twentysexyseven

When you’re 21, it feels like you’ve just been freed from boundaries, gates and fences. You wanna do everything your mind can conceive. You have the energy, the youthful vibe, you go with the tide, you can surf, you can leap. You want to explore, to get things done, to join the crowd, to hype. 21 is to liberate.

I did that when I was 21. I had late nights spent in coffee shops and vacation leaves spent on whimsical trips here and there. No bills, no rents, no groceries, just a taste of freedom from someone who earned her money just after college.

At 24, after mustering the courage to close my eyes and jump off a cliff, I went away from home. I am not usually the type who goes for something as heavy as deciding to leave home- my family who meant more to me than anything. But I thought, if I wouldn’t do it at 24, I would never have the guts to do it any later. I thought I am at the stage of my life wherein I can shoot for the stars and land on a tree; climb the mountain and if I shall fall, I still have a harness attached onto me. There was nothing to lose. I can always go back and home can take me anytime.

At 25, things are slowly sinking in. I have to pay rent, bills, worry about what to cook, when to do the groceries, those things that you are very much accustomed to, only that, it’s you mom who does those things. Career-wise, you are doing okay. Not halfway through the corporate ladder but experienced to be a little knowledgeable at things. You learn a little bit of everything. You slowly grow in a deeper understanding that life is never a give away, and all that you have, is most definitely what you earned from praying earnestly, working hard, being patient and staying strong despite the odds.

At 26, you begin to wonder why time is so fast. You can only remember the day you turned 24 and a birthday after comes, you’re already 26! You do the things you never did in your early twenties. As for me, I never did bar hopping, bottoms up, girls’ night etc. earlier on, so I found myself redeeming at 26. Call me late bloomer but it’s never too late actually. A bit delayed, deferred but nevertheless, still in the stage to party!

At 27, the changes are imminent. Metabolism seems to be a thing of the past and the next thing you know, your nose is getting bigger, your face is getting rounder, the waist never changes into smaller size but most probably, doubles. Your worries atop one after another. You look back and see how far you’ve come. You begin to wonder if you’ve saved enough to go through availing housings and solid assets. Have I? Plus the pressure people are putting you through just because you’re single and UNATTACHED. It was never an issue to me, my being single is a choice. Unabashedly I don’t give a single care in the world because I know myself better than anyone else. But really, as time is changing, so are my ideals. I also long for something everlasting. Ehem.

The future scares me. But I know I am not the only one. The thing is, the more I lived independently, the more I am convinced that fear is something that eats you out alive, and the way to overcome it is either to forget it or engage yourself into those fears. You strike before it struck you.

At 27, as dumb as it may sound, I still don’t have the clear picture of the “what I want to be” or “what I want to do”. I know I have a destination but I don’t know where is. In a race between horses, cows and rats, I remain to be the rat. Small and can instantly be overridden. But even so, the guts of a rat can never be taken away from her. Although I am vulnerable, I am certain that I have an idea of “who I am” and “who I will be”. That for me is enough. For now.

I am grateful that I have reached this point in my life wherein I can say that I have lived. I was able to chase my dreams, some came true and others, still pending. But I am not losing hope. I am blessed enough to share this lifetime with the people who love me and who I love in return. I appreciate that I am given chances to explore and improve, to see the world beyond my dreams. At 27, I have arrived to be the person I will be. 

futre self

To the FUTURE SELF,

After 10 years, what have you become?

Perhaps, you’ve achieved your greatest dream—a happy and healthy family of your own.

How many kids have you got? 4? As per your old preference? I hope so. How’s your cool parents? Your ever stage sister? Hope they are all good.

What am I supposed to write? Of course, it’s best to run down the memory lane…

10 years ago, you were the enthusiastic, adventurous and giddy girl. I can remember the spark in your eyes, the mischievous glitter when we talk about something that interests you. People loved talking to you as you are animated, bold and funny. You look formal on the outside but when people know you more or even as night falls and you’re with your gang; your laughter echoes the room. How green can a green joke be? How naughty can your imagination go? It’s you who remembers better.

Most of the time, you were calm and contained. You don’t get mad easily but when you do, you couldn’t sleep without sharing your thoughts to the person who made you feel that way. You were not really into fights but when provoked; your thoughts are as lethal as a hounding dog. You do acknowledge feeling blue, you do know how lonely life can be but you always look at the brighter side of things. You’ve been single for so long, you longed for someone that suits your personality. The good thing about you is that, you knew your value. You don’t just settle for anyone, even if he offers you more than what you can buy.  I remembered you to be like that.

