I QUIT

I QUIT.

If only I can say the words aloud in front of the big boss or in front of someone giving me such a pain in the ass. If only I can do it just like that and never look back. If only I have the confidence to do such an earth-shattering act and head out the door at my own pace.

If only… but certainly, I cannot do that. If there’s anything I’m not, that’s being a quitter. I don’t want to quit without even trying. I just could not take decisions half-baked or half-thought. It scares the hell lot of me.

Seriously, if there’s one thing I learned solidly about my experiences, it’s the lesson of thinking first before speaking and later on, thinking thoroughly before deciding. I would not say I ace every decision I make, but I make it a point not to be impulsive in my decisions or get too excited by the pros of an action. I try to come neutral and take my time.

I’m having a hard time about an aspect in my life. If I would just go with my heart, I’d go directly to where my feet lead me, regardless of the discouragements I heard from my closest of friends. After all, life is short and getting shorter as the days passed. Also, I am starting to get convinced that I am a rebel. I enjoy fighting for something just because I am thrilled with the idea of going after what I want and not what people dictate me. I just want to defend my right, no ifs or buts. It’s rightfully mine.

I am so troubled that I am nearing to lose sight of the perks of being abroad. The freedom, independence, power and so on but to be honest, I just want to rest. I feel so tired with all the confusion running through my head. I feel so old yet I am just in the prime of my adult life. There are days when I wished I just had to think about my travels instead of thinking about my future in general. I know, yes, I am over thinking things again but God, how can I stop?

Chatted with a good friend who had the same thought as what I have, he said, if could just ditch the corporate life and just drive a taxi, he would but definitely, he can’t. What’s so complicated about life is that there are so many complications to achieve a SIMPLE life.

My system has gone haywire, I feel as though I’ve nothing to achieve but solely for myself. I read from some article that this is a sign of boredom as a SINGLE person, an alarm to remind a person that there is a NEED to have someone. I don’t know if I’d agree or not.

My prayer is that I’d be able to smile at the confusion and take things lightly. I always remind myself that life should not be taken too seriously. I am young and totally free. Thou shall not quit but fight to survive and when all else fail, I’ve got a beautiful family to come home to. :)