haist

You don’t deserve me.

I know it sounds a bit idealistic on my part, but that’s what it is. You don’t deserve me and the feelings I have for you, whatever it may be.

Sometimes, it takes a trip to open your eyes and see the reality in zoom in, pan out, fade background and focus subject- kind of scene. I made a trip, and it helped me assess who I am. Thanks to your initiation.

Why do two different beginnings end the same way?

And in both endings, I am left broken and scathed in so many ways. I am the losing end. Always.

I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve feeling like I am not capable of sustaining any romantic relationship.
Alam mo yung, I have tried to make an effort. I’ve gone out of my way to meet someone halfway and yet, it still goes down the drain. I was left hanging.

I am not writing to sour grape and perhaps compare myself to others, but really, sometimes, I feel as though I will never get what or who I want. To the very least, I don’t want to be bitter about it, but I can’t help it. I don’t get who I want who agrees within my terms.

Surely, Life is a paradox. I live to love and end up being hurt. I like someone who likes me back in the beginning but end up with another woman. Someone likes me but I like to have him as a friend and nothing else. Someone loved me, loves me until now but I hate him to his core (or not). Someone wants to be with me but I’d like to be alone.

I don’t understand. I find it incomprehensible in wherever angle I see it.

I’m hurting and I feel pity over unprecedented events particularly on my love life.

To wait. Tell it to the marines! I’m so tired of waiting and every time, it gets me misled. It’s tiring and frustrating.

So they said, be patient, be still, be busy. Whatever!