Love you to the heavens

You never realize how much you’ll miss someone until you think about how they wouldn’t be there with you physically, ever.

It’s so easy to say that death is a part of life but when that happens, you couldn’t find any motivation for reason not to feel unsettled. Today, July 8 (Monday) at 7 am PST, I received an unsettling message from Papa that Nanay is gone.

I called Mama and she confirmed. I went ahead with my regular Monday meetings. Acted as if nothing MAJOR happened. But shortly after lunch, tears escaped me. I couldn’t shake off the emotion enveloping me.

The thing is, I thought I have prepared well enough to accept the inevitable. In my resolve, Nanay had led a good life.

In her hey days, she was an activist, an ironwoman, wise beyond her years. When I was 12, Nanay brought me to Butuan with her. From Butuan, we traveled to Bacolod via ferry. It was my first ferry ride ever. We then ended in Cebu. I have very fond memories of Nanay. My cousins would go green with envy, but I could confidently say I was one of the favorites.

Nanay is one of the smartest people I know. She had her ways. I can’t seem to find the term but if there’s a term for someone who’s street-smart coupled with mysterious… That’s her. She’s very sharp especially with finances. Nanay’s love for travels is what we got from her, though. She likes seeing new places, trying new eats. She has big appetite for chocolates, Jollibee and seafood. I could say she likes the finer things in life.

Nanay is also a very strong-willed woman. She once told me how she helped NPAs by taking them in and nursing them back to health. Her stories were in different spectrums. Undoubtedly, she had lived a very colorful life.

When she got bedridden earlier on, I still joke about how she couldn’t remember her most gorgeous apo (Of course, me!). She would smile at my harmless mischief. When she got ill, her smile faded. It broke my heart. Adding to the weight were problems and concerns about other things, things that have not made her last years easier.

Headstrong as she is, my Nanay held onto her dear life till the end. At this point, I can only marvel at her life’s journey. For such journey was intensified with her resilience, tenacity, endurance, and her positivity. My Nanay fought for her legacy, tooth and nail, and till the last of her breath, she did not succumb to the white light without giving a good fight.

I’ll forever miss you, Nay. Since young, you always looked at me with such beaming pride. You always introduced me with your proudest Grandma voice. In your eyes, I am someone who can conquer the world! Thanks for always believing in me, perhaps more than me believing in myself. I love you to the heavens!