walk away

I’ll just walk away.

The friend told me in response to a boy’s actions against wooing someone instead of her. She mentioned. They’ve been going out, talking a lot of things, did some subtle intimacies and yet, she doesn’t have a clue on what they really are (or was).

She said, “I just don’t get it. He doesn’t have a clue that I like him. I like him a lot. And now, he’s seeing someone else. Please tell me what to do”

And though I said it last night, I want you to understand, my friend, every detail I want you to get from me. I know I am not in the position, more than everyone else to tell you this. I know that I am not as experienced as your other friends but I want you to hear me out as someone who went (and is still going through the pain) of these pseudo-relationships. Here are the things that I should have done:

1)       I should have been vocal. I always believed that the purest of emotions are better kept unsaid. I still believe in that but yet, if I had been quite open about telling him how I really feel rather than keeping it to myself and pretending not to care, it might have led on to something better than this.

2)       I should have been more carefree. I am the best suppressor (if there is such a term) I was afraid to show my feelings because I am afraid that I get rejected. During a chance of meeting him and walking away, I always found myself caught in between and later on, deciding for the latter. Who in his right mind would accept that as a girl’s answer?

3)       I should have been more confident. Confidence comes in knowing that you are good enough but allowing someone to see you through. Confidence is getting my ass know that someone will love me and accept me for who I am and not fear about him knowing how complex I am as a woman.

4)       I should have been truer. The statement says it all.

5)       I should have loved myself more. In loving one’s self, the person has an idea that you cannot be threatened by him getting a new girl or him creating a new relationship. The self should come first before anyone else. I am not saying one should be selfish, but one should guard her heart.

And because you asked for my opinion, I am giving it to you; with your permission of course… the best thing to do is to be yourself. Give yourself a chance to do what you want and fight for what you deserve. I know it may ask a lot of pride but to hell with pride if it’s happiness that we’re talking about.

Finally, give time to make your feelings known. Maraming namamatay sa maling akala, maraming nasasaktan sa mga assumptions at maraming nagpapakamatay sa maling balita. We owe it to ourselves to be truthful enough and to assume responsibilities to acknowledge what we really feel.

My point is this, I don’t care what people say about my admittance. Whether they’ll know or not about my deliverance, all I care for is myself, on what makes me happy and at peace. I only live one life; I should live it my way. What about telling someone that I like him, it’s a personal thing. I reserve the right to feel what I feel because it’s what I am.

You only walk away when you have made things clear and not leave things as complicated as they already are. You only walk away when you are sure that you won’t look back. Don’t keep it hanging for the devils of your past may haunt you soon after. You only walk away when you know it’s done and there’s no point returning.