retreat

Stress!

When you aim more control over most aspects in your life, it gives you this palpable feeling of being worn out.

Decisions… how hard can it be? Absolutely difficult.

At this point in time, I will be turning a year older, more pressured than ever to think about my future. Where to go? What to do? Who to be with? At 29, what do I want to achieve in life?

Call it birthday blues, but really, I feel like a balloon suspended in thin air.

Loneliness is creeping through me. Relationships… well, it's good while it lasts.

Friends--- they all come and go.

I feel like a luxurious ship with no direction, and quite frankly it's getting boring.

I crave zest. I crave energy. I crave fullness and inner strength that comes from within,

For the longest time, I've been building myself to be strong and independent but it gets tiring.

To remain standing despite the blows, to dodge a bullet by an inch, to continue fighting-- win or lose… it gets the better of me.

These thoughts adding to my urgent concern of moving out, planning for a scheduled long haul trip, leaving of a friend, growing apart from someone --- all at once, wears down my guards.

Should I just retreat myself?