vintage

1963 BUICK SKYLARK

So… I’ve been really eyeing vintage cars sold online. Not that I can afford, but it thrills me to know that there are still those old car models built at around the 50s or later that have been kept in the garage. Where else? Philippines!

(I am a huge HISTORY geek. Thanks to History channel for providing me interesting facts. I loved how time evolved, what happened back in the days and how come things are what they are now. Surely, it has a past, worth telling and knowing.)

I am awed at old cars. I saw one in Fullerton hotel. I did not get the model but I think It’s probably built at around 1920s. super old. The ones that have spare tire at the back. I couldn’t help but be mesmerized. Beautiful!

Perhaps… if I were 100x richer, I probably know what my hobby is. My friends would tell me I like boy stuffs, but really… it excites me more than makeup ands heels. Duh! Don’t get me wrong, I am not against these girly stuffs but I just don’t think it’s appropriate to stereotype WOMEN as having to be bounded to bags, shoes etc. We deserve a percentage in the woman’s population; those who love electronics, cars, vintage stuffs raise the roof! I am quite sure I am not the only one! haha

Anyway, I saw this car online it was painted blue. The rear doesn’t look a bit pleasing although the seats were so-so. Then I thought, wow! I’d like to have this car. I want to have a project car for which I would restore its grandeur slowly or perhaps to have me busy. Then I saw the price, and I was computing mentally, I thought I can afford it.

I immediately asked Manang how much did her car’s transportation cost from Manila to Davao is… she told me it was 23K but I found out, it depends on the model, the weight and some minor details. It’s possiblle! My mind went over excited, adrenaline rushed in.

I got too excited. I contacted the seller. I imagined a lot of repairs already. Perhaps, it would be a major overhaul. I’ll have it repainted in pearly white. And revive the wheels like those of an early American era. Fantastic!

I told my sissy about my plan and she laughed at me. Gosh! I am serious! I have never been so passionate about something, just now. Perhaps because, I know I wanted it more than I want anything else. I can imagine driving it around Davao. Cool ride, huh?

I checked my email again today… I haven’t got any reply. Awww too bad. But once I receive a bit of message from the seller, I’ll blog it up! Excited aren’t we? ^^

settled

Are you free on August 2014?

I knew it! Friends… are tying knots. Of course, for the love of Hogwarts, I’d be there. I won’t miss a best friend’s wedding! Not when that someone you’ve known since you were both mud-bathed from playing high jump, tigso or Chinese garter.

How time flies so fast, the last time I can vividly remember of having my best friends complete was when we were in Freshmen College. Young, eager and has the world within our reach. Almost ten years have passed, distance made an impact. News of engagements, wedding without further ado, pregnancy without much deliberation and yet, another wedding flash before my very eyes.

I’m getting the hang of things. Facebook kept me updated with the latest relationship statuses. And at one point, I wondered, how come the only constant in this world is change and my relationship status?

No, I’m not sour-graping, it’s just a thought that I’d love to have a solid answer with. As with regards to my bestfriends, I am very much happy that they have finally figured out what they want to do with their lives, that is, being a wife and a loving mother at this point in time. I am happy that we have reached this point, albeit the stress of our professions and the demands of the practical world, love moved them to settle down.

A new role, a new life, a set of new challenges, a far cry from the younger version of ourselves. We now have quite a huge set of responsibilities.  I am excited that life unfolds too slowly for me. It makes me feel as if I am the last unicorn. HAHA

Kidding aside, If there’s anything, of course I wish all of them the desires of their hearts. Marriage is a big word. Far too many words are associated in that one solid word. It is a life-long commitment, something that’s too serious to be a joke. Or perhaps, that’s what I thought.

My parents always tell me, NEVER rush. Marriage is a decision that covers much of your future. You just don’t decide in haste.

And maybe that’s the reason why I never rush in finding a lover. It covers not just my future but my present, more importantly.

