Tuesday, November 19, 2013

got it bad

630 PM

I am patiently waiting for the MRT going to Admiralty.

3 MINS the screen shows. I grabbed my phone and browse at my photos. Smiled a little. Reminisce the days when I was in Boracay. I was 23 then. 23 and naïve. Ah, there’s nothing much difference now. Grinned at myself.

30 mins. My ride would take me thirty minutes or so before I reach home. I busied myself into the wonders of the internet. News of Yolanda flooded all over social media. I am shaking off the feeling. I opened my Ibooks and read my unfinished novel.

At some point in my journey, I stopped and savored the idea. My imagination at its best. Sad the the lady in my novel felt something for the guy but the guy never noticed. Why does it always have to be like that? I feel pity. Ah, this makes me sad. I looked around. Couples are sitting side by side. Some hugging, some leaning and others, separately open-mouthed asleep. Realities.

I lost my interest. I positioned myself comfortably in my seat and just went with my thoughts. I drifted to my past and I felt nostalgic. What if I did not take the risk? What if I stayed home? What if I told him I loved him? Scratch that.

I thought about my present, I felt utterly puzzled. Am I in a place where I should be? Am I just wasting my time? Why not fall in love? Why care too much for people who care less? Why am I sad? Why am I happy? My thoughts ran in chaos. I should not answer my questions. At least not as loud as I can other than, whenever I am in the toilet. Why, people might find me as a lunatic.

I thought about my future… why do I even worry about not having an insurance? My parents’ retirement? My solid investments? My future family? My boredom when all my adventure subsides? I felt scared, thirsty and worried about what I will become. Stop me.

715PM. The operator mentioned: reached Admiralty. Oh at least it saved me from my own misery. I walked hurriedly but as soon as I got out from the MRT station, I slowed down my pace. I want to see what beauty unfolds me.

How grateful Singaporeans should be, they have a very nice environment. If they can only realize how special they are, no floods, typhoons, earthquakes. Not in the fault line, ring of fire or most dangerous cities. Ah, some people just got it. And they got it good.

Then it occurred to me, what if while walking down the alley the water will rise, I secured my phone, Geez! It should have a battery life more than 80%, if water goes higher, what will I do? I scanned the sideways, Oh I’d run towards home but the water might reach me, so I just have to go to the nearest ladder and grab the railings. The people will panic but I shall keep calm. Do I have biscuits in my bag! Good, I have one. I’d eat one bite a day? Will I survive?

730. I was too engrossed with my idea of surviving an apocalypse I did not notice I was on the front door.


Some people got it. Some people got it bad… my memory, I forgot the door code! 

Friday, November 8, 2013

cebu

I am home for good.

I went to Cebu for reasons I do not know. I saw Rachel and she offered me and the rest to stay at their house. I grabbed the chance. Later we went to a beach, a very sunny and crowded beach with ladies all soiled up from beach volley and others, leisurely reading novels on a huge towel. Wow! Everyone seems to be having the time of their lives.

I checked my phone. Geez! I am back to my goody ‘ol ever reliable Nokia phone. I have a reception. I glanced around and I realized I haven’t talked to my family about my moving into Cebu yet.

I felt sick to my stomach. Why didn’t I inform them before packing all my bags and moving out from Singapore? I felt guilty. I felt naïve. I felt I have hurt them badly. I checked my Iphone. No connection from my past. They all went blur. I realized I haven’t even handed my resignation letter. Why did I rush things like this? I said to myself.

I was having a hard time thinking why I agreed to move out anyway. I felt confused. I told A and S that I am very much upset. I asked them if we had a conversation regarding the moving out and they confirmed we did. I was excited, that’s what they said.

I tried to remember. Was I drunk? Was I feeling depressed during that time? Did I really decide to go with them? I cannot recall. So I went back to the cabin and found myself sitting in the lounge chair. Perhaps, I’d call my boss and inform him that I will be taking a two-day emergency leave. Will he know I’m back to my hometown? Or should I just go with this and have my self AWOL-ed?

I remembered my Pass. Is it with me? Oh it is! A surge of happiness. I recalled that when we were packing last night I did not include some of my stuff. I slept early and let them pack their own stuff for moving out. A came out and told me she packed my things for me. How sweet. I said my thank you and leave her at the porch.

My head aches from trying to remember everything. Migraine. I’ve gone too far. I am still undecided. What would I do?

KRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIINGGGGGGGGGGGGGG…
KRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIINGGGGGGGGGGGGGG…
My alarm kicks in.

I was awoken from a deep sleep with a disoriented glance sideways, I saw nothing but darkness.

6 AM.

I stared at the ceiling with the same thoughts of puzzlement. Why was I in Cebu?

What was I thinking?