Who captured your heart? Is it someone I know? Someone from the past? OHMY!! I remembered you shared that “what is life without someone you love?” CORNY!! Seriously? But it’s always nice to have such mushy conversations with you, we’d bash young, overly attached couples and questioned if they last. (sus, magbulag ra japun mo! Haha) Remember? You once shared that “life is truly meaningless if you don’t get who you want ( wow naman!)  but you also contested that if it’s that the case, then there is a good reason for it.”  Fate? Destiny? (andito na naman tayo) Now I am asking you, among the guys that you’ve had your eyes on back then, did your paths met again? Did fate bring you together this time? Hmnnn…

What makes you busy these days? Did you finally set up your dream shop? (car shop? Hardware? What is it again?) Or did you open a Rice store? How many pigs have your got in you pig pen? Farming? Did you go for the karinderia? Or perhaps, did you finish Law school? Earned your masters? I hope that whatever you do now, is what you really wanted to do for long. You told me, Life is too short to live miserably by doing routine jobs out of paying the bills. I couldn’t agree more.

How about your travels? Have you travelled to the USA? Europe? Had your honeymoon in Paris? I admired how you save up for your trips back then. While others are saving up for a Gucci, Prada or Vuitton, you’re there, not saying anything about saving up for Japan. You are mysterious that way. I remembered your stories about Japan, how your eyes lit up whenever we talk about your funny experiences there. So full of life. I missed talking to you.

Did you meet a lot of people? Have you expanded your horizons? You know you got the interpersonal thingy but you just are too lazy to reach out. Have you changed? I hope you did. You will inspire a lot of people if you only learn to open up. You used to tell me that if you like a person, you really like him or her, if not, then you really do not. But what I wanted to say back then was, aren’t there second chances? Aren’t a person worth the getting-to-know-you stage for just say, benefit of the doubt? Sometimes, the candy is not as sweet as it looks. You know that by now, don’t you?

I loved you as you are my one true friend and love you even though distance separated us. You always give me the reason to smile whenever I am blue. Your antics are hilarious and you’re not afraid to look stupid even if you sometimes are. HAHA. Peace out. I still remember my gregarious friend, just light and easy. I hope you haven’t changed to a monster you said you are slowly becoming. (papangit ka nun) It’s not good. I hope to see the same feeling-HS-girl in you.

10 years have gone by, time is indeed so fast. When you look back, I hope you looked back with a full heart. A life of no, if not, less regrets. I hope as you go through life, you will always remember the fun memories we made together. Those memories fuel up life as it should be. I’m telling you, I lived for those memories, I can never bring back those fun and sad times, but experiencing it one time is more than enough to last me a lifetime. I’m glad I’ve known you.

As we go through life, may the zest and bliss we feel expand to inspire others as well. Who says, we’re too old for dreams? I do know you’ve got so many dreams pending for coming true, I hope they do, one day.  We don’t give up, do we? We chase our dreams countless of times and when it does not fall into place, we just let it run through the limbo to give space for new dreams. We recycle dreams. We just don’t surrender just like that. We are fighters that way.

Finally, I hope to bump into you one day and realize how gorgeous you are, not by the fancy clothes you wear or the makeup you finally applied ( I know you aren’t the makeup type), not by the vanity of a sophisticated 30 something but the glow of a happy, fulfilled and wonderful woman.

P.S. meet me when you finally made your first million, if you already did, then let’s have drinks sometime, of course, it’s on you! J

Love,

Your OLD SELF.

MH370

How can a huge plane vanish just like that?

Many speculations have been surrounding the mysterious disappearance of Malaysian Airlines flight MH370. It’s just so unimaginable that this could happen.

Coming fresh from watching Nonstop by Liam Neeson where he played as the Air Marshall and that there were 2 hijackers on the plane, I cannot rule out the possibility of terrorism in this incident. 2 of the said 227 passengers had been using stolen EU passports!

Just like the movie, it could be that these 2 passengers planned the hijack. Guess you can say, I am watching a lot of these movies, but really, it’s just so unbelievable. It appears that under the flight monitor, the plane could be seen but less than midway to Beijing; the tracker was lost and totally went off from the monitor. How can that be?

I have read that the tracker can be switched off from the cockpit, if that’s the case, then we cannot rule out the possibility that someone intentionally switched it off for his gain. The pilot, according to the news, is an aeronautical junkie, he had a flight simulator set up on his home and being a pilot was his dream. His passion for flying makes me wonder if he is a suspect, but I bet not.

Seriously, I felt the chill when I learned about this mishap. I was fresh from my trip that took about 7 hours from KL. I was there in that same airport and perhaps, walked in the same terminal as that of MH370. I couldn’t dare think that at that precise moment, I will hear this kind of news. It’s just so scary.

Adding to the eerie feeling is the fact that the missing passengers’ phones can be called and rang, yet remain unanswered. Can it not be traced even if unanswered or should it be answered first? Among the 239 people, there might be someone who has turned on his/her GPS!

My heart goes out for the families of the passengers and crews. I feel sorry for the infants L. If it has been submerged in the water as the plane crashed, debris should have been found by now, after almost 10 countries sending in surveillance planes, boats and submarines to check on the plane’s last known location.

We do not know what truth lies in this twist of fate but I am hoping against hope that everyone is safe. I still believe that they are safe. And if it is indeed a hijacking incident, I hope that the hijackers would think about their families. The world is so much better to live in, if we uphold peace and love. No more wars and chaos.

