thought bubble

It was one windy night, I was in our village and we saw each other sa kanto, ana daw ko, “o asa ta mukaon?”
Then they have varied replies. Ana ko “ok sige sa lachi’s rako, feel nko mukaon og cake”. They all went to the opposite direction and I went on my way to lachi’s which is adjacent lang. Naisip nako, I should’ve brought a bike.

I went inside and I saw myself in the glass mirror, my goodness! I forgot to change into something more presentable. I was wearing my loose boxers and my underwear garter is coming out. My shirt looks rubbish and I was wearing a hat. I saw familiar faces but I never said Hi because I looked really horrible.

When I went inside, it was like a big patio and the one serving me was coincidentally my former grade school teacher. I asked for Yummy choco torte but she told me it was out of stock. I asked her “naa lage ka mam? Diba Bahrain naman ka?” she replied, “nah gipalitan gain ko ni mama ticket pabalik, dili ko ganahan na mubalik” so I asked her “kay ngano man?” she just laughed and said “ok naman ko diri” so I just bid goodbye and told her  “see you around”

While on my way out, the familiar faces I saw on my way in, smiled at me. I smiled back and hurried my way out. My gosh! It is so dark, I am so afraid to walk home alone.

KRRRRRRRRRRRINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

My alarm woke me up. I was In the state of puzzlement. Of all dreams, why would it be the one that I am afraid?
So on my way to work I formed three concepts:

1)     am I the same girl I used to be? I’ve lived and travelled miles and miles away from home. Left the things and people that I am most comfortable with. Yet, Am I still afraid? Afraid of what? The dark? The uncertain? The unknown? The humiliation?
2)     Is it true that I lack confidence? (my sister told me that the problem with me lies in the fact that I am doubtful about my abilities. She told me that I am not confident enough to get to where I am that’s why I am stuck in the moment) Really?
3)     Am I really anti-social? Seriously? I wouldn’t mind if I eat alone or do things on my own, I am much more effective that way but going different to prove a point, do I prove any? I always thought I am unique but my uniqueness can be a huge weirdo factor. Why not join the crowd? Do I have trust issues?

These thoughts are like bubbles of clouds hanging over my head. I am in the process of synthesizing these concepts. Am I not what I thought I am? Am I becoming a person who I want to be?


Ugh. 

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