reality bites

Real World…

Two words I often hear my classmates blabbering about during philo, theo or practicum time during my university years. And then came my inquisitive side, “so these people seriously think there is such a world as a fake world?”. They keep on insisting that in the real world, things are harsher, even miserable. problematic. Ah! very negative, ayt?

Speaking of this world, It is where I am rite now. So here I am constantly contemplating about the biggest issue of my life. (What else but lovelife? nyahaha.. kidding!) HAPPINESS!

On a more serious note, It’s not that, I am totally unhappy of how things are but given some options, i think I’d be happier. Boohoo. This is what they call discontentment I know, but can I be blamed for something I truly feel? I daresay not. It’s being real. Opening Myself.

Anyways, I don’t know what happened but I think some things are losing its luster. It’s boring me. I feel I’m better off with something more active, something more outdoor. Just like my so-called “personality”. I feel that the impact of what i used to like went beyond ground zero. Too bad. It’s scary.

Then here comes the real deal, something unexpected happened. It affected me so much that everyday seems to be a struggle. Because of it, I often caught myself thinking of possibiities, going out of my way, exploring options, getting away from the rat race. I’m getting tired. Is this how things are supposed to be? Nah! At twenty one, I think there’s more to my life.

But then, it’s been only, what, five months and I don’t know. Well maybe, it’s just that I’m still adjusting. Imagine, school has been too pampering. Too comfortable despite the killer sched. (And Yes! People are way hotter. Haha)

By the looks of it, I later realized, what the real world is all about. I may not have seen the whole of it, but I get to experience part and parcel of what it’s like.

Compared to schooling, I think it’s not as if we’ve never been lived the real world, I think it’s more of living the youthful side. There are concerns but these concerns are lighter than what’s in store after leaving school. Problems seem to be lighter ’cause, you know things will get better. And more importantly, your individuality is intact (as long as you choose it to be). Ahh!

So confused. I need to find my way back home. Amidst the superficiality and miseries of the real world, my heaven is somewhere in between. =)
(Perhaps, somewhere with U!)

(don’t ask me ’bout this. I can’t answer you. Can’t take even a question that’ll not lead to broader confusion)

lenggwahe de fruta

..nalilito, ang puso ko’y nabubugbog (?), ako nga ba’y minahal mo?..hindi makontak, ang layo, kailanma’y di ko nabihag ang iyong puso..

(In English,..so confused, my heart’s bruised, was I ever loved by you..out of reach, so far, i never had your heart..)

Para maiba, bakit di gamitin ang ating lenggwahe upang maiparamdam ang saloobin? ( handa na ang aking panyong ibinalabal ko na sa aking ilong, tumutulo na ang dugo, ngunit kakayanin kong
tapusin to..haha)

Pauwi na ako nang maramdaman kong kumukulo na ang aking sikmura. Gutom na gutom, imbes na dumiretso ng bahay, naisip kong pumunta sa *mol. Kumain ako sa isang *bilis-pagkain (fastfood), at pumwesto sa gitnang bahagi. “Ano ngayun kung nag iisa ako?” hiyaw ng isip ko. Nang makita ko ang pagkain, nilantakan ko na, wala ng pakialamanan, hindi ko naman ninakaw yun. Ngumunguya ako nang mapansin kong may pumwestong mala amerikanong binata sa aking harapan. Makisig, Maamo ang mukha. Mala-adonis ang tayo. Ang puso ko! Ako’y medyo napatanga (Syaks! tipo!) pero di ko pinahalata. Sumusulyap sulyap sya at ako nama’y patay-malisya. Mamaya na ako mahihiya, sayang ang *burger ko. Kaya yun, ganang gana.Tatapusin ko na muna ang pagkain at ng matutukan ko si Adonis pagkatapos.

