learn the value of discipline. I think that every manner and right conduct is best enforced by parents because family is the basic unit in the society and all the values should be formed well in that small group. It irks me to see kids who go wild in malls especially when they are pointing stuff to buy for them. My parents were key disciplinarians in my time. I didn’t have the chance to even go wild because a mere pointing can subject me to my “hearing” later on. My mom would do her tiger look and I knew, right then and there that I cannot push it any further. I believe that whenever a child grows up to be a spoiled brat, during his/ her childhood, certain qualities show when he/she reaches adulthood. I do not think these qualities are out

630 PM I am patiently waiting for the MRT going to Admiralty. 3 MINS the screen shows. I grabbed my phone and browse at my photos. Smiled a little. Reminisce the days when I was in Boracay. I was 23 then. 23 and naïve. Ah, there’s nothing much difference now. Grinned at myself. 30 mins. My ride would take me thirty minutes or so before I reach home. I busied myself into the wonders of the internet. News of Yolanda flooded all over social media. I am shaking off the feeling. I opened my Ibooks and read my unfinished novel. At some point in my journey, I stopped and savored the idea. My imagination at its best. Sad the the lady in my novel felt something for the guy but the guy never noticed. Why does it always have to be like that? I feel pity. Ah, this makes me sad. I looked around. Couples are sitting side by side. Some hugging, some leaning and others, separately open-mouthed asleep. Realities. I lost my interest. I positioned myself comfortably in my seat and ju

I am home for good. I went to Cebu for reasons I do not know. I saw Rachel and she offered me and the rest to stay at their house. I grabbed the chance. Later we went to a beach, a very sunny and crowded beach with ladies all soiled up from beach volley and others, leisurely reading novels on a huge towel. Wow! Everyone seems to be having the time of their lives. I checked my phone. Geez! I am back to my goody ‘ol ever reliable Nokia phone. I have a reception. I glanced around and I realized I haven’t talked to my family about my moving into Cebu yet. I felt sick to my stomach. Why didn’t I inform them before packing all my bags and moving out from Singapore ? I felt guilty. I felt naïve. I felt I have hurt them badly. I checked my Iphone. No connection from my past. They all went blur. I realized I haven’t even handed my resignation letter. Why did I rush things like this? I said to myself. I was having a hard time thinking why I agreed to move out anyway. I felt co

You are a mighty black warrior. You have this incredible power to strike me at my weakest. You are an evil knight who comes in the light of distress darkening the world around me. You are a piece of junk striving to break through all the possible angles. Goodness! How can I not know the likes of you from the very first time I laid my eyes on you? How can I not see how rotten you are amidst the gorgeous face or the luscious lips? Fine. I am the one to blame. I am but a lonely princess. I have limited experiences to base my judgment to. I am but a lousy little worm trying to come out as a beautiful butterfly. Have I not achieved that stage yet? Why do I feel cuffed to the past? Why do I feel so chained with the thoughts of you? I have been to hell and back the first time I heard about it. And been to more hell each time I think about it. But man, Why can’t just get over you? ….

Ikaw… Ikaw ang isa sa aking mga pangarap. Ikaw ang isa sa laman ng aking mga panaginip. I’ve known and heard from you from so many sources. My friends do talk loudly about you and how amazing you really were. Down with your major points: You are such a gentleman who offers more than one expects. You are an active participant where life emanates from. You are the life of the party. You are one of the joys from knowing something new. You are unique and RAW. The time has come that I have known you personally. I’d say my experience with you was one of the most memorable moments of my life. I liked the things I see in you. I liked how transported I felt from one place to another. I like you, need I say more? To you outer core: You are oozing with SEX appeal. You are so HOT. One that is raging with HORMONES, one look and I’d know you’re WILD. A tempter in his own right. What do I love about you? I love that I get to be adventurous when I am with you. I love that I

So I was lobbying facebook and got bored. I was tempted to open up my archives and yes, I found our conversations in an instant. I tried to read back and saw how it never worked out. You and I. You and I… we both are too much to handle. You and I … we both don’t have the focus on things and each time, I end up with a “haha” for lack of better thing to say. You and I… we’re sporting a player look, noncommittal and seemingly interested for the present. Not long term. I groan at a thought. At one point, I was like a drag queen. What was I thinking? Telling you to talk to me once you’re off the hook?! Seriously?! Gosh! I feel as though my toes do sank up to my neck, my pride slowly going with it. Goodness! But between the horrendous lows and terrible lies, I am proud that I was able to steer away from going lower. I beamed up the chance to shine no matter how hurtful it all went. I veered towards achieving self-gratification more than what you can offer. Now, I’m back on my

