prexypinoy to the world

As much as we want to take old friends with us to the next level, sometimes, it’s better to just leave them as they are. I have always been a very loyal friend. The type to make an enemy of someone who messes up with my friend. I’d like to think that that’s just how I view friendships – worth protecting for. I am usually cool. I don’t take things like everything is such a big deal. I’ve never been that problematic friend with various issues. However, with the recent friendship situation that I am in, I am reconsidering the type of friend I am and exactly the type of friend I have. As a friend, I am slow to process anger. I get annoyed, yes, but most of my friends don’t really get the gravity of what I’m feeling because I don't show it. Normally, I take a step back and process it on my own like a stupid martyr suffering in silence. But not anymore. I have made a vow to myself. With relationships, romantic or friendship, I would never compromise my own emotions. I refuse to

“I have mental challenges.” It’s pretty common especially here in the North American region. A friend and I once had a dialogue about the possible causes of mental illness in a first-world country, such as Canada and we could infer that there are several factors that when you look at it, are intertwined. I want to put a disclaimer here; this is a stereotypical analysis with no proof other than what is observed. This may sound ignorant, but it is what it is, and I do not want to sugarcoat things. Growing up and being raised in a third-world country offers a stark contrast to the economic and social capabilities of individuals living here. I always think that depression and underlying mental conditions emanate from experiences as a child. It must have been a void that no matter how you try to seal it, sinkhole after sinkhole appears. For one, I am living in a very expensive city, and with this comes the resources that you need to produce to keep on living here. From an economic perspecti

Imagine starting your day with a bright, "Good morning!" to Alexa, and she promptly kicks off with the latest barrage of world news, all gloom and doom. The war in Ukraine, Israel-Hamas tensions, and a host of other not-so-happy headlines – it's like the news has a subscription to negativity, right? Let's talk about habits for a moment. They're like these sneaky little routines we do without even thinking. In my case, my morning news ritual was turning me into a pessimist before I'd even had my coffee. Instead of feeling ready to conquer the day, it felt like I was diving headfirst into a sea of worries. 🌊 I mean, who could blame me? When every headline screams chaos and conflict, it's tough not to feel anxious. The constant exposure to bad news had turned me into a professional skeptic – I couldn't trust anyone's intentions, and my view of the world had been thoroughly muddied. So, I asked myself, "Why don't news outlets ever focus

It’s the thanksgiving weekend! I can't believe I am now part of this celebration being strategically planted here. I love this season. It incites gratefulness. In a world where people become highly entitled to anything, we look deeper within ourselves and realize that it’s not the world’s obligation to give us anything. In fact, and to put it bluntly, the world does not owe us anything. And with this comes the appreciation that you were chosen, you were blessed, you were fortunate to be given the opportunity to receive something. Maybe you did something right or maybe you got lucky? Either way, the fact that not everyone gets the same favor, nudges you to remain grounded and grateful. A few months ago, I met with old friends. I was happy to share my journey here in Canada. As the conversation got deeper, I was asked, “Are you not planning to move to the US?”, I was literally speechless. I was unable to answer. I smiled. It’s not the question that is hard to answer, it is th

Groupthink It is defined in Investopedia as a phenomenon that occurs when a group of individuals reaches a consensus without critical reasoning or evaluation of the consequences or alternatives. With this phenomenon comes the branches of other things that usually occur. In layman’s terms, sometimes it can be maritessing. That is when friend A says that friend B is a sl*t, for example. Then friend A says that she sees friend B with different cars dropping her off. Friend C would jive in and say, she sees friend B wearing heavy makeup all the time and is always on her phone. Friend D, E, and F will agree and give their supposed “testimonials”. All of them conclude the same destructive things against Friend B. Friend E might have been peer-pressured to chime in. Friend F might make stories just to be “in”. It is a scenario that is very common in the society. Without proper evaluation, we just produce a solid conclusion. No Ifs and no buts. Today, A mentioned that a temp stole a

