dear heart

What’s worse than being alone is the fact that you can never be with someone.

Not that you don’t want to but because your heart just have a mind of its own.

The thing that scares me most is not being able to experience love in a romantic fashion.

While I always believed in “guard your heart”, I fear that I may never really learn how to “unguard” it.

It is wonderful to fall in love, to gaze at someone with so much joy and believe in him completely.

What’s not to love about falling in love? You lose yourself in harmony with another person.

A guy once told me, I am in love with falling in love instead of falling for the person.

And sadly, I didn’t know what he meant.

I never once defended myself because I know who I was.

I just admitted that if he never understood me in a way deeper than what he thought of me, then that’s it.

There’s nothing there.

I guarded my heart with so much caution.

I promised my heart not to be involved with someone when I don’t mean involving myself COMPLETELY.

I kept my side of the bargain, I STILL DO.

As I look back, all the while that I’ve been keeping tabs with what I want, the barrier became higher and higher until I can no longer see what’s outside. Yes, I guarded my heart with so thick a fortress, no one can climb it.

My heart, I fear that It may never experience what it needs to.

I fear that as time goes by, it may never completely maximize its full potential, its ability to share its fullness and its ability to explore possibilities.

Indeed, my heart is something that is so precious.

And I’m praying that someday it opens itself with no hesitation, fear of rejection or accounts of pain and retribution…