prexypinoy to the world

The thing is, the more you think about it, the deeper the cut becomes. I’m trying to handle my situation as coolly as possible but no rationality can shield me from the fact that this is not a nightmare and that, I’d wake up tomorrow remembering the hurt first thing in the morning. I am deeply affected that I find myself stopping in the middle of my random conversations with friends. I am way too distracted that I become bitter of what I see. Betrayal is one thing. Lack of remorse is another. My poor heart. I've never been too emotional about most aspects of my life as I do not want to live in drama. This is real and my emotions are just as real. I couldn't hide the fact that i am a total wreck and that no matter what i do, what i say, my mood just swings from good to worst in no time. I am not okay. If this is what bipolarity seems like then, i am feeling it nowadays. I'm trying so hard to control my rage. I want to take revenge, to avenge someone and to let som...

5:55 AM, Sunday, November 6, 2016 thank God it’s still a Sunday! The night has been so long and I’ve had no choice but to pretend I’m sleeping, closing my eyes, counting sheep endlessly, I’ve done it but reality is that my mind is far from it. Could this be the iced cappuccino decaf? Or could this be just me affected by the drama that has been going on my life for days now? I sighed to myself. No matter how many times I deny, at this age, I still can’t fake anxiety or depression. And worst, I thought I am better at handling things, turns out, I’m blinded and was just good at avoiding it. These days, I always find myself in long pauses, distant stares and zoning out. I feel that my body is there but my mind is off to somewhere. And believe me when I say that even feeling so down makes me crack up to a painful experience as if it’s a joke. Weird huh? I guess when you hit a point whereby you’ve no control over and just take no matter what life gives you, yo...

Loading successful… Anger is so intense an emotion that I so thoroughly avoid. One, it’s not good for my heart, two, it’s unhealthy for my skin and lastly, it’s a mouse trap. You get angry for what? I was brought up happy. I had good memories more than the bad. I am blessed. I keep a positive attitude towards life, I keep cool no matter what season I am in. But the more I age, the more challenges I am faced with. Challenges that keep me from maintaining my cool, challenges that provoke the dragon in me. I RARELY get angry. I don’t mind irregularities much or make an issue out of small ones. I let go. I let time decide. I go on with life. But don’t get me wrong, I never said I am a Saint. When I get angry, I tend to go all out. My mind is so powerful, I can conjure horrible ideas. It scares me. It surprises me in ways I never would have imagined. Recently, I got a run-in with a past issue that involves a turning point in my life. (I’m not going to be...