I don’t dwell on missed opportunities. Or at least I try not to. I’ve always been a hard worker. The type who looks so chill and perhaps, the type who gets what she wants, just because. My sister always tells me that my pursuits look so easy to me. Lucky for me, she knows me and the hustles behind it. Behind the scenes, things are messy. It is always under construction with bits and pieces of something from somewhere.  Behind every little milestone, is me struggling to make sense of the world around me. It is me thinking about how to attack a certain situation. I spend an inordinate amount of time breaking down a problem and providing countless solutions. Even then, I have always been that. Sometimes, I ponder why I must work double, or triple times harder than everyone else. I know I am competent, and maybe it comes with the territory, but it gets toasty (for lack of a better word). Toasty because I seem to fight my way through everything. I must defy the odds just to get a sp

People are not what they seem. Sadly, it’s a reality that we must deal with, no matter how painful this can get. My sister always tells me that I am a black-and-white type of person.  I am resolute in thinking just about the two ends. There was no gray area. I used to be so conflicted with the idea of a gray area. What does that mean? Well, she said, I see the world with firmness. I see the world with only two opposing sides, black or white, good, or evil, etc. I have not considered the gradient, the in-betweens, the undefined. Growing up, I expressed strong opinions, chose between two sides, and settled with one or either side and for that, I got into multiple petty trouble. For the longest time, I have struggled to come to terms with seeing more than I could possibly see, choosing from different spectrums, and possibly settling with the unimaginable. I figured I needed an intervention. And boy, did an intervention come cheap? It did not. I met with different people and shared

I decided to make a big purchase. There was someone who wanted to see the car today, but the seller suggested that we could meet last night, and I agreed. I met with the seller and the first thing that he did was to open the hood. That thing was funny, when I saw it, I just thought it was dirty and lacking any colors. He expected me to check the engine, and pull up the dipstick to check the oils, perhaps? But before now I had no idea what a dipstick was. So, all I did was look at it on the surface. Never touched anything. Then I did a test drive. The car’s dashboard was too wide. I had to slow down and gauge whether I can fit into double parked cars in our street. Then I told the seller that I can hear a noise, but he said, we should try it on the highway. He drove. I can’t hear anything. The seller might have thought I know about cars because prior to the meeting, I asked him several questions. I just asked him the things I remember from reading on the internet like the VIN and Carfax

So Last week was super intense. I had to do two nerve-wracking, make-it-or-break-it exams. To say that it was easy would be a lie. At one point, I wondered how I always subject myself to challenges and yet feel so short of unleashing my own true power. When Heart E. mentioned  “I love it that I am not a hostage to anyone”, I felt that. In my case, I don’t want to be held hostage by my own feelings and fears. I’ve said it then and I am saying it now… one of my greatest fears is not realizing my full potential. I would want to dive headfirst and see if I can survive. And if I will, only then I could say that I have somehow, lived. I don’t want to curb my thirst for adventures just because it’s safe to stay on the shores. And for the longest time, my career has been the opposite of that. I felt restrained. I never tried switching jobs in Singapore because I grew complacent. Why change a routine? I grew accustomed to a lifestyle that adapted well to the job that I was doing. I spend ti

YAYYYYYY! This is so surreal. I have been tensed since Sunday. The tension was severe that whenever I think about today, my hands and feet were cold in two seconds. No kidding. I know I am lacking in so many aspects. First, I learned later in life. Second, I barely drive. Third, this fear. And so, I’ve been making illustrations of traffic lights for me to remember. Come Monday, I was completely nervous. I reached out to friends, talked to coworkers, and asked for luck and importantly, prayers. At night, I did not want to burden myself with last-minute studying, so I just made myself busy doing my art. When I lay down in bed, I prayed continuously that I would be guided with wisdom. As I slept, I was going through simulations in my head. As a result, I barely slept. Come D-day, I was surprised to wake up calm. Calmer than ever. I made coffee and sat for a little while. I quickly scanned through my notes and proceeded to freshen up.  I did an hour of practice before the exam and

