prexypinoy to the world

YAYYYYYY! This is so surreal. I have been tensed since Sunday. The tension was severe that whenever I think about today, my hands and feet were cold in two seconds. No kidding. I know I am lacking in so many aspects. First, I learned later in life. Second, I barely drive. Third, this fear. And so, I’ve been making illustrations of traffic lights for me to remember. Come Monday, I was completely nervous. I reached out to friends, talked to coworkers, and asked for luck and importantly, prayers. At night, I did not want to burden myself with last-minute studying, so I just made myself busy doing my art. When I lay down in bed, I prayed continuously that I would be guided with wisdom. As I slept, I was going through simulations in my head. As a result, I barely slept. Come D-day, I was surprised to wake up calm. Calmer than ever. I made coffee and sat for a little while. I quickly scanned through my notes and proceeded to freshen up.  I did an hour of practice before the exam ...

“What will be, will be.”, says my coworker for whom I have confided how tensed I am. I have never been more nervous than tomorrow’s exam. I have done bigger exams like my IELTS or CELPIP which had a huge impact on my immigration status. But nothing compares to the thought that I am coming to an exam less of myself and more of an uncertain examinee. Although to be fair, I did employ an instructor and took six lessons, I still feel short of the skill. My instructor told me, “I have to be honest; you have a 50-50 chance of passing, do you still want to go?” Stubborn as I am, I told her, “Yes, I cannot delay it any further.” It’s bringing me back to my Freshmen years when one failure had defined my entire college and one opinion had me doubt the entirety of my capability. So, when someone says, “You are not ready” I don’t necessarily believe them. It’s like me proving to them that the mold they procure was nothing but empty shackles to me.  It may be plain stupidity or natural curi...