Hanggang, Tumingin ulit sya, handa na akong makipagtinginan kung iyon ang gusto nya. Pinatatag ko ang aking kalooban, paminsan minsan lang naman ang ganito kong topak. Tumingin ulit sya sa bahagi ko, unti unting sumilay ang ngiti ang mga mata’y parang ngumingiti rin, napahawak ako sa aking dibdib, di ko na kakayanin. Hindi ko na napigilan at pinalasap ko na sa kanya ang pamatay kong ngiti sabay kirap ng aking mata. (buti nalang at malayo at nang di nya apansin ang aking muta)

Nang bigla kong napansin, lumalampas ang kanyang titig, ako nama’y napahinto at tumingin sa likuran, Ayun! may isang babae palang mala-birhen sa kagandahan, mala-dyesebel sa kaseksihan, nakatitig din sa mala- Amerikanong makisig na binata.
Hay, Ang puso ko! Hanggang kailan kaya ito madudurog? Hanggang saan ang kaya ko upang hindi gaanong umasa, di gaanong masaktan? Patuloy ang pag-inog ng mundo, patuloy ang buhay-pag ibig ng nakararami. Halos lahat. Pero ako, patuloy na umaasa. Umaasa noon, umaasa parin. Bakit nga kasi kay ilap ng totoong pag ibig? Bakit sadyang kay dalang ng tamang tao ngayong sa palagay ko’y ngayun na ang tamang panahon? Bakit kung sino yung gusto mo, sya pa’ng aayaw ayaw gayung may pinapahiwatig naman? Masasabi mo bang hindi ka talaga nya gusto at napipilitan lamang syang ipahiwatig sayo ang dapat sana’y dun sa taong totoong mahal nya?

Palagi kong sinasabing, darating din sya, ngunit paano kung, hindi ko na makayanang maghintay? Naisip ko, hindi naman ito problema. Sadyang ganito lang talaga ang tadhana para sa akin, ngunit hindi ba’t ako mismo ang gumagawa ng aking tadhana? Tukso, buska, pahaging, o kung anumang uri ng pagpaparamdam sayo na ikaw’y nag-iisa, siguro’y hindi ko pa naman naramdaman yun. E panu, tinatawanan ko lang. Masaya naman ako noh, hindi desperada, muntikan lang.

Pero siguro nga’y darating din ang tamang panahon. Yung alam kong handang handa na ako a maging siya. Ang hinihiling ko lang naman kasi ay… basta alam na ng Poon. Anu’t anupaman, hindi lang naman ako.

Siguro nga, hindi naman ito gaanong importante upang tuluyan akong maapektuhan. Ngunit naisip ko, mas mabuti ding mag isip ng mga ganito kaysa mag isip ng mga bagay bagay na may masamang epekto sa paghangad ko sa maliwanag na bukas.

Datapwat mas mabuti nga at may pag uusapan, kaysa naman wala talaga diba?

Ewan ko ba! basta! ang pag-ibig nga naman oo, nambubugbog ng puso..hahaha

romanceless

"So you read 'em?"


So here's the deal, why would I be ashamed of admitting that I read tagalog pocketbooks? I mean, if we only give it a chance, it's a great market. There's a lot of good tagalog pocketbook writers. Besides, isn't it being nationalistic? It's loving our own. Supporting something made and written in our native land. haha

Anyways, my friend (a very avid fan of stephenie meyer) babbles about twilight and all other three books, no offense meant, I've been meaning to read those 'cause it kinda interest me also but I don't like the feeling of being *seemingly bragged about. It iritates how you try to share what you read and then she barges in, with sparkling eyes, cutting me in my midsentence and you know..hmnn whatever!

But hey, I know this isn't right, if I have a problem with that then I should let her know and not express it in this good 'ol blog. Yeah yeah, im taking the blame.

Anyhow, let it be known that I'm suggesting that you try tagalog novels. It's pretty interesting although it's kinda weird to read the *love scenes* in bold tagalog language.haha. If it makes you feel better to skip that part, then you do it, but don't blame me if you missed the ultimate spice of reading a romantic tagalog pocketbook. *wink*


"Seriously, do you read 'em?"

"Well seriously, YES!"