August 2014? I think I would be a full-time davaoena by then. ^^

places...

Travel more…

Really, the one thing that makes me high, feeling like floating in a cloud nine is the act of travelling. It’s orgasmic to step into a new place for the sole purpose of exploring it and experiencing how life evolves around that certain place.

Coming to Singapore, gives me the chance to go to more places than I did before. One, the money is quite well. Two, flights are connected in Singapore as a hub. Three, I can always go wherever I want without having to worry about my parents’ permission (not that I am dependent to their decision, but it matters that they agree)

However, it’s a far cry from what I expected. One, I have limited leaves. Two, flights are super expensive and Three, I’d rather go home for a week than go elsewhere ‘cause homesickness get into my nerves. Sadly, I’ve more trips in a year back when I was in PH than I was here.

And since I’ve come to a decision of putting everything in a halt, or perhaps, a pause… to figure out my real passion, I have booked myself into a series of trips until I’m home-bound for good. Notwithstanding my thoughts of saving up for the future, I am claiming my present. My present is a gift and therefore, should be enjoyed. Yes, I’ve got a cumulonimbus cloud hovering above my head, but what’s there to fret anyway? I am quite sure, it’s just not me. Whatever.

I am excited for these trips. I live to the fulfilment of my imagination. Seriously, I have been dropping my head alongside my shoulders ‘cause I felt really down those past few months. I realized, when you truly think that you are in the middle of hopelessness, a light comes shining through, guiding you to brave it somehow.

I don’t really care what my achievements are, or how much money I saved, or what possessions did I acquire in my stay abroad… I’ll leave it to my fairy godmothers. Or should I say, I leave it to fate?

Whatever. I am looking forward to happiness as a benchmark for success and not the praises that I receive whenever I acquire something or achieve a thing or two. Perhaps, I am getting older. I am getting sentimental as to what I truly want and deserve. I am getting focused on achieving the intangibles rather than the earthly things that define my status in the society.

Travel. Yes, it is a luxury and a privilege. But seriously, I would gladly trade a Prada bag or any luxury items just to travel to Korea, Bangkok or Cambodia. When all else fail, my memories of panic, relief, adrenaline, bliss and even arguments down those places I’ve been to, never fail to make me smile. ^^

oh boy

Perhaps the pain would still be there. Perhaps I need more time. Perhaps it slowly fades. Or perhaps it never happens.

I tried my damn best not to dwell on your memories but the more I push myself in complete oblivion the finer the flashbacks become.  The sooner I forget, the happier I will be. But it’s too much. Too much to take all at once.

The funny part is that, I feel pathetic trying to recount how many moments we’ve shared. I know that the likelihood of feeling stupid get me grinding. Seriously, we don’t have much memories. We never even had enough time to do activities together. We’re like burglars, trying to accomplish something in the dark yet, as foolish as it can be, we haven’t even stole any.

Why am I feeling this way? Fretting over things, acting crazy and feeling damn ashamed to accept that “WE” has never been created, or let alone, pushed forward from the good start that I always thought was the one.

Maybe because for the first time in years, I have never felt “that” alive. I have never felt like I am capable of liking someone after things from the past fall astray. The heart has reasons that even reasons itself cannot understand. I agree. ‘cause no matter how I tried to poison you in my mind, the heart always sees through it, leaving me helpless and lost to the thoughts of you.

Yes, I have murdered you in my mind a couple of times. I even asked opinions from friends and they came in unison, you were never good enough for me and that I deserved more. Right. First few minutes, I am nodding incessantly and in the next 15 minutes more, I know I am fooling myself.

Damn boy. How can I ever get over you? Good thing, I’ve got a façade made of stone. I can always pretend I am so good without you but then again, when the dark nights come and I leave myself alone to empty my mind and get ready for a good night’s sleep, you crawl right back and bite me, giving me the longing and the humungous realm of even more darkness, feeling hollowed and inexorably empty.