Nah nay

“Who are you?”, My bedridden grandmother asked when my mom showed my face to her through a video call.

Behest the pang of sadness, I said: “It’s Lovely, your most beautiful apo”. She said, “How’s your mother doing?”

To which I laughed and said, “Oh she’s the one holding the phone and visiting you today.” She apologized and said, “I am old I cannot remember much.”

Making the conversation light, I joked. “It’s fine, as long as you remain beautiful ”. She then told me things that broke my heart. She said, “Please call me all the time while I am still alive. I know I am being a burden to my children because I am sick and weak. I pray that God will take me soon, so I do not add any more burden than I already do.”

I maintained a cheerful face even though my heart got crushed into tiny million pieces. We bid our goodbyes, but her words were looping on my head. I mulled over life in general. I thought about how my grandmother had always been full of life when I was growing up. She loved beautiful things. She liked eating out. She liked simple and grand pleasures, all the same.

Seeing her now, weak and feeling desolate, I felt indescribable gloom and panic. I am shaken.

It is difficult to appear cheery when the reality and the gravity of the situation swallow the little hopes of wellness and quality of life that come with old age.