unsure

My heart ….

What’s with you?

I waited for this moment to arrive but why do I feel indifferent?

Gone was the idea of being excited, refreshed, warm and liberating…

Here comes feeling the need to please, to not disappoint, to carry on despite feeling unsure.

Does it mean that I’m feeling pressured?

Because I have been open about it and people just expect me to take it?

And their expectation is putting me on the spot?

I don’t know.

I’m so confused.

There are days when I feel like I need to shut off everything and just be in tune to my own music.

And someone caring for me, letting me know he’s there… sending me messages and even calling me… feels like a responsibility that I need to respond.

I don’t know.

I don’t know why I’m feeling this.

I’m not sure whether I need to carry on entertaining him.

I don’t even dare open up to my closest circle ‘cause it adds more pressure.

I am so unsure. I don’t want them to think how indecisive I am in this aspect.

The rebel in me wants to escape.

To buzz out for a while ‘cause I’m losing my balance.