Crossroads by MALDITA (lyrics)

seems that my thoughts are put into a song... here it goes..



Could you possibly be the one for me?

Hopeful frog! :)

falling for you by colbie caillat w/lyrics

My song for you..



I think I just do... cause no matter how I tried, my mind still speaks of you. You know I'm not giving in... I try not to... this is not the right time. Just don't think I take you for granted, I wished I had all the time but so long as these veins long for adventure, you might come second best...

misunderstood

They will never understand my reason. This is way beyond the commerce of logic and practicality. I will never try explain myself to anyone regarding this decision.

What matters most to me are the people who mean a lot to me. What matters to me is the approval of those I truly love and who truly love me back. I may be a hypocrite in telling that I don't get affected by remarks but I realized it's not important anymore.

I'm taking the challenge because I am brave enough to do so. I am jumping off the edge, never knowing if there's a solid ground below so that I will know if there is such a thing below, curiosity pushes me.

I should not be limited by words instead I should be firm in standing by my decision. This is the best time to learn how it feels like to prove yourself no matter what it takes.

Until then...

insane

the people stared at me, suspicious to the the fact that they're sitting beside someone sane while I remain passive and lost in trance of my thoughts...

God help me! I cried out in despair. I have come this far. The idea that blossomed to something real and something that should be taken. It's coming over me... the reality that I am a nobody. The reality that I am in need. The reality that I am one of those who lives in the practical world. That I have no right to venture to dreams as if everything will be the same again if I lose. That everything is at stake. That somehow when I fail, I'll be caught up in extreme poverty. Back to Zero. Start from scratch. jobless. unemployed. one of the statistics.

I mumbled my prayers. I thought to myself, "Lord, I surrender to your will, take control of me as I go towards the unknown." This is one of those times, I'm sure I'll remember when I grow gray. For I have given up the wheel and let God drive the vessel for me. Today, I feel borrowed.

I am desperate. I am in fear. I am afraid to be lost. I am afraid to go without direction. I am scared to face whatever it is that I am up against. I think I've gone insane. I think I've lost control over these emotions.

So there in that rusty old jeepney, I sat looking away. I sat in deep agony. I sat drown with my fears. In that rusty old jeepney, I was able to ask God for mercy. I was able to...

Surrender.

I like you but...

It's just so hard to let this heart control my whole being for now.
It's just so hard to come into open and tell you this 'cause I'm leaving and I don't want you being left.
It's just so hard to let you know 'cause you might be surprised how this liking has become more deep.
It's just so hard to let you feel attached when I don't know if I can hold on as long as you want.
It's just so hard to let you feel attached when I don't know if you can hold on as long as I want.
It's just so hard to give you hanging for promises I cannot keep.
It's just so hard to keep things in the low key when I decide to keep it up.

You will never understand what I've been doing and I don't understand it myself.

I wish to tell you how special you are to me. This is the first time someone has come this far.

and it starts today

Foolish...

Believe it or not, I've had that idea in mind a couple of times and more. Why, this is way beyond unimaginable. Sometimes when I wake up, I always feel like it's just one of those weird dreams I'm fabricating to sleep. But hey, it isn't. This is real. This will happen. This is gonna be the next.

I told my friends about this long long time ago. You know, the times when you had everyone in your high school group of friends, evaluating each one's achievement for the past four or five years after graduating... This is one of those things I intend to quite "passingly" mention. And still when I had this finally figured out and decided about, they were shocked.

This is not one of those "pa mystery effect" my friends do often tag me, but this is something more private. I mean, I just cannot mention the details of this as it is very personal and quite confidential. Maybe the pride is bugging me again, but I can't afford to fail. I hope not.

So then, I decided to quit my job, gather my resources, pack my bags, and head somewhere else to find a nest or perhaps build one for my own. My friends took this decision as busted, lame and stupid. And seriously, I understand the concern. I feel so blessed to have people who worry about me and my future but I find it better to have people behind my back, though doubtful, would just tap me and say, "hey it will be okay!"

Wouldn't it be nice to feel secured even if you feel like falling apart? Wouldn't it be nice to feel a lot confident even if you don't know what happens after it all? Wouldn't it be nice to have comforting people who ignite the fire in you and console you all at the same time? My point is, more than anything else, I need moral support. I need all the assurance that I can get.

Tell you what, I know that this is the right time for me. The peak, the point of my life when I should try, but up until now, I'm still convincing myself that this is the right thing, that this is the bravest decision to date.

It might be worth the try or not, who knows? But I know that this is more than the bravery, this is a learning, this is a learning to be brave, this is a learning to go for something I want.

So many questions asked upon me, how am I supposed to react when I don't know the most intricate details. I have plans but of course, sometimes, there's this thing called "acts of God". This is very risky I know but I wouldn't just hide behind my mother's skirt or put on the invisibility cloak, I feel like using my wand and casting the spell, feeling the power within me.

I'm heading there with limited financials but I'm heading there oozing with guts. I know there's a brighter future that awaits me. I believe in prayers. I do believe that since God allowed me to come this far (finally given up my job) I know that He has a purpose. And I am bound to find it out.


Wish me luck. And hey, no negativity alright? :)