Monday, January 16, 2017

slice of cake

The breeze fanning my face, the busy streets with various colors and lights, but the best of all, the frequent smiles that I receive from random people that reminds me, “hey, I am Human!”

In my usual travels, I do have an itinerary but most of these are forgotten once I arrive at the destination. Why, it’s fun! It’s an adventure!

Take for example, hopping a bus or a train going to an outlet store somewhere in Jersey but opted to spend the time just walking around the busy metropolis. I was wearing the thickest of my coats in response to the cold weather that has been affecting my nose and head for a few days. I got hit by the flu bug and it distracts me from marvelling my eyes on the various sceneries that await me. Seriously, when you got colds on an important travel, doesn’t it feel like you want to take out your nose and collect the mildew, dispose it all at once, so then you can continue to enjoy the travel when you were in top condition?

Anyway, I opted to see the flatiron building today. Believe it or not, I don’t know where it is and I am depending so much on my GPS. I passed by the “korea town” and it really felt like a little korea, whereby the restaurants and shops offer nothing but Korean food and stuff. I am amazed to see these small shops in one street, I wanted to go one by one but if I do so, I might not have more time for other places later.

I saw a small fruit stop and opted to buy some grapes, it’s fun munching something while walking and fruits would make a great fit. I was busy walking and watching the people pass me, forget the munching, I thought maybe later I’d find the perfect spot. I was stunned to see…

“there it is!” I said to myself, seeing flatiron building beaming against the sunlight. My friend asked me, “does it look like an iron to you?”, “it sure does”, I replied, and somewhat like a giant layer of cake or my fave slice of egg pie. I saw the park across it, MADISON SQUARE PARK, Perfect spot, it sure is. I sat in one of the chairs and took out my bag of grapes. I enjoyed myself so much. It’s refreshing to be able to pause and watch people and how busy everyone is. It feels good to finally take the down time and absorb other people’s way of life.

I saw yellow cab hustling through the streets, nonstop sirens from all over the place. Ladies in heels, half-running half-jumping, guys on bikes and yes, tourists like me, busy taking photos and checking the map, seems familiar. I imagined if it was my city, I would be one of those who can’t decide to run or walk just to get to office, or maybe I’d be one of those having coffee in one hand while having my bag on the other while walking OR perhaps, I’m not one to see, as I’ll be a home-based nanny or whatever, this city is just too expensive to be unemployed!

I stood up and walk past the intersection just to have a closer look at the building. Strangers smiled at me, as I took out my phone and tried to capture crossing the street, one for the movies style! I imitated a lady crossing the street  with fresh mid-turn in a slowmo, pan out, zoom and cut!  Weird, I know, but everything seems to be cinematic in there!

My tummy is a bit of distraction though, might be the grapes or must be that I am starving.

My GPS showed me a nearer fastfood chain but my sister strictly told me not to be late for dinner, so I said goodbye to flatiron district… Adieu, see you again…

new year, new nonsense

Here I am again, getting on in this sh*thole.

I am thinking, why am I even allowing this?
Why am I even giving time stressing myself thinking about what I don’t need to think about?

Yes, this is so me. I appear calm and collected, cheerful even in the face of the many seasons that I am going through but in truth, I am a child, desperate, delicate and tired of taking charge.
Do I dodge responsibilities? I hope so. I sincerely do. Even then, I have taken the initiative to take charge to the extent that I just fall down and cry in the showers for fear of affecting anyone with my negative vibes.
Sometimes, I do want to give up. Pass my crown to someone who’s very eager to take the lead. But what do I do? There’s no one but me?

New Year, new hope. I always believed that. And I always look forward to starting the year on a good note.
However, new year’s always bring me to think, think and rethink and I don’t know why!
I hate that I am feeling anxious of what this year will bring and the worst, being anxious over my present.

While I keep on injecting some happy memories to balance out my mood, I really can’t stop myself from thinking about my status and how it brings me to my future. “take your time”, they say, but how much more time do I need?
Time is relative to success and time is so precious, it drags me super slow to where I want to be.

Am I getting impatient? Maybe.

When we want to achieve something and yet, all the forces of the universe seem to contradict, what can we seriously do? WAIT. But what if waiting has always been a fixture and you want to claim your life the way you deserve?

I am speaking deeply from a person who has been waiting all her life. Time has passed me by, people have gone by, seasons already changed a million times and yet, I remain here standing tall, no, almost bending, like a tree after every typhoon, staying strong.

This year, I want it to be my year. A year of new glory. A year to bloom. A year to prepare and bounce back to where I should be.

I need to get out of this sh*thole and be brave to face what comes ahead. I need to stop yapping about what has been gone and start anew.


I can do this, aja!!