confessions of a semi-insomniac

1131pm

He’s very nocturnal, I see. But I know I’m gonna regret the next morning.

I bid him good bye as I need to sleep.

He replied four consecutive messages, I wanted to ignore and just reply the next morning, but I’m too curious what he wanted to say. I read, he said, goodnight and sweet dreams and two other texts basically mean the same thing.

I couldn’t resist to reply, sweet dreams as well.

He messaged again, I managed to ignore.

I’ll read the next morning, alright?

1145pm

My heart is beating so fast.

I shut my eyes tight but I can’t seem to shut my mind.

For some reason, something is bothering me.

I went to pee.

12am

I began to hate myself.

I should’ve tried sleeping at 1030pm to make some leeway.

My roommate is still busy with her phone and the movements, even the slightest noise and vibration, I can feel it.

I grew sensitive to movements as I loathe my mind from thinking too much.

1210am

I counted sheeps. I am tempted to get my phone and just play with it.

But no. I remembered cell regeneration will commence in the same hr as I slept.

I am pressured to sleep soon. I counted sheep, focused on blackness of sight and tried to empty my mind…

All to no avail.

1220am

This is really getting worst. I hated myself, my mind, my roommate, the tea that I drank after dinner, the loud heartbeat that doubles in decibels as I try to close my eyes. I hated the fact that my aircon is noisy and the bed is too soft and the spring behind it is rather weak. I hated my pillow which does not support my neck in its convenience. I hated my quilt because it does not give me proper warmth at all.

I hated everything that night until I couldn’t hate anything anymore.

1230am

All went dark and my breath was steady.

In the darkness, I lay there in oblivion, transported to a world where fantasy became my reality.

OH SLEEP, why are you so elusive when I needed you most?