insane

the people stared at me, suspicious to the the fact that they're sitting beside someone sane while I remain passive and lost in trance of my thoughts...

God help me! I cried out in despair. I have come this far. The idea that blossomed to something real and something that should be taken. It's coming over me... the reality that I am a nobody. The reality that I am in need. The reality that I am one of those who lives in the practical world. That I have no right to venture to dreams as if everything will be the same again if I lose. That everything is at stake. That somehow when I fail, I'll be caught up in extreme poverty. Back to Zero. Start from scratch. jobless. unemployed. one of the statistics.

I mumbled my prayers. I thought to myself, "Lord, I surrender to your will, take control of me as I go towards the unknown." This is one of those times, I'm sure I'll remember when I grow gray. For I have given up the wheel and let God drive the vessel for me. Today, I feel borrowed.

I am desperate. I am in fear. I am afraid to be lost. I am afraid to go without direction. I am scared to face whatever it is that I am up against. I think I've gone insane. I think I've lost control over these emotions.

So there in that rusty old jeepney, I sat looking away. I sat in deep agony. I sat drown with my fears. In that rusty old jeepney, I was able to ask God for mercy. I was able to...

Surrender.




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