rarely

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Anger is so intense an emotion that I so thoroughly avoid.

One, it’s not good for my heart, two, it’s unhealthy for my skin and lastly, it’s a mouse trap.

You get angry for what?

I was brought up happy. I had good memories more than the bad. I am blessed.

I keep a positive attitude towards life, I keep cool no matter what season I am in.

But the more I age, the more challenges I am faced with.

Challenges that keep me from maintaining my cool, challenges that provoke the dragon in me.

I RARELY get angry. I don’t mind irregularities much or make an issue out of small ones.

I let go. I let time decide. I go on with life.

But don’t get me wrong, I never said I am a Saint. When I get angry, I tend to go all out.

My mind is so powerful, I can conjure horrible ideas. It scares me. It surprises me in ways I never would have imagined.

Recently, I got a run-in with a past issue that involves a turning point in my life. (I’m not going to be so specific as it still hurts me.) I went ballistic. I wanted to go all out with that damn war. Forget my name, my education, everything that I strive to be… it’s all about making a person pay for hurting someone who means so much to me and more.

I was ready to take the blows but was more than ready to make the hits!

My mind just closed up to the fact that I always take the blow without throwing some and it angers me. Why would I allow people to step on me over and over again when I can do something about it?

Why would I put myself defenceless every freaking time? Why can’t I for once bring the battle on and fight it eye to eye?

When you try so hard to be the best version of yourself, it brings you to a limbo, a limbo whereby you doubt if you’re capable of defending yourself or if you’re ready to take the fall as long as you throw some deep punches as well.

I grew frustrated in knowing that even at this day and age, technology still  got its limits and that involves not being able to be used the way you want it to, offensively.

To be honest, I am still boiling at the moment but someone important to me told me to let it go.

I told her, I will definitely try my best but I cannot promise. I’ll try.

I RARELY get angry, but when I do, everything never makes sense.

It’s not as if I wanted it to be like this but I can’t bring myself down to that level of calmness. Not yet. Not sooner.                                                                                                                                                                                                   

Especially if it is a repeat offender. My tolerance level can be extended for a long time.

I can be uber patient but sure, it’s got its limits and yes, I’ve reached that limit already.

I RARELY get angry but it lasts. I RARELY get angry but I take account.

Again, it’s not as if I designed it to be but I just can’t fake myself to be okay when clearly, I am lying to myself.

I RARELY get angry but this RARITY is what makes it more difficult.

Forgiveness is a long way…