“What will be, will be.”, says my coworker for whom I have confided how tensed I am. I have never been more nervous than tomorrow’s exam. I have done bigger exams like my IELTS or CELPIP which had a huge impact on my immigration status. But nothing compares to the thought that I am coming to an exam less of myself and more of an uncertain examinee. Although to be fair, I did employ an instructor and took six lessons, I still feel short of the skill. My instructor told me, “I have to be honest; you have a 50-50 chance of passing, do you still want to go?” Stubborn as I am, I told her, “Yes, I cannot delay it any further.” It’s bringing me back to my Freshmen years when one failure had defined my entire college and one opinion had me doubt the entirety of my capability. So, when someone says, “You are not ready” I don’t necessarily believe them. It’s like me proving to them that the mold they procure was nothing but empty shackles to me.  It may be plain stupidity or natural curiosit

I’m generally calm and cool. But as I grow older, I found that another side of me is gradually coming out. I don’t know if it’s the hormones and moods or just generally an influence by my environment. I don’t like being this but there are days when I become the HULK. I am becoming an angry person and that startles me. I get angry with unreasonable people. I use to get scared of people demanding something from me. I worked in the customer service field for a long time and the role involves a lot of pacifying. When a VIP comes in and demands a thing or two to be done, pronto. It must be done pronto. But as I get more experience, I get tired of these foolish people. I get angry thinking about their kind’s privilege. I’ve never worked in the BPO industry, but I get the exasperation of agents taking distressed calls from unreasonable callers. Today, someone called the office phone and started blabbering about how upset he was about a parking ticket. I did my best to hear him out, bu

I want to have a social experiment to be another me. Version 2.0 in terms of worldliness. Whatever that means. I want to be bolder, more social, and generally out there. I would scrap the safe, guarded, and rational me for about a month. I want to try and be the opposite. But how to do it? My steps would be funny but considering how strange this project is, maybe I can convince myself of it. Step 1. Research the avenues to reach out to people. Where to be “active” and not just a silent reader. Step 2. Join a group and allow a person-to-person “meet up.” Step 3. Engage in activities. I don’t know the additional steps to this project. For now, I will call it “Project PreXXX”. Should I do it?

I don’t want to give. It may sound so egotistical but there would come a point in life wherein giving wears you out. I am not talking solely about the material things that you could provide but the time and effort you freely give to someone. I read a random quote on the web and the particular line struck me: “Match my efforts”. It triggered a mental response right away. I am used to initiating communications, organizing meetings of sorts, and making sure that someone feels involved. The more I did it, the more it cemented the role as my regular. I was happy doing it, so I did not mind it until recently. Communication is a two-way thing. It won’t work if I eagerly reach out and do not get a response. But I wondered, does it have to have a response? Do I really have to initiate communication? What if I just keep quiet? When I don’t hear from you, maybe it’s just the way things are. I don’t mean that friendship requires constant communication because I have good friends whom I do no

“I need to get away!” That’s my major thought one day when I woke up from a deep sleep. How could I not take a single vacation leave for a year? I wondered. This comes after my stupid travel ban rule in the hopes of recovering financially. However, the signs of burnout are showing – exhaustion, lethargy, and boredom. I feel as though I am working for nothing. I could not possibly go on working because I know what I can do if I reach a certain limit. I initially planned to travel to somewhere beautiful early this year. I made the plans, map out the places to go, and even go as far as booking my hotels. BUT… I changed my mind and opted to fly home instead. Going home is a long ride and a very expensive one at that. I am so used to coming home on a 3–4-hour flight but Canada is just so far. I was mentally preparing myself. I have three weeks of vacation. I decided to take one week off to take my parents on a trip, much to their surprise. I made the plans myself and decided to

