new year, new nonsense

Here I am again, getting on in this sh*thole.

I am thinking, why am I even allowing this?

Why am I even giving time stressing myself thinking about what I don’t need to think about?

Yes, this is so me. I appear calm and collected, cheerful even in the face of the many seasons that I am going through but in truth, I am a child, desperate, delicate and tired of taking charge.

Do I dodge responsibilities? I hope so. I sincerely do. Even then, I have taken the initiative to take charge to the extent that I just fall down and cry in the showers for fear of affecting anyone with my negative vibes.

Sometimes, I do want to give up. Pass my crown to someone who’s very eager to take the lead. But what do I do? There’s no one but me?

New Year, new hope. I always believed that. And I always look forward to starting the year on a good note.

However, new year’s always bring me to think, think and rethink and I don’t know why!

I hate that I am feeling anxious of what this year will bring and the worst, being anxious over my present.

While I keep on injecting some happy memories to balance out my mood, I really can’t stop myself from thinking about my status and how it brings me to my future. “take your time”, they say, but how much more time do I need?

Time is relative to success and time is so precious, it drags me super slow to where I want to be.

Am I getting impatient? Maybe.

When we want to achieve something and yet, all the forces of the universe seem to contradict, what can we seriously do? WAIT. But what if waiting has always been a fixture and you want to claim your life the way you deserve?

I am speaking deeply from a person who has been waiting all her life. Time has passed me by, people have gone by, seasons already changed a million times and yet, I remain here standing tall, no, almost bending, like a tree after every typhoon, staying strong.

This year, I want it to be my year. A year of new glory. A year to bloom. A year to prepare and bounce back to where I should be.

I need to get out of this sh*thole and be brave to face what comes ahead. I need to stop yapping about what has been gone and start anew.

I can do this, aja!!