prexypinoy to the world

As this year is about to end, I am seriously thinking about my future… Haha. Believe me, I tried a hundred times to avoid the thought. I’ve been dreading thinking about the reality of getting older. It’s too self-consuming, bothersome and yes, I feel pressured. Alongside keeping up with being a grownup is a growing desire to achieve more, earn more and build more. I have been clear about my goal of success as being HAPPY but I get all consumed by the fact that I need to do something in order to get something. Which brings me to my thoughts of making concrete plans about my future. Do I have enough? Do I really like the way things are? Am I happy staying this way? These are what make me preoccupied these days. We’re hitting January 1 and next thing I knew, it’s March and it’s my birthday. I am going to be 28!!! Just 2 years before the calendar evicts me… If I stay here in Singapore , keeping my job, okay… will I be happy? Honestly, I feel anxious. I don’t want to go

I was able to watch “HER” last weekend, this is in effect of my being fanatic. Why, I was browsing through videos of K Pop idols and I have come across my new found fave K-pop idol’s her reality show. She mentioned that her favourite song as of the moment is the OST from HER. When she tried to have it aired, I can only listen to melancholy and solitude, it was intense. She mentioned, the only way to appreciate the song is to watch the movie, and so I grew curious and hit play. HER is a movie that generally speaks about Love and feelings of loneliness. How do you cope with loneliness? The Kpop idol mentioned, she watches HER again and again. Upon watching, I couldn’t help but think about the times when I felt lonely myself. That feeling when no one understands what I’m going through. That feeling when I look at the world around me and see colors yet I only stay loyal to being BLUE. That feeling when I’m surrounded by laughter and chitchats yet I feel the silence of empt

2014… I am thankful for the chances. I am thankful for breaks. I am thankful for kindness. I am thankful for good health. Most of all, I am thankful for the people who love and believe in me. I have gone through a lot this year. It has always been me against my personal demons. Those thoughts that suck up my energy in no time. I have undergone major turbulence that left me breathless and helpless. I have gone through doors closing in front of my face. Pain after pain. Struggle after struggle. . It has been an eventful year for my career as when all else have accelerated, I was going through a meltdown. I have been hopelessly thinking of quitting, of starting new, of going after what I want to do and drowned in confusion, even questioning my own capabilities. I have been crying in the shower not wanting to show all my frustrations in public. I have been doing my own therapy, and thus the amount of blogposts. I have never been so sad because I felt lonely. My thoughts th

Six days to go!!! Oh my gosh! How time flies, it’s six days to go before Christmas! What to do? I haven’t done my Christmas shopping yet. And Christmas preparations? Not so much. Oh how I miss home during this time of the year. I’d just be giddy without reason. We don’t have much of a family tradition as we are just few in the family. But growing up, the most traditional thing that we do on Christmases is gathering with the whole clan, play games, chat a bit more, and EAT. I miss those days when my sister and I would host the event and all we do is talk and talk. We’d dance and enjoy ourselves and shop for party favors. I’d personally sponsor for chocolates and candies, it’s such an exciting thing to do, hit the groceries and just buy what I feel like as raffle or game prizes. My last Christmas at home was, 4 years ago. Can you imagine? And with the last 3 Christmases abroad, I try to make It as special as I could by feeling the moment. (pakonsuelo de bobo: It’s ju

To feel rejected. My hatest feeling in the world. Who does not, right? I remembered when I was in high school, I was so enthusiastic in joining a school activity which would present a modern dance. I love to dance, I really do. It’s when you let out your inhibitions and just be all out. I was so excited to learn new steps however our dance leader was a little bit unapproachable. She’ll boss around; get mad at us for not keeping up the dance steps. I had a hard time following as my dance moves are very limited compared to hers. I was trying so hard to practice as much as I can but one day, she belted out tantrums. She then shouted, “what’s wrong with you?” and we all fell silent. As if in a friendly manner, I spoke, “hey, let’s not get mad..,” then she pointed her finger at me “you… you know you’re not a dancer, why did you join?” I was taken aback. The group looked at me with piercing eyes. I was frozen and I wished right then and there that I would be eaten alive by t