So here I am sitting at the office, wondering why the sudden rush of emotions came over me. Last night was wine night and some major chika with friends; I woke up late for work today. Boo! Conversations with friends in the wee hours of the morning with a familiar tingling of wine in one’s throat just provoke a deeper sense of reason. That moment when you talk low in a dark night and just let the rush of emotions come by is something wonderful. RAW. If there’s one thing that I intentionally changed about being me is that fact that I now synthesize what I say. Sometimes a reaction is just a reaction for the sake of reacting because you had to edit out very strong feelings involved in it. Just to join the bunch. There are certainly moments that I feel as though I am not being true to myself, by keeping my thoughts rather than saying it. I do have different ideas than the rest, and if I could just react to something the way I wanted it, it would be as true as I am. Sadly,

Responsibilities. Big word. It’s quite scary. Yeah I know we all go through that, at some point in our lives, we do need to assume roles because it is what growing up is all about. But sometimes, these thoughts about roles do scare me. Big time. My sister’s father-in-law just had an Angioplasty operation done. It is a medical procedure referring to the unblocking of the veins of the heart (not quite sure medically). That certain operation is offered only in Manila and thus, my brother-in-law flew into Manila to support his father. So then, I asked my sister “how much does it cost for this operation?” My sister replied, “perhaps 800K to a million plus”. My goodness! Certainly, health is everyone’s wealth. I just can’t imagine… My stubborn mind has gone to the Alps and back. Again. I hate to think about it and have stopped myself from doing so but… I don’t think I could afford an operation like that. Mentally computing, my brother-in-law has got three more sibli

Roll out the red carpet to CHANGI airport, I am gonna have a trip soonest! Where is a break when you need one? No where. We have to make time for it. Do an effort to schedule a leave no matter what. BY HOOK OR BY CROOK. The best thing about being able to travel is the ability to break the routine. Sometimes, things can really get to your nerves and you’d look in a mirror and see your reflection, you ask yourself, AM I STILL 26? My career life is so stressful I can die of it in midday. Lunch time is a huge factor for me to breathe; otherwise, I’d go nuts in no time. Yeah, I have a very demanding job that I do love and hate in the same intensity. I always need a break. It is THAT important to me. I’ve said this before, my greatest joy in life is to see my parents travel along with me. It gives me the satisfaction that they are enjoying their lives after all the hurdles in the past.  If I were 100x richer, I know it would be easy, but do I have time then? Sadly, for t

Getting old! I wonder why there are terrible moments that I wake up and feel obnoxiously down. That feeling that never goes away no matter how hard I shake myself up. It’s creeping right through me and eating me alive. I feel a certain sense of melancholy. I used to love melancholic strolls in the mall to think and reflect about major details of my future decisions. I used to enjoy being alone and getting my thoughts straight so when I come home, I know I’ve already made a concrete decision. But lately, melancholy doesn’t appeal me anymore. I feel bored and sad. I feel empty and down. Hormones, they say, can make a sweet, angelic woman to a tiger in distress. But seriously, I do get distressed every time. I feel as though I am wasting a time of my life wherein I could be with any body. I feel as though I will regret not giving in to some new things that I fear I would not conquer. Ever. There are episodes when I feel lying the whole day. But In the end, I’d die of bo

While I know for sure that money cannot buy me love, it’s amazing to know how blessing comes in different packages. Growing up, my eyes were opened to realities. My father is one hard-working man who seems to have the diskarte to fulfill the ends’ meet, why, it was him, who is solely our bread and butter while Mama stays at home full time to watch and guide us. At home, we were trained to do chores (yun nga lang, I suck at it). My parents instilled in us the value of education more than anything else. I remembered one time… our neighbour asked my mom why she wants her kids to be enrolled in a private school when in the future, same lang daw lahat yan basta grumaduate. My mom would smile and say, I think my children deserve the best of what we can offer. And yes, I was so young then but when I heard that, I promised myself not to let my mother be down. My dad is the breadwinner. My mom is the breadkeeper. She would do all the budgeting right after receiving the amount in f

It takes a lot of courage to pull your self together. It takes a lot of faith to survive a single day. It takes a lot of love to continue living. You see, it is very difficult to be who we are. It is difficult to assume a role that you would carry through no matter what happens. It is hard to continue rowing despite the harsh winds and rueful waves. But why do we seek out to proceed? Why do we go through it all when we know for sure that everything ends? Despite the challenges and the little triumphs, we know it all fades. Whatever we have, we own it. Temporarily. So why do we aim to get more when we do know how fickle this life is? A taste of the air up above will never equal to the polluted wind I keep on breathing in most of my life. But I proceed to nurture life… Perhaps, we’re made this way. We do have an idea where or how it ends yet we’re thrilled to go beyond what we know. Eager for surprises that would make us smile or be weary.  Between the points A and E-nd, th

