twentysexyseven

When you’re 21, it feels like you’ve just been freed from boundaries, gates and fences. You wanna do everything your mind can conceive. You have the energy, the youthful vibe, you go with the tide, you can surf, you can leap. You want to explore, to get things done, to join the crowd, to hype. 21 is to liberate.

I did that when I was 21. I had late nights spent in coffee shops and vacation leaves spent on whimsical trips here and there. No bills, no rents, no groceries, just a taste of freedom from someone who earned her money just after college.

At 24, after mustering the courage to close my eyes and jump off a cliff, I went away from home. I am not usually the type who goes for something as heavy as deciding to leave home- my family who meant more to me than anything. But I thought, if I wouldn’t do it at 24, I would never have the guts to do it any later. I thought I am at the stage of my life wherein I can shoot for the stars and land on a tree; climb the mountain and if I shall fall, I still have a harness attached onto me. There was nothing to lose. I can always go back and home can take me anytime.

At 25, things are slowly sinking in. I have to pay rent, bills, worry about what to cook, when to do the groceries, those things that you are very much accustomed to, only that, it’s you mom who does those things. Career-wise, you are doing okay. Not halfway through the corporate ladder but experienced to be a little knowledgeable at things. You learn a little bit of everything. You slowly grow in a deeper understanding that life is never a give away, and all that you have, is most definitely what you earned from praying earnestly, working hard, being patient and staying strong despite the odds.

At 26, you begin to wonder why time is so fast. You can only remember the day you turned 24 and a birthday after comes, you’re already 26! You do the things you never did in your early twenties. As for me, I never did bar hopping, bottoms up, girls’ night etc. earlier on, so I found myself redeeming at 26. Call me late bloomer but it’s never too late actually. A bit delayed, deferred but nevertheless, still in the stage to party!

At 27, the changes are imminent. Metabolism seems to be a thing of the past and the next thing you know, your nose is getting bigger, your face is getting rounder, the waist never changes into smaller size but most probably, doubles. Your worries atop one after another. You look back and see how far you’ve come. You begin to wonder if you’ve saved enough to go through availing housings and solid assets. Have I? Plus the pressure people are putting you through just because you’re single and UNATTACHED. It was never an issue to me, my being single is a choice. Unabashedly I don’t give a single care in the world because I know myself better than anyone else. But really, as time is changing, so are my ideals. I also long for something everlasting. Ehem.

The future scares me. But I know I am not the only one. The thing is, the more I lived independently, the more I am convinced that fear is something that eats you out alive, and the way to overcome it is either to forget it or engage yourself into those fears. You strike before it struck you.

At 27, as dumb as it may sound, I still don’t have the clear picture of the “what I want to be” or “what I want to do”. I know I have a destination but I don’t know where is. In a race between horses, cows and rats, I remain to be the rat. Small and can instantly be overridden. But even so, the guts of a rat can never be taken away from her. Although I am vulnerable, I am certain that I have an idea of “who I am” and “who I will be”. That for me is enough. For now.

I am grateful that I have reached this point in my life wherein I can say that I have lived. I was able to chase my dreams, some came true and others, still pending. But I am not losing hope. I am blessed enough to share this lifetime with the people who love me and who I love in return. I appreciate that I am given chances to explore and improve, to see the world beyond my dreams. At 27, I have arrived to be the person I will be.