P! Guess who I saw? -Who? Someone who occupied your heart for a long time. -Wow!! Sino nga? Si _______. -Oh! At eto na naman tayo. Binabalik balikan ang alaala. Ilang taon na nga ba? 10 years? 10 years ding di tayo nagkita. Sa loob ng 10 years, andaming nangyari, nabago, naalis, natanggal, nadagdag, nadama at kung anu-ano pang “na-“. Walang buwang hindi kita minsang naisip. Paulit ulit ang pagtakbo ng mga kaganapan ng kahapon na pilit kong iwinawaglit sa aking isipan. Sa bawat nakakatuwang alaala, hindi ko pa rin maiwasang mangiti. Parang sirang plakang the more mong iplay, the more mo syang matatandaan. Bakit kasi di nalang naging tayo? Naalala ko noon, pumunta ako sa Manila para sa isang training. At habang sakay ako nga MRT, may namataan akong lalakeng, parehong pareho ng style mo, hindi ko masyadong naaninag ang mga mata nyang natatakpan ng maitim na salamin. Siksikan ang mga tao at ako’y nakaupo sa sulok, naisip kong siguro’y bababa na sya kaya pi

Nakakaadik, Andito na naman tayo, bumabalik balik sa nakalipas. Although aaminin kong namiss ko ang ganitong feeling. Yun bang manonood, makikilig at sympre nabibitin. I used to feel that for so many korean dramas already. Nakakaadik. Matagal tagal din akong nahinto. Work life, friends, internet… factors that kept me quite busy with life kaya hindi na ako nakakapanood. I was “high” on these dramas when I was in high school and a bit in my college life. I started working and I forgot that this used to be my pastime. Why? Because I went back to school and have been too busy going out. My comeback was when I was here in SG. I have experienced numerous disappointments. Yung bang feeling na kelangang kelangan mo ng diversion. I tried to hit the gym, run my heart out, cook and magbalik loob sa aking mga self-acclaimed talents… then a friend introduced me to a new kdrama. Yung title, “You who came from the stars”. Yun na! Dun na nagsimula ang lahat. I’ve been in a hiatu

Naglalakad ako sa isang aisle ng grocery, masayang nagkukwentuhan ng kabarkada kong di ko nakita ng mahigit sampung taon. 10 years?! Can you imagine? Kumusta na si (name of classmate)? Di ba nagkaanak na sya?.. O si (name of classmate), bigtime na!... O si maam (name of teacher), kumusta? Nagrereminisce ng mga masasayang kahapon, nagtatawanan habang binabalikan ang bloopers ng high school. Kay bilis ng panahon at nandito na tayo, 27… ang kabarkada koy, mother of 1, happy wife, happy life. Canadian citizen at umuwi para magbakasyon at syempre, sa aming simpleng reunion. (Simple kasi, ilan lang naman kami, 4!) Tinatakay ang kahapon habang naglalakad papunta sa counter upang bayaran ang aming kinuhang kung anu-anong abubot. Sabihin na nating, ang grocery ay nagiging playground na talaga, pag ikaw ay nearing the 30s or 30s and above. Ouch! Nakakasakit ng waist talaga. Haha Nang biglang… OH MY GOD! IKAW?! Ikaw nga ba? Naglalakad papasok papunta sa aisle na g

“Anong plano mo? Okay ka lang ba kahit ganyan ka lang?” Pumalakpak ang aking mga tenga. Teka! Teka! Anung ibig sabihin. Parang nakakainsulto ata ang tanong. Wrong choice of words. Kinalma ko ang aking sarili at nagtanong, “bakit? Anong ibig mong sabihin” Ang gaga sabay kibit balikat at nagsabi “wala naman” hmnn.. malamang nakuha din nya na deep inside nagwewelga na ang damdamin ko. Naisip kong mas makabubuting hindi na ako bumuwelta, bagkus kelangang, “I-let it go, let it go..” Pero pagkatapos ng pag uusap na yon, kahit saang anggulo ko tingnan, nagmamarka ang katagang “okay ba na ganyan ka LANG?” Ano ang masama sa pagiging single? Ano ang masama kung Masaya ka naman sa takbo ng buhay mo? Hmnn… ang totoo, mahirap ding mag explain. Sa paulit ulit na tanong “bakit ka single” marahil makabubuting magrecord na ako ng sagot. For English, press 1, for bisaya press 2. Bakit ka single? She pressed 1. For practical reason press 1, for philosophical, press 2. for co

