friendship ver.2.0

I may be a bit of an overthinker that it stresses me out but this I have to say…

As I evaluate myself, I realized I do so much for people.

I care so much about what others would say, feel so much about their pains and think so much for their convenience--- at the expense of my own.

While I am taught to be considerate, I am also pushed to love myself more.

People who know me know that I do reach out.

I start conversations, I keep it burning by telling jokes. I am animated when I speak, I listen well to the point of being inquisitive. That’s just me.

As time goes by, I question myself. Does it make me a better person? Does it add to my value as a human person? Does it compel me to be real or am I just doing it to be liked and loved?

I am brought to a level of thinking whether my friends would still like me if I do not do so much for them. I am brought to a level of thinking where I seem to question, what it takes for me to be their friend.

I used to say that as long as I understand them, then I’d keep the friendship but sometimes, I just find myself suffocated. I find myself trying so hard to keep up.

Is friendship a one-side thing? I do not think it is. It will never be that.

So now, I’m claiming my stake.

I want to calm down, to stop trying and just take whatever I think is right. I won’t bow down to anyone anymore so they will accept me, rather, I will be the one accepting if I think I deserved it.

At 30, I want to call the shots!

True friendship is never always doing something for someone, it is a give and take process.