With news about disasters and unimaginable natural calamities, I think it is not the time to push terroristic ideas. As nature is slowly cleansing the earth, may we also cleanse our selves.

 #prayforMH370

Ja-FUN

My Goodness!!

Haven’t written anything here for the last 2, 3 months?

Anyway, I just came back from the oh so lovely Japan!

Did I mention, I did all the preps for a year?

I had gone through the worst of times but I held on because of Japan, in a way, it made me a stronger person. It helped me pull myself back together during those times that I felt so lost and very empty.

Drama aside, Japan has been… one word, and in wide eyes, WOW! I have never been to a more picturesque place in my entire life. It’s like going to a different world, where modern meets the old and where the eyes can see beyond the realm of time and space.

Am I overrating Japan? Maybe. But I love how I was able to see the different sides. I went to the ultra modern Tokyo, where toilet seats are of heaters, then I went to Kyoto, where everything turned 360 and I saw the good old temples, I headed to Osaka, where I felt home. A hybrid of the city and rural life. I went to Kobe and appreciated the calmness, the interesting mix of western and Japanese architecture. I went to Nagoya, where I just felt too cold and saw so many lights. I went to Mishima and I love the serenity.

But I will not deny that my Japan trip has been the MOST stressful trip of my life. I was carrying the whole of my closet, how heavy can winter clothes be? VERY. I transferred from one hotel to another, went down the subway, JR Line in a hurried fashion. And my golly, I climbed the stairs and went down carrying my 16 KGS luggage with me. Where the hell was the elevator when you needed one?

I love the mix of the youth and oldie-but-goodies. I observed fashion-forward girls in Harajuku, I crossed Shibuya crossing several times to know how it feels like crossing the literal “X” pedestrian. I window shopped in Omotesando Hills, and marvel at how expensive things are over there. I looked around stuff in Akihabara, in the hope of buying a gadget, who was I kidding? (I have just enough money on the budget haha) I strolled Ginza, feeling like a high profile superstar from the Philippines. I mimicked girls in Shinjuku, trying my best to wear my most favourite OOTD.

I forgot diet and my ballooning weight, I can take care of that later on, I ate a lot of Ramen. I definitely spent most of my baon on Sukiyaki and Yakiniku. Despite how expensive the food is, I can say that it was worth every penny. I never really asked for Western food in Japan, when mostly, I do so in the countries that I have been to so far. (not so many though)

 I like how they take “considerate” and “conscious” along with “courtesy” seriously. When you take the trains and you decipher why everyone seems to be so silent, and if they shall speak, they almost definitely whispered, you’d be in awe. Spoken with a Japanese and she said that talking on mobile phones inside an MRT is not really prohibited, but it is a conscious effort not to do so with respect to other passengers.

The funny part of my trip is that when I was in Kyoto. I spent a night sleepless as I was very nervous. Can you imagine someone knocking in your hotel door and trying to turn the knob, not once but 4 times in the span of dawn to morning? At 2 AM, I heard the knocking. We tried to see who it was and we found a man dressed in white then he went away. At 4 AM, I heard loud thudding; I woke up to see what it was, and found that there was a man in black, trying to open the door. I panicked. We tried to call the hotel staff. He went and he saw no one. Around 4:40 Am, the same guy knocked and disturbingly turned the knob. I was at the door trying to push back, he went away. That was when we put a chair by the door to secure it locked from the inside. I was so scared. I did not sleep, even an inch of a second. At 6 AM, the knocking and the turning of the knob went on again, there were a group of guys trying to open it. And they mumbled something like they have a key for the room. And we thought, how could it be? Checkout is at 11 AM, did they give them the duplicate key? Later, we checked our own key… it was not in the bag, it dawned upon us, the key was forgotten in the key hole and maybe the 4 instances of knocking, they were trying to tell us that we left it. Walang gamot sa katangahan. I never slept for a night just because of being tanga.

Anyway, the weather was super cold, I had my hands all dried up and later, wounded. I felt like I was in the giant freezer. In this trip, I planned to “waldorfize” myself but I ended up like a chicken standing in a corner every now and then, to cuddle myself and stop myself from freezing. It was a memory I sure would treasure as time goes by.

My aunt told me back when I was younger, in Japan, you can see sports cars, apple tree, orange tree and in Disneyland, you are like a princess trapped in their books. And seriously, those words have been etched in my young mind. And when I finally stepped into the land of the rising sun, I almost immediately want to know if those words were true. Yes, I saw shiny sports cars. I took numerous shots of the orange tree. Too bad, I haven’t seen the apple tree and yes, I felt like a princess trapped in the Disney book when I went to the Disney sea. Truly, I was happy I was able to experience my Japan adventure.

You know you’ve aged when you slowly learned the answers to some of your questions. You know you’ve grown when you still are fazed with your imaginations. You know time has changed when you finally managed to make some of your dreams come true. In Japan, I did mine! J