confexxions

Dear other self,

I have browsed my “ON THIS DAY” page today and there’s this one post to my timeline that struck me like a bullet.

Yeah, you could’ve guessed it. Easy.

I felt a bit overwhelmed and I kinda feel the longing? The sadness? Just the melancholy that crept my heart. I know, I have no right to feel those, but I am being honest to say about how I feel, is that so wrong?

I did not dare check his profile but I did see a glimpse of his profile video.

He looked so happy, contented and excited.

Obviously far from the angry, dissatisfied and indifferent guy that I once knew.

Today for the first time in years, I wanted to add him back as a friend.

Perhaps for old time’s sake?

But who am I kidding? I am really not the type and I don’t trust myself either as I am into

The emo side these days.

Alright, I have to concede that seven years ago, I really wanted to meet him.

One time I rode the MRT and thought that I saw him. Among the million people in Manila, I saw him!

I almost jumped out of the MRT when he alighted, to chase him as if to confirm if it was indeed him.

But I was thinking, I was seated just across him. He would’ve seen me and it would be impossible for him to ignore me just like that. I know him better than that.

Then a year ago, when I came home, my good friend told me that he was home too.

I don’t know, I suddenly felt my hands clammy and cold-wet. If we saw each other, it would be the first time in a decade? How would I react?

But then again, I don’t trust myself.

I hate looking pathetic!

I believe that the most effective way to completely forget and let go is not seeing that someone forever. Or at least not yet when I’m still unattached? Haha. I don’t know. It isn’t right.

To say that I am happy for him and the life that he’s living now is the truth.

I mean, there’s no taste of bitterness in my mouth in knowing that he finally was able to live happily.

Back then, I knew quite a bit of his pains and I wouldn’t wish anything bad for him.

For myself though, I think I am overreacting.

Or was this the “first love never dies” kind of thing?

I don’t know.

Other times, I am completely done with these lingering feeling.

But in some days, it is very vivid, like a giant just woken up from its sleep.

My other self, I pray for your happiness.

Girl, There’s nothing I’d wish for you but for your love to blossom in God’s most amazing time.

Perfectly. Candidly. Warmly.

Believe.