yeah!

Happy 2015!!

I spent my days before hitting New Year contemplating about my future plans.

To be honest, it has been a first. I am just usually happy and giddy towards the end of the year but maybe as I grow older, I begin to think about what I really want to happen with my life. Needless to say, I am in an age wherein, I NEED to be a bit serious.

Looking back, I was serious. Hell yeah! But I would always end up on going to a playful path. I’ve had my finest moments in, “F*ck it, whatever, let’s do it!” or “It’s not for me, fine”. It’s always about choosing to act on something and then when it does not turn out well, let’s not talk about it and move on to something more interesting.

Days before the New Year, I have this big question hanging above my head, “where would I be in 5 years?”

Ahhh.. I spent lonely times riding the bus, seriously thinking about what I wanted to do in life. I acknowledge that I still have time to pursue my other dreams, dreams of studying abroad, starting a biz, learning how to drive, migrating to a new country where there is permanency, applying for something more… however, I am always drawn to a fear of how to start. Where to begin?

They say at 25, you begin to understand your place in the world. You will figure out details about yourself and move forward with a definite goal.

In my case, Am I a lost reindeer? I still don’t know where I am in the world, and definitely, I am not settled yet. My mind is full of possibilities… but each one isn’t really as easy as it looks like.

Then my worries about health and finances troubled me to no point. I spent sad days thinking about what ifs… I get ultimately stressed thinking about where to get the finances in healthcare and emergencies.

I am confronted by the fact that I am not getting any younger. My friends and peers are settling down, going to the conventional road of maturity and growing up, while I am still stuck in the moment of youth. I am brimming with the thought of still being in the early twenties… seriously, who am I kidding, I need to realign my priorities and lead to the conventional path too… but how? Pressured aren’t we?

These thoughts are disastrous ingredients to self-pity and self-doubt. Really, in no time, I was feeling so down, I just wanted to eat and eat, sleep and be drowned by misery while playing ultimate sad songs.

Then one day, It dawned on me. What the hell is wrong with me? Why am I making my life miserable by being a loony who thinks of things more than her understanding? It’s not right!

I woke up to a new day, I promised myself to leave all these worries behind in 2014. I am starting fresh. Unadultered. Unstoppable. Indestructible. I can make it. I have God, why worry?

2015 is a gift slowly opening before my thine self. I believe that every year is a lucky year because we still have a chance to outdo ourselves from the previous years. I believe that we have the ability to choose happiness than be swallowed by our own misery, in fact, deadly thoughts remain thoughts and those have not happened yet, so why entertain the thought when we DO NOT want it to happen?

I want to remain positive and see the color of life because I have a very limited time to do so. I only live once, and I am making sure, it won’t go unnoticed!

Cheers to AWESOME 2015!!