Engineer K

My younger cousin is now an Engineer!

I am elated for him. I knew he’d make it because he had the brains for it. As I pondered, I thought about his difficulties growing up. Here is a kid who might have been given everything during abundance but as soon as he reached the school age, their abundance has been depleted. So, there he was, trying to stay afloat. He was thrown out in the open truly unprepared. It was a series of bad decisions by adults and the kids had to bear the brunt of things. And when I think about that, it breaks my heart. 

What’s the worst that could happen to an unprepared kid? Having no support. So, I supported him in my own way. I let him know that I was on the sidelines, rooting for him. His situation may be far from ideal, but it is in these circumstances that he becomes stronger. Fast forward to 2024, and he’s passed the board!

I received a chat from him telling me he is grateful for everything that we have done for them (him and his older brother). He told me how he always felt like they were our little brothers. I was touched. It is exactly how I always viewed them. They may be just our cousins, but they’re close to my heart as I took care of them while I was a kid myself. The growing years flashed before me, and it always painted the close-knit bond I had with them.

As the youngest in my family, I wore my “ate” hat proudly and told him that I always believed in him. I may have said tough words to him, but those words were meant to push him in the right direction. With pure intent, I continuously encouraged him to avoid bad places and people who would hasten his ruin. I told him that hopefully, he got something out of the lessons and advice that we’ve given him. It was all for his own good.

As I wrote my message to him, I got a little emotional. I acknowledged that I could have done more. I could have given more. Although I was also a kid trying to find my place in the world, I always had the admiration, support, and love of my family. I wished I was that to him too.  I wished that my occasional “I love you” meant more to him than it is to me. Because really, without knowing that you are loved and supported in every way, how could you make anything possible?

I told him three things: First, from this point on, he would be in the driver's seat. Whatever direction he maneuvers the wheel, everything else goes in that direction. With that in mind, I wanted him to choose wisely. In life, mistakes are inevitable. It’s a win-win if we think of mistakes as lessons that we learn from. It’s plain stupidity if we make the same mistake hoping for another result.

Second, Disappointments are difficult to process. I know he knows that well, given the situation he grew up in. But what makes disappointments much harder is the ability of our minds to dwell on it. For example, I always envisioned myself as the boss. I make the call and stuff but sixteen years later, I am still doing entry-level jobs. Does that even make sense? Well, if I dwell on being disappointed, I’ll always think about my experience in a very 2-D way. But I am optimistic, it’s like playing football. I come from the lower division working my way towards Premier League and the FA Cup! I am on an entry-level job working towards various playing fields!

Lastly, “There’s no such thing as FREE lunch in this world”. This, I would say is a hard pill to swallow because we like free things. We never say no to a treat. But for the world to work, we do not always take, we give. It’s about symbiotic relationships. You do not bleed someone dry and be entitled to it. We will get refused, rejected, or said “NO” to, and it’s okay. Because as much as we expect freebies, we also get to pay in part or in full. We remain grateful. When we can, we pay it forward.  

Our conversation ended because I thought I was becoming too serious. Being too serious is boring. I wished him luck and let him know that I love him, no matter what. Hopefully, he feels loved and supported enough to make his dreams come true, like I did!

Congratulations Engr Ken!