prexypinoy to the world

 So I started a podcast. It’s an attempt to empty my mind of thoughts that consume most of my day. Before this, I had no experience speaking into a microphone with a modulated voice. I always felt my voice sounded too crisp for public speaking, let alone for recording. Still, I wanted to try something new and have a platform to share my thoughts, so I gave it a go. I love listening to podcasts. I get inspiration from the words and statements I hear. When Mel Robbins says, “Let them then, let me,” I pondered on it earnestly. Mel Robbins said there are two steps: First, let them. Let people have opinions about you, never clap, exclude, or ignore you. Let them because that’s who they are. Then the most important and probably the hardest step is to let me. Let me take the power to control my thoughts. Let me choose peace. Let me accept. Let me let go. Hearing this, I had a renewed sense of vitality. It gave me the power to own my story. Initially, I had planned to release an epis...

Two days after my parents left for the Philippines after a five-month visit, I got a text from a friend, “I’m meeting X’s friend.” It seems harmless and unsuspecting at first. I even laughed. I was not sure who X was, so I asked, Who’s X? And she replied, X, our friend. (Well, technically, X is my long-time friend from school whom I introduced to her.)      When she clarified what was happening, I felt unsettled. I realized that while others seem to move forward, I am the friend who stays the same. The force of this realization was overwhelming. If there is some metamorphosis to be had, I would have taken it gladly. But I didn’t. I was thrown back in time, where I just grew complacent. With my relationships, my behaviours, and my sense of happiness. The realization shook me. The question echoed in my mind: 'How do you take space?'  I wondered if it meant living boldly or shrinking to stay safe. I began to see that these choices defined how I interact with others...

Anxiety is a debilitating illness. It can take you from hero to zero in an instant. Unpacking its root causes has always been a challenge. A negative thought, a bizarre expression, or even a small comment can shift my mood. And when it does, sleep becomes elusive. I remind myself not to believe every thought I have. For example, when someone seems to be lying through their teeth, my mind spirals into the situation. I jump to conclusions and let my emotions steer my decisions. Understanding why I feel anxious has been difficult. Sometimes, the steps I take are drastic - like shutting people out. I’ve talked to friends about it. But when I do, I always downplay what I’m truly feeling. What sounds like a firm “I’m okay” often masks a long night spent battling my thoughts. How do you articulate what you’re really feeling when your mind is flooded with horrible possibilities? What calms me most is writing. Writing about why I feel what I feel. Writing even the deepest and most complica...

Today’s Morning Question: “What Are You Grateful For?” Every meeting I join starts with a curveball - some unexpected, often thought-provoking question. Today’s was: “What are you grateful for this morning?” One by one, we took turns. Someone shared, “I’m grateful for my partner and my dog - for their love, support, and the happiness they bring me.” I nodded instinctively and thought, “Of course!” But then, my mind (being its usual overthinking self) wandered off into deeper waters. What does it take to be happy? That question took me back to something I read online. A dad said he didn’t want to teach his kid to pursue happiness because - get this - it might ruin him. Naturally, my first reaction was: What the heck? Why?! Then I read further. He wasn’t against happiness itself. He just didn’t want his child to become obsessed with the idea that life is supposed to be happy all the time. Because it’s not. And believing that it is? That can be dangerous. And honestly, that hit...

March represents a lot of things to me. I’d like to break the cycle but maybe it’s part of my process. Once a year, I am challenged mentally. LOL Since I am here and since I am feeling this way – the birthday blues – I’d just take this chance to unpack my messy head. It is only in breaking down this overwhelming, interwoven, depressing, unpleasant thoughts occupying my time nowadays that I get to see the bigger picture, hopefully. First, of loneliness. The more I accommodate the thought, the more it gets stronger. My initial resolve is to move somewhere. Well, I am somewhere. So clearly, this isn’t a question of distance but of assimilation. Of getting myself out there. Of meeting people and knowing them – deeply, openly, and allowing them to also see me.   Second, of uncertainty. I’ve always wanted to have a family of my own. Thinking about ageing and being unhitched with no viable prospect plus your ovaries ticking… always weighed me down. Don’t get me wrong… it’s not tha...

"Live passionately."  That's the mantra from Glen Powell’s movie Hitman. It got me thinking—do I live passionately? Have I ever? Will I? Just how passionate are we talking here?  Let me set the scene: a few months ago, I found myself solo in New York City. With time to kill and an itch to scratch, what better place to indulge than the city that never sleeps?  In NYC, I met a roommate who was instantly likable. She was funny, laid-back, and had this go-getter vibe. She was super open about her dating life and even invited me to tag along. I was surprised—who does that? She encouraged me to try dating apps, given New York's diversity and all. I politely said that I would.   But me? Yeah, well. Never.  Later, I caught up with a friend who lives in New York. After eight years and a marriage later, she suggested I try the apps too. I smiled and again politely agreed to give it a try.  At that moment, I kind of thought Wait… Was this a sign? All these random...

You never realize how much you’ll miss someone until you think about how they wouldn’t be there with you physically, ever. It’s so easy to say that death is a part of life but when that happens, you couldn’t find any motivation for reason not to feel unsettled. Today, July 8 (Monday) at 7 am PST, I received an unsettling message from Papa that Nanay is gone. I called Mama and she confirmed. I went ahead with my regular Monday meetings. Acted as if nothing MAJOR happened. But shortly after lunch, tears escaped me. I couldn’t shake off the emotion enveloping me. The thing is, I thought I have prepared well enough to accept the inevitable. In my resolve, Nanay had led a good life. In her hey days, she was an activist, an ironwoman, wise beyond her years. When I was 12, Nanay brought me to Butuan with her. From Butuan, we traveled to Bacolod via ferry. It was my first ferry ride ever. We then ended in Cebu. I have very fond memories of Nanay. My cousins would go green with envy, bu...