get there

Geeez!

And here I am thinking why my parents didn't send me to Chinese class. I'm an alien in a Chinese world. I do talking pretty much the hard way, I employ hand and body movements with matching facial expressions.

But thank you parents for sending me to a good school, I feel a lot better in English here. No doubt about that. I knew my English is better than them but the way they say English words are slang to my ears. Imagine a word without an "R".

One week here is like 2weeks in Davao. Here, very fast. I always forget time. I normally check the darkness and it's really hard to determine time through it. The sunset is late, 7pm is pretty much like 5pm in Davao. Imagine my horror upon knowing that I skipped breakfast and lunch then I ate dinner very late. Not good.

Life here is fast. There's no room for slowing down and walking in the park. Everyone is in a hurry. Everyone goes on marathon even in MRT stations. I can only imagine how it's like to be in New York.

My only distaste here is he smell. I get really crappy when I get to smell "chikadings", you know those black guys wearing dark colors with mustaches and all the hairs the human body produces? Self control. It takes a lot of guts not to pinch my nose to avoid their scent entering to my system. Forgive me for being too honest. Forgive me for sounding like I am discriminating races. It's not that.

Maybe it has to do with cultures. Filipinos are known for being bath-addicts. We do take a bath everyday. Feeling so gross the moment we skip bathing. It's that. I'm just accustomed to people who don't stink. And their stinking is way too unbearable. My gosh!

The building we're living is on the 12th floor. What I love about this is that it's overlooking and "airy". I like the feel that it's not of a clutter. It's minimalist and spacious and economically well-set. I love it!

Our bedroom is with a bunk bed with a single bed 'cause we are three ladies occupying the same room. It's pretty small with a window and two cabinets but I like it. It makes me feel homey.

Generally, I like SG. but cliche as it may sound, I love PH! For the moment that I am pursuing my dreams, I want to stay here. I want to create something out from this venture. I want to do things. I want to try new stuffs that I have the chance of trying. I want to break free. I want to be ME. Somehow, this will help me grow. I know it will.

I hope God grants me what my heart truly desires. I hope I can get a job that... pays quite well and would enable me to explore more on my individuality. I am confident.

But... I surrender it all. Lord, please?

Love,

achieve

And I came, I saw... I hope to conquer!

Vacation... this is how it is at this time. It's a break from the routine I have been doing for straight three years. It's like a breath of fresh air from getting all concentrated to one thing.

I am so thankful that the immigration didn't ask stuffs they normally do and more. Much more to my surprise, I haven't been asked anything at all. She just checked my passport, looked at my oily face and boom! stamped as social visitor for 30 days. It's a sign!

Anyway, being here is a liberation. Being here is climbing to a mountain and trying to reach a peak. Being here is journeying to a desert hoping to find an oasis in the middle. See, this is a quest full of hope. A quest for discovery. Who says humanity is all for outer space discovery?

I am very much inspired to do things my way. I feel the need for survival without depending on others. Human instinct.

What concerns me nowadays are calls. I know one of these days they are a plenty. I wish it to be sooner..

So until then? Missin my laid back DAVAO! :)

till we meet again

and my heart breaks, my tears fall, no amount of sadness can ever compare to leaving...

Three years ago I stepped in to that branch where I thought everything was small. The area, the pantry, the vault and yes even the people (hahaha! peace mam pinks and mam yo!). Coming fresh from school, everything was new to me. The procedure, the service, the daily routine, I thought, "so this is the real life my teachers were all talking about".

It's never easy. I'm likened to an egg, the process to becoming a chick takes a lot of time. I am slowly coming out of my shell. I will miss a lot of things...

I will miss my daily dealings with clients. I was able to learn a lot of things from them but most especially, thank you for teaching me... patience!:) and yes, English for foreigners, slang.

I will miss friday lunch. I was able to learn self- indulgence. Ma'am Pinky's famous line: "Nagtrabaho ka para makakaon!" (I second that!)

I will miss pantry moments. I was able to learn how to be informative. Ma'am Gel's ever updating of celebrities and Ma'am Yo's ever Azkals' Trivia. (Thanks for being reliable sources)

I will miss sitting in my good 'ole chair where music was always good and the rhythm gets me too well, I was able to learn how to sing and dance even if my client is in front. (And sings a lot louder than I do)

I will miss bonding with the 667 girls. The wantoredi which keeps getting better each time. The kiss with Derek. The English session with Kuya Nants. The eye conversations with the guards. Ahhhh fun times!

Coming up with this decision took a lot of guts and willpower for me. It gave me a number of sleepless nights and "tulala sa isang tabi" moments.

No, it's not just the company itself, it's the company of people who mattered most to me. I'll forever be grateful to the chance of meeting you.

Thank you for allowing me to be part of 667 family.

I will miss you but 'Till we meet again in God's most wonderful time!

closed book

The emptiness keeps lingering... the thought of you reminds me so much of the fun times we had together. Those may not be exactly how we wanted it to be but at least there were "those" moments that never fail to make me smile bitter sweetly.

Truth is, I have tried so hard to forget you. I blocked all the access to let me reach you or tempts me to do so. It's just not right. I just feel so guilty that whenever I see you and hear from you this whatever-it-is has it's own mind that beats as if on a drum roll. I think that should never be the case.

You left me paralyzed, and now that I'm regaining the consciousness you took away from me, you strike again. The nerve! I just can't allow myself to go on the same ground again. I will never allow myself to be feeling the same way again. When I was able to confirm it, I thought I had died in that instant. Imagine my shock, when I saw the glimpse of you. It just tore me quite figuratively.

I am just so thankful I have never really told you how I really felt for you way, way back 'cause now I know, You were not worth every single feeling I dare felt. You were not the person I thought you were. I am thankful, I have known it before I come ocean-deep for you.

Somehow, the distance and the time really helped. I am a new me. A new me without you. But yes, I feel like I am just delusional. It wasn't your fault. But you led me on. I cannot accept that fact that I was misguided by your actions. And there I was, feeling like a complete fool, imagining things wildly. Now where was the smart ass everyone knows about? Non- existing.

Sure you call me jealous and stuffs but I wouldn't mind. I simply wouldn't mind on whatever you want to call me 'cause after all, your opinion in general, doesn't matter. Sorry to say boy, you just lost the pedestal I had for you.

And this, the thought of you, rarely happens to me now. This is just one of the rare nights I accepted you in my memories... you must be thankful. But sorry to burst your bubble, I am on my way to be over you... completely.

You're a book, very illustrative, full of colors, the cover so nice but in summary, you're just that book I have in my cabinet, just for display. Clearly, you lack the substance that I expected to read from you. Forget you!