This is the time of my life wherein I can do the things I want,   go to places I've always dreamed of going, meet new people and yes, pursue some of my passion. I have always been passionate about arts and I always wanted to paint. I have been passionate about travels and wanted to explore more in Asia and someday, Europe. Who knows right? But lately, I have been passionate about good food… food that I dare not waste by not eating it in full. Let's say, a plateful of baby back ribs… When I was younger, when I order something and feel that I am already full. I set it aside. Not minding if I wasted food. Nowadays, I always feel hesitant to waste it. Why, I am buying it and earning is a lot of hard work and sacrifice. My appetite has gone doubled and so is my weight. I used to think that among my family, I am the chosen one. I'd be the slim type, the belly-free family member. But who am I kidding?   I am now standing side by side my sister (who's a mother of t

Whew! One week is super fast! Just got back from my weeklong vacation back home. And I realized so many things… 1)       I am not 24 anymore. As much as I’d like to deny my being in the late 20s and make believe that my age is still where I left it 3 years ago, being home emphasized that I am no longer that young. There are “new breeds”. I went to the mall and sit nonchalantly at a fast-food with clear glass windows… I took time to notice… I saw myself in ladies wearing uniforms, eating and chatting excitedly. You know what, I used to be like that, meeting the same person, talking like there’s no tomorrow. Haha 2)       I need to level up. As much as I like being in control with the things that I am surrounded by right now, I am not that fulfilled yet. In fact, I feel there is something lacking. I am half empty more than feeling half-full. I feel that there is more to life than living everyday with work as my constant thought-stealer! 3)       I need to make up

I am proud to be. Truth is… I never really knew my words were too deep a bisaya for Davao . I’d often get my friends who’d laugh at me for the terms I use which they think are way too bisaya. For generation Y in Davao , which includes perhaps the 80s kids and onwards, Bisaya is more of the TAGBIS (tagalog-bisaya). Phrases like: “magbili tayo nyan ba!” or “maglagot gyud ako sa teacher namin ba” are very common. Although growing up, most of my classmates are pure bisaya (not a hint of tagalog unless we’d make pasosyal at school) it was a transition when I went to college. I’ve got classmates who came from other regions who speak tagalog, I’ve got friends who simply are tag-bis at home. Of course, my ears would go extra attentive when I hear, “magpunta tayo sa mall” or “lain ka man uy, di ka man nagsaba!” seriously! I had a fun time listening to all these blabbering but as time goes by, parang naanad na talaga ako ba! Blame it on the household! Our homes and the people ar

Priorities have changed… I found myself googling the term “ davao city properties” and browsed through lots and lots of pictures of houses and lots with six zeroes attached in the tag. My goodness! How can I ever afford a 2M house and lot, 200 sq m located along bo. Pampanga? Or yes, the 5M h&l along buhangin? I know for sure, I don’t have the money for it. Mentally computing to resell my current assets, it’s still so short, bisag apil pa lawas, ma hurt rako kung hangyuon pa! HAHA My biggest goal to date is to buy a property, preferably just near downtown. I would love to have a residence maybe in el rio, hillside, fortune and those familiar subdivisions just near our current place. I’d die working and I still would not be able to afford 12M H&L in Insular, Woodridge or Robinsons. It would be too much of a dream to own a place in those exclusive subd. Don’t get me wrong; as much as I’d want to live in any of those, I know it’s not the reality for me. not YET.

Damn you! Seriously, there’s got to be a way to achieve a level of confidence about being angry. And believe me when I say that I really don’t have that level of confidence. It’s always retreating to my peaceful rendezvous, where anger, pride and envy do not exist. I have been a happy child; I don’t get angry easily or maybe, at all. I get pissed, yes, but the degree is little to nothing because I easily forget the reason why I am pissed in the first place. I always keep my cool and maintain a calm outlook because once the damage has been done, it is finished, and you cannot repair it by being vengeful. Karma always finds its way. Coming to Singapore , it was completely new to me. I seem to get that the people here are more open, more vocal, more expressive about hate. I am not used to telling someone that he did wrong by doing this or that and that he should take the blame for the misdeed. It is completely the opposite. I get it why people become unhappy. It is a strugg