bottled it up

5:55 AM, Sunday, November 6, 2016

thank God it’s still a Sunday!

The night has been so long and I’ve had no choice but to pretend I’m sleeping, closing my eyes, counting sheep endlessly, I’ve done it but reality is that my mind is far from it.

Could this be the iced cappuccino decaf? Or could this be just me affected by the drama that has been going on my life for days now?

I sighed to myself.

No matter how many times I deny, at this age, I still can’t fake anxiety or depression.

And worst, I thought I am better at handling things, turns out, I’m blinded and was just good at avoiding it.

These days, I always find myself in long pauses, distant stares and zoning out. I feel that my body is there but my mind is off to somewhere. And believe me when I say that even feeling so down makes me crack up to a painful experience as if it’s a joke. Weird huh?

I guess when you hit a point whereby you’ve no control over and just take no matter what life gives you, you’ll be deeply overwhelmed by it. You develop a certain numbness.

I’m speaking from a point where drama has not been my cup of tea.

I talked to a friend last night and she told me that being brave is accepting that you are weak sometimes.

I agreed.

For the most part, we are challenged just so we know how long can we stand. We are tested just so we know how far we can go.

6:20 AM, Sunday, November 6, 2016

-->

I bottled in my thoughts and I wish I can say more.