Pair of ears, anyone?

People change.

Those things that I thought were outrageous, somewhat became plausible or even the norm.

For instance, when one of my closest friends confided about her desire to stay separated from her husband but have no-string attached boyfriends… no one from the group seemed to have a wild reaction. Me included. It seemed that those ideas you thought were a big no-no now become, “oh okay” or “then what?” or “maybe”. 

When a friend openly mentioned her husband’s fetish, it didn’t seem different. There’s this implicit bond about being at this age and sharing things that happen in REAL life. It surprises me that as a single person, hearing concerns about marriage never faze me. It is not that I faked my reaction, there’s just this understanding that whether or not these things happened to me, these are real issues that need real solutions or just active ears listening to it.

Have we become less judgmental?

Perhaps. Our experiences shape who we are. When we were younger, we had these straight lines and arrows which we vehemently followed. When we come to this age, we learn that lines can be jagged, curved or broken even. Things happen for a reason. Sometimes, we are so quick to give our two cents insisting on morals and values that we have accumulated since young, but when we hear the stories behind the decision, we begin to see things beyond the surface.

I am not saying that I tolerate immoral actions. No.

I am saying that even if a friend does have a different view of things, judging them even before they lay down all their facts isn’t helpful. Hear them out. 

My professor in Negotiations and Conflict stated that the sense that is less likely used in communication is hearing. When we are in a conversation, we try to share something that is relatable to keep the conversation going regardless of whether we understand the main point of discussion. We don’t converse just for the sake of “relating”, we converse because we need to understand.

I guess talking boils down to acceptance. You need not share the same sentiments but you can still remain friends. You don’t condemn them just because they have different opinions. Instead, you slowly present a different idea without pushing too hard. 

As I look around my strings of relationships… I have come down to a realization that indeed, people change. We know them as this or that but what happened in between, in a span of distance or experiences, there’s that space that was filled with various thoughts, ideas and lessons.

I was always the chatty friend but nowadays, I am that “observer” friend. I don’t need to be “relatable”, I just lend my ears when you need a pair! 

Your friend,