Funny how I used to care about so many people before. I’d like to be on the loop, to be in the know. But now as a levelheaded 30-ish, I come into terms about what I can control and what I cannot. I care less about other people’s opinions because I was never one to do things based on other people’s feelings. I care less about a person’s story because it is not my personal experience. You may say I am uninterested. Yes, I am deeply uninterested about other people’s affairs unless they want me to be a part of it. I admit it gets scary sometimes because I feel like I am closing off. I don’t like forcing things or undefined anything. I don’t like undefined relationships, undefined preferences, or undefined intentions, among others. If you like me, sure! That’s great, we could be friends. If you don’t, that’s okay, too. I’d like to think that the more I stay in the moment, the more focused I am to achieve meaningful experiences. I have always thought of life as a fleeting gift that

I was watching "Sex and the City" last night, there’s this scene where Miranda told Mr. Big that both Carrie and he are crazy for deciding to get married. And then, Mr. Big got cold feet and never showed up to the wedding. Then Carrie’s best friends being her best friends, took her away for vacation. Then six months after on Valentine’s Day, Miranda finally confessed that she may have said something that may have had a significant impact on Mr. Big’s cold feet demeanor. Carrie was perplexed that Miranda did not tell her sooner. Miranda said she was waiting for the proper timing and Carrie told her that she should’ve tried to tell her every day. Carrie mentioned, “You know what hurts the most, it’s not because you told me six months after, it’s because you kept a secret from me when I never kept a single secret from you.” This line… I could relate 100%. I am conflicted with the idea of friendship. At one point, I think that secrets go with the kind and level of friendship that

I admit I am a fan of Reddit. It takes me back to a time when forums were the first form of social media interaction. If truth be told, I was once a member of Sarah Geronimo’s fan forum. LOL. No kidding! Yes, I did that. The forums are interesting. It feels like a community of people sharing information, getting answers to their questions, or just people broadcasting their admiration for something or someone, somewhere. Anyway, so I am not a regular commenter on Reddit. I am more of the silent lurker type. However, last night I had the burning curiosity to type in a question. It was a wholesome inquiry into places here in Vancouver. Being new here with limited transportation options, I have not been to many local places. I wanted to explore this city and get the most out of it. I do not want to be a tourist even after years of living here. I wanted to know the inside information, somewhat like the local guide to sumptuous meals, hole-in-the-wall places, etc. I was surprised to

“When gratefulness is an option, always choose it every time.” This was the line that struck me in Anne Hathaway’s magazine interview. Life is a series of decisions. Sometimes, we make good ones and stumble upon bad ones. Some bad decisions, we know from the start and still pushed on, and others, well, we thought it was good until it went bad, OR it was good but ended up bad. Because of life’s unpredictability, we try to forge paths never really knowing what happens next. But it is in this unpredictability that life becomes life. We either rise above the occasion, stay safe, or get let down. When we understand that nothing stays permanent, we do our best to go with the flow. No amount of happiness nor sadness stays forever. The same is true with our experiences. For mine, I have had thoughts about how something I really wanted never materialized. It’s like having all the ingredients and all I must do is boil them together. However, by some twist of fate, the stove had malfuncti

I hate that I must be the nice one. Nice, as in, the recipient of trivial gossip, the person who can always be a target for anything and everything unbelievably insane. I’ve always shied away from gossip. I don’t want to get myself involved in useless conversations where the main objective is to create a story about someone else – the goal would be to tell it in the most creative way possible – unfortunately, the worse, the better. I don’t like talking about a colleague, an acquaintance, or a friend of mine in a way that makes me question my own loyalty. I don’t like being name-dropped in malicious conversations. When the message has been relayed and they single out who was the source, I don’t want it to be me.   I just don’t like how it makes me feel – cheap and village-y. I have packaged myself with the dignity and competence of a grown woman who can hold her own. I have always thought of myself as someone who can say a thing and be completely honest and accountable for it. I