Not me.

“The biggest change in my life is that… I have learned how to be relaxed”, says Victoria.

That line hit me. Victoria and I are of the same age.

While she is a celebrity, a foreigner at that, I can very well relate to how she’s running her life.

She mentioned, she plays well by herself. She uses her free time to rest and when she gets bored, she’d go to places, discover new restaurants, and have coffee in various cafes… ALONE, at that.

While reading, I evaluated myself. And it brought me to a conclusion:

I have been very obsessed about having company.

At one point, I think I have forgotten to enjoy my solace. I have been very used to going out with company that it feels weird to be alone when in fact; I used to be all ALONE from way back.

Well, some might view me anti-social, a plain snob or even a pitiful sight, but back then, I never cared. I was happy.

I was contented with my life. I had fun going around the mall, watching people, finding cool stuff, reading cover pages of random book in the Bookstore. Dining alone is also SUPER fine.

My boss used to ask me, why I do that… And I’d reply, “Do what?”  To me, it’s something very basic. It’s not every time that I get to drag friends off from their busy schedule… which is coincidental to the fact that, I also do not want to be a disturbance. To me, it is completely okay, so why bother?

However, as time changed, I have found myself in a very peculiar position in my life.

I became somewhat obsessed to going out with a purpose. Gone are the days when I just decide to go out, just because I want to. Now, it’s completely because I need to buy this or that,  check this or that, watch a movie or what--- with a friend.

And with this idea of dependence, I feel that I have lost my free-spirited nature.

I became too dependent and it’s sickening. I grew anxious, lonely and  yes, sad.

They said if these feelings come about when you’re single, it only means one thing: you are getting bored at being single!

I honestly don’t know about that, but one thing’s for sure, I need to recover.

This is so NOT me.