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Dreams are subconscious thoughts that one is aiming to happen.

That’s what they say, could it be true?

Why, I dreamt of you last night, to my dismay.

It’s bizarre but very vivid…

***

I was in a trade fair attended by most of the people from school. I was the usual me, active and sunny. I was busy participating, getting through roles while having fun with my good old friends. I always have this thought that you will be attending but I never really expected you to be there.

I was in a room filled with busy people making something out from nothing. At one time, I had to go north to grab some stuff. I wore shorts that pretty much exposed my legs so I had to stop to put some cover on. I looked behind and there I saw you. I pretended to have not seen you and continued to go my way. As I reached and talked with the woman, I saw you coming forth towards me, again, I pretended not to care but my eyes were pointing back at you from time to time.

I hurried to avoid you but the woman held me back. You stopped and you said “Hi!” in your most appealing smile and cheerful eyes. In that moment, I felt my heart leapt and fell beyond its pattern. I wanted to say “hello” but I was too consumed by my bitterness, I gave you a smirk and head on to my destination.

In my mind, “how dare this guy to greet me as if nothing happened?” In that specific moment, I was fuming with bitterness that no one can console me but my self. I went straight back to the room but again, I saw you. You came near me but I avoided you like a plague. I wish I knew what to say to you so my heart will be drenched from all the pain. I wish I can let it all out, but I knew how pointless it was to discuss things with you.

While you were so alive talking with your friends and taking shots out from your new camera, I pretended to be as equally happy as you are. I was told how things have changed but I was still the same energetic me. If they only knew…

***

The alarm spared me from going through it all. I rode in the MRT to work and still my mind was consumed by you. It’s been years, you should’ve left my mind by today but how come, you still occupy me?

I don’t know how intense the feeling is, all I know is that I wished I never met you. I wished that whenever our paths cross again, I will be a whole me, free from bitterness. It’s illogical to continue hurting. It’s funny how I react so gravely about you when there was never a definite connection.

Maybe, this is me in my most undesirable state. Maybe this is me in frustration. Maybe this is me today… but I know, I’ll get over you someday.

As for a dream, it may be a subconscious part of a person’s brain, but I definitely hope, if it comes true, it will be in a friendlier way. No bitterness, no pain, no amount of sadness and no deadma show!