Secrecy and normalcy

I was watching "Sex and the City" last night, there’s this scene where Miranda told Mr. Big that both Carrie and he are crazy for deciding to get married.

And then, Mr. Big got cold feet and never showed up to the wedding.

Then Carrie’s best friends being her best friends, took her away for vacation.

Then six months after on Valentine’s Day, Miranda finally confessed that she may have said something that may have had a significant impact on Mr. Big’s cold feet demeanor.

Carrie was perplexed that Miranda did not tell her sooner. Miranda said she was waiting for the proper timing and Carrie told her that she should’ve tried to tell her every day. Carrie mentioned, “You know what hurts the most, it’s not because you told me six months after, it’s because you kept a secret from me when I never kept a single secret from you.”

This line… I could relate 100%.

I am conflicted with the idea of friendship.

At one point, I think that secrets go with the kind and level of friendship that we have. Of course, we do not expect someone to share his/her life story with a mere acquaintance. But when we take someone as one of our best friends, we expect openness with each other. We expect that there is a mutual understanding of not keeping secrets from each other. At least on my part, that's my major friendship takeaway.

However, if we add personality to the mix, the result may be different. If someone is secretive, asking him/her feels like we are prying into his/her affairs. It makes us feel as though we're exercising some sort of control over an unwilling participant.

Serious conversations demand honesty. We own our truth.

Like any sort of relationship, friendships operate in mutuality, in reciprocating what we receive. We do not take and take and never give anything in return, that’s not friendship. That is behaving like a spectator on someone’s life if not (and sorry for my term) a leech.

If truth be told, I have yet to find a balance between these kinds of friendships. I know for sure that I can’t change a person’s mind, but I can change mine. I am yet to explore the ideas around it. There are options to filter me and my truth OR not put much weight on this type of friend.

In any case of misfortune, I may have considered them my best friends but clearly, they may not have considered me theirs. I am not sure whether to take it at face value, leave it as it is or leave it and never look back.

"Sex and the City" has never made this much impact on me until last night. Was it for good or for bad? I don't know.