wobbly
Fearless.
I could be crazy for thinking about jumping without
a harness again.
So I told my closest friends about my plan to just
quit my job and look for another one. The idea is simple as waiting to be hired
first by another company before I submit my resignation letter, no problem. But
here’s the thing, I could no longer wait.
I feel as though I’ve waited long enough to finally
reach my decision of bailing out from this company. Believe me, it is never
easy. Coming up to this decision is something that I avoided so many times and
even brought me to the point of depression.
I am a sentimentalist. I value memories, I value
friendship, I value time that I spent keeping up with something/ someone. A
shirt for example, would mean so much to me, for various reasons such as it was
given to me when I was 12, it was the first shirt that I received after
graduation, the day that it was given was the first day of my menstruation… the
list goes on, every minute detail, I remember it. I am that. I take so many
memories out of an ordinary thing so when someone tells me to dispose it, I
really do not have the heart to give it away.
This job, is my first here in Singapore
But really, for some major reason, I’ve been
dissuaded to continue. I just feel like I am too rushed, too pumped up, too
pressured and if this shall go on, I’m going to explode. I hate to think about
it but I am nearing the peak.
Practicality demands for me to stay but what if
happiness becomes at stake? You know that moment when money becomes the reason
to persevere, it makes me live but makes me miserable as well. For what good is
keeping up something when it doesn’t make you feel alive? For what good is
enduring when you know you’re never going anywhere?
For now, I certainly feel like it is the best time
for me to move forward. I know it’s impractical, irrational, irresponsible or
perhaps, suicidal, but really, what’s there to fear when I have overcome so
many already?
2014 is a year to be fearless. I’ve been through a
lot of dramas in the past; I’ve always been on my toes,
gearing up the battle head on, and yes, almost
always lonesome. No matter how wobbly my knees or how cold my palms are, or how
my mind killed me so deeply that I always succumb to feeling helpless, I always
get on my feet, standing my ground, showing as though no one will scare the
hell lot of me. I am strong at least I believe I am. Now, it’s showtime!
Comments