Reluctance

Funny how I used to care about so many people before.

I’d like to be on the loop, to be in the know. But now as a levelheaded 30-ish, I come into terms about what I can control and what I cannot.

I care less about other people’s opinions because I was never one to do things based on other people’s feelings. I care less about a person’s story because it is not my personal experience. You may say I am uninterested. Yes, I am deeply uninterested about other people’s affairs unless they want me to be a part of it.

I admit it gets scary sometimes because I feel like I am closing off.

I don’t like forcing things or undefined anything. I don’t like undefined relationships, undefined preferences, or undefined intentions, among others. If you like me, sure! That’s great, we could be friends. If you don’t, that’s okay, too.

I’d like to think that the more I stay in the moment, the more focused I am to achieve meaningful experiences. I have always thought of life as a fleeting gift that needs to be savored while on it. I don’t like having a celebratory moment and yet feeling anxious about the looming sadness that comes after. I want to BE in that moment and worry about what comes after when I am ON it.

So, with people if I am your friend, I am your friend till the end. Unless you chose not to be. Shots won’t be fired on my end. You did it.

With realizing that there are things I cannot control, I let go.

I don’t dwell on reluctant people. I choose those who are sure about choosing me.