new waters

I’m thankful for this chance to be with my family for a longer time.

I have never been home this long for the last seven years and in those years of absence, so many things have changed. When I arrived, my youngest nephew asked Mama who I was.

Whaaaaat?! Seriously?

And within weeks, I found myself being followed everywhere by this lil munchkin. He’s always asking me whether I will sleep at their house with him. When I go to their house, he clings to me like a magnet does to metals. And seriously, it makes my heart swell with joy and love.

At home, my parents always ask me what I like to eat. They have been constant in nagging me to eat more to be healthy. Whaaaaat? What about my diet?

It makes me feel like I just went back to being high school again when I have been to different parts in the world and surpassed so many challenges alongside being alone in the overseas. It makes me laugh at times, because I have always deemed myself as a strong and independent woman but whenever I am home, I am just “Lovely”, my parents’ youngest daughter.

My sister on the other hand, makes me feel so young. I have always deemed myself “capable” … I stick to my own rules and make sound judgments, I make my own plans and execute them but to my sister, all my rules were nothing but unnecessary restrictions. It makes me laugh and frustrated at the same time, to depend my decisions over the mere issue of transportation. Why can’t I drive?

Being at home made me see so many sides of my family that I seem to underestimate.

Back in the overseas, I am the rock, the captain to my own ship while here at home, I am a constituent, a resident of bahay ni Kuya. I follow their rules. I compromise. I waver.

Ultimately, I have seen how my parents are growing old and how their worries about their old age seem to get the best of them sometimes. Growing up, I have always seen them invincible and now, the cracks are beginning to show due to time.

I realized that I need to start taking responsibility for my family. And by that comes the decision to challenge myself to come to greater heights so I can bring my family with me.

I am grateful that I have this chance. I am blessed to share this moment with less worries about myself because my goal for my family is bigger than myself.

As I stay in Davao, I have sort out the need to leap again. I have always been hesitant to trod new waters because I am leaving behind my beloved family but no matter what, they are always behind me and whatever path I choose is the path they are choosing for me. And for that, I am extremely grateful.