Ninang! So one of my best girls whatsapped and told me, I am one of the ninangs. I’m glad! She’s having a baby and I am truly happy for her. Not everyone is given the chance to conceive. Sadly. It’s just amazing that someone close to you, been part of you since time immemorial is finally extending herself to her little one. Wow. Gone are the days when we’d think about our crushes and girly giggles every time a cute boy passes by. Time has come na we get to assume responsibilities and not just those easily ignored ones, like those that your parents tell you to do but it just enters one ear and exits to the other. So it occurred to me, I am having so much fun. I am in the time of my life where I can do whatever I please. At 26, I feel as though I am just beginning to live my life. Parang ngayon ko pa na try yung mga things that most of my age are done with. Late bloomer? Definitely! I would assume that I get to be the last to wed or to give birth although, God knows

Dang it! Sleepless night last night. There are just so many things running around my mind and I was trying to process them all at once. Needless to say, I miserably failed. One, I recently talked to a very good friend and we discussed about my Loser life. I hate to say this but I really don’t want to hear the big loser comments. It makes me uncomfortable as hell. I think that we all deserve a chance to experience something within ourselves and that it should not be pre empted with words of advice. Although I do love her with all my heart, but really, sometimes the topic makes me really off and pathetic. Note to self: NEVER talk about it as much as possible. Two, I thought about you. Yes, the two of you. I began to think of the what-ifs and what-nots. How can I possibly entertain your thoughts when clearly I am out of the picture? I hate it. Super. Okay, guilty as charged, I intentionally visited your page and I felt the most idiotic state of missing you. Why can’t I

Level up. I recently went home for a week-long vacation. Again, I found a lot of changes around me. Why, Davao has become crowded, smaller and probably hotter! Notwithstanding the schedule of meeting friends, I found time to be alone, wandering around the mall as my thoughts drowned me. (Just like the old days) So I went to look for clothes that I fancy, perhaps I can buy quite a few pieces, as plain and simple as I’d like my shirt to be, I was surprised it costs as much as 15 dollars. Seriously?! So I told Pop, I don’t think the equilibrium of the salary and the goods here is fair. How are malls supposed to survive? People don’t loan just to buy stuffs, right? (or atleast not me),  then Pop told me, “that’s because you’re so kuripot. Everything looks expensive to you” and I was like “oh well… haha. It’s not easy to earn money” then Pop told me, “now you know!” Seriously, if I was to earn around 20K in a month, I still have to pay taxes, monthly bills, groceries, obli

I love you! Words I’ve been longing to say and hear just the same. But every time, I just feel disappointed and disheartened. Boo! Frankly, there are days when I feel so empty and alone. Those freaking days that make me miss someone who I never should. Then, I look around at people, friends who seemed too solid to be single are those same friends who are now attached. Really?! I am not closing my doors. I am opening my eyes to the changes around me but most often than not, I am not prepared to let someone enter my life. Why? Fear. For some reasons, I fear that I may not maintain the relationship. I fear about my expectations (or lack of it). I fear about what I need to do and what I do not. It’s obviously a matter of being scared to invest and going down the drain after everything. I know. I know that it sounds well too idealistic and believe me, I’ve tried. I’ve tried to like someone who persistently bugs me but interest, oh well, if I am not interested, it will never

1963 BUICK SKYLARK So… I’ve been really eyeing vintage cars sold online. Not that I can afford, but it thrills me to know that there are still those old car models built at around the 50s or later that have been kept in the garage. Where else? Philippines ! (I am a huge HISTORY geek. Thanks to History channel for providing me interesting facts. I loved how time evolved, what happened back in the days and how come things are what they are now. Surely, it has a past, worth telling and knowing.) I am awed at old cars. I saw one in Fullerton hotel. I did not get the model but I think It’s probably built at around 1920s. super old. The ones that have spare tire at the back. I couldn’t help but be mesmerized. Beautiful! Perhaps… if I were 100x richer, I probably know what my hobby is. My friends would tell me I like boy stuffs, but really… it excites me more than makeup ands heels. Duh! Don’t get me wrong, I am not against these girly stuffs but I just don’t think it’s appr

Are you free on August 2014? I knew it! Friends… are tying knots. Of course, for the love of Hogwarts, I’d be there. I won’t miss a best friend’s wedding! Not when that someone you’ve known since you were both mud-bathed from playing high jump, tigso or Chinese garter. How time flies so fast, the last time I can vividly remember of having my best friends complete was when we were in Freshmen College . Young, eager and has the world within our reach. Almost ten years have passed, distance made an impact. News of engagements, wedding without further ado, pregnancy without much deliberation and yet, another wedding flash before my very eyes. I’m getting the hang of things. Facebook kept me updated with the latest relationship statuses. And at one point, I wondered, how come the only constant in this world is change and my relationship status? No, I’m not sour-graping, it’s just a thought that I’d love to have a solid answer with. As with regards